Compulsive
by stopnatsu
Summary: Lucy's been sent to Tranquil Pines, a rehabilitation facility for troubled teens to help overcome her destructive behaviors. There, she encounters others dealing with their troubles and addictions. Although,one person stands out: Natsu, a boy who never tells the truth. Will she be able to unlock the truth about his past, as well as overcome her own? *Warning: depicts self harm*
1. Chapter 1

The rush was stunning. Every single time, without fail, the adrenaline rush that flooded her veins was a shock. It didn't matter what she did to herself—a deep, jagged cut across the thigh, a burn on her stomach, or just a scratch on her wrist—she was overwhelmed by the exaggerated high. Everything would slow down, evaporate, disappear. Any problems she'd had, gone. Any gnawing memories of her mother would instantly dull and settle in the back of her mind.

Teenage girl hates her life and cuts herself. She liked to think that wasn't her definition, that just because she cut herself didn't mean she was a fuck up or that she couldn't be successful. Except that, rather than go to school, she'd run off, blades plucked from her razor in tow. And that she couldn't go a couple hours without splitting some of her skin or watching it bleed. And that, as the days went on, she was beginning to run out of places to cut that weren't already bubbled with scars or tainted with previous marks.

When her dad told her about Tranquil Pines, she'd never felt the urge to cut so strongly. He gave her the pamphlets showing the facility grounds; she read about the treatments for the patients. One-on-one counselling. Group sessions, too. He told her they would be coming to pick her up tomorrow, that he'd already signed the forms and paid the costs and that legally, by state, since she was underage, she had to go. He begged her to go, told her this would be good for her, told her he would visit whenever the facility allowed. She didn't put up a fight—no point. Instead, she calmly went up to her room, locked herself in the attached bathroom, and cut up every inch of her flesh that she could.

She had no intention of stopping. So, all of her skin was cut up and torn to shit. Who cares? The rush was all that mattered. She was addicted. She couldn't live without that rush.

Lucy would go to Tranquil Pines, please her father, go through the program. But she knew it wouldn't be enough to get her to stop. The rush filled the gaps, blurred the memories, and that's all that mattered to her.

She needed it.


	2. Chapter 2

"Welcome, everyone!" The counsellor greeted everyone cheerfully, as though this was a joyous occasion and everyone was here for fun. "Another great day for some group therapy."

Chairs were sat in a medium sized circle, with each chair filled by a person. The group wasn't too large—certainly not everyone at the facility, most likely a chosen bunch from a specific age group—but not too small. Lucy was in a chair at the furthest end from where the counsellor sat, eyes flickering around the group, dissecting each person that had entered the room and sat down.

"We've got a brand new member in our group. Everyone, this is Lucy." The counsellor, a woman with shoulder length blue hair, motioned for Lucy to stand. "Introduce yourself, and say why you are here. Let's get everyone acquainted!"

Lucy's stomach dropped; she lurched herself to her feet. Everyone's eyes were on her. When she spoke, her voice was high and quiet. "I'm Lucy, and..." She glanced around, into the eyes of the people watching her. "I'm here because..." She trailed off again, unsure how to phrase it. _Because I hate myself?_ Didn't really seem appropriate. Instead, she simply lifted her arm, revealing a sample of the ugly, bumpy scars and scratches feathering her skin.

One girl—she had long, white hair and was fairly beautiful—let out a slight gasp. Lucy's cheeks blazed red, and she sat back down quickly. She hoped she hadn't terrified anyone.

The counsellor clapped her hands together. "Great, thank you, Lucy." She turned, looking at the other pupils in the room. "On to the regulars! You know the drill—stand up, introduce yourself, and say why you're here at Tranquil Pines." Her eyes darted to the girl beside Kairi.

The girl had bright red hair, and her face was twisted up into a stern expression. She stood, letting out a little sigh. "I'm Erza Scarlet, and I came here because of my PTSD." She paused, glancing at Lucy for a moment, then explained further. "Car accident."

Lucy nodded. The girl seemed nice enough. Maybe they could be friends.

"Next up!" The counsellor urged.

A blonde boy stood up. He was tall, muscular. When he spoke, his voice was deep. "Laxus. Here for anger management." He sat back down without another word.

Lucy nodded. Straightforward and to the point. She admired that.

Without the counsellor's nudge, the next girl stood up. It was the white-haired girl, the one that had gasped seeing Lucy's scars. When she stood, she daintily straightened her outfit as though she were self-conscious about it, despite it being identical to everyone else's (facility rules).

"Hi, everyone," The girl said sweetly, offering everyone in the circle a little grin. "I'm Mirajane—but you can call me Mira—and I'm here at Tranquil Pines to help me cope with my self-esteem issues." She paused, thinking it over. "Anorexia, bulimia, stuff like that." She flashed another shy smile, then took a seat.

The next boy was already standing by the time Mirajane was done. He had piercings on his face, and several tattoos were evident underneath the ugly uniform. "I'm Gajeel—here for drug addiction."

The next boy had slick, shiny black hair. "My name's Gray, I'm here for my anxiety."

The counsellor clapped her hands together again, forcing her lips into a fake smile. "Okay, who's left?" Her eyes flickered around the room, ultimately landing on the only person in the room who hadn't stood up and introduced themselves yet. "Ah, right. How could I forget? Natsu."

The boy, who had salmon colored hair, flashed her a toothy grin.

The counsellor sighed. "Will you be gracing our presence with an introduction today, Natsu?"

The boy hurled himself up from his seat, the bright smile still beaming. "Wouldn't miss it, Juvia." He paused for a second, while the counsellor warned him to not call her by her first name, straightening his shoulders.

Lucy couldn't help but notice how he absolutely radiated confidence and charm.

"Ladies, gentleman, my name—as you all know, except for new girl over there—is Natsu. I'm here at Tranquil Pines because I brutally murdered my entire family using only a steak knife and some rope. Went to juvi for a bit, but got probation—'cept I had to come here, which is rather tragic, because it's incredibly boring. Anywho, nice to meet you, new girl." His eyes had landed on Lucy.

Everyone in the room laughed, snickering at whatever they thought was so funny. Lucy was shocked; her jaw dropped slightly.

The counsellor stood, clapping her hands together some more, desperately trying to control the situation that was beginning to get out of hand. "Everyone, please, settle— _everyone!_ " Everyone spoke over her, snorting and laughing at Natsu.

While the ruckus continued, Erza leaned over to Lucy, her tone warm. "Don't worry about him—he's just kidding."

Lucy frowned, brown eyes landing on the redhead beside her. "Kidding?"

"Yeah," Erza nodded. "He likes to make things up. He changes his story every day—thinks it's funny."

"So..." Lucy mumbled, looking back to the pink haired boy, who still hadn't taken his gaze off of her. "He didn't kill his entire village?"

Erza snorted. "Are you kidding? Look at that puny wimp. He can't even beat me in an arm wrestle match."

Lucy looked back at the girl. "So, why is he actually here?"

Erza shrugged. "Couldn't tell you—he's never actually told anyone. At least, we _think_ he hasn't told anyone. Maybe one of his stories was the truth, but we'd never really know." She let out a sigh, shaking her head as she watched the counsellor desperately try to silence the group. "The stories are usually very...entertaining, to say the least."

Lucy nodded, grateful for the information. "How is it here?" She asked, hoping to get some more information about how the place worked.

Erza laughed slightly, then shrugged. "Strict, but not so bad. They keep us in groups most of the time, so you'll be with these people every day. Lots of talking to counsellors, lots of group activities to keep us busy. Strict, but not unbearable."

"How long have you been here for?"

Erza smiled coyly. "About seven months. Don't worry—doesn't take everyone that long to get out. I'm just a tough case, apparently."

Lucy smiled at the redhead, glad to have already found a person she could somewhat rely on for information or even for just sitting at lunch with. "Thanks for this," She murmured, turning her eyes back to the scene before her. The counsellor had just about quieted everyone back to a quiet murmur.

"Don't sweat it," Erza replied easily, tone easygoing. "Ask me anything you like."

Lucy sat back in her seat, gazing around the room, trying to gauge everyone that sat before her. As she went by each person, she found herself only totally mystified by one single entity: the pink haired boy that still, after all the commotion, hadn't taken his intense gaze off of her.

She ignored him, figuring it was just because she was new and he was a boy and he'd get over it soon enough. But still, something kept bothering her: who was this guy, and why the hell didn't anyone know why he was here?


	3. Chapter 3

Erza and Mirajane had been assigned with showing Lucy the grounds. Apparently, according to the counsellor, they were the only two mature enough to be given free-reign of the place without a guard escort.

All Lucy figured out from the tour was that the whole place was rather boring. The walls were all the same shade of vomit beige, and the patients all wore the same navy outfits. All patients were split up into sub-groups—apparently interacting with peers was an important part of mental and emotional stimulation. Each morning, each individual group would meet in their respective room for breakfast; there, a mandatory daily schedule was dispersed to each individual patient.

The schedules were filled with activities the patient had to accomplish for the day. Mirajane explained that each patient would have varying demands and activities, depending on their progress. Erza mentioned that for the first bit, Lucy would be attending several therapy sessions a week, more than the others. She said they would be trying to evaluate her, figure out just how bad her problems were. As time went on, the solo therapy sessions would dwindle down to at least once a week.

There were group bonding sessions every so often, in which the facility created an activity or get-together so that the groups could go out—sometimes out of the facility grounds, even—and spend time together. There were also schedule slots every day for library period, where each patient would have to go to the library and attend to some of the weekly homework dished out to them. Sometimes, patients were given free time; some liked to go outside and look at the trees, while others went to the gym, while some went to the library and hit the computers (although users were limited to specific websites approved by the facility).

Patients were assigned to rooms. Lucy was assigned to room 313—Erza was her roommate. Sleep hours were designated; lights off was at 10:30. Guards roamed the halls at night, making sure no patients snuck out of their rooms. If you needed to go to the washroom, you had to buzz down to the front desk, and a guard would be sent to escort you. Lucy figured that was a bit over the top—she didn't feel like having an escort every time she needed to take a midnight shit. Mira agreed.

Lucy's first night at Tranquil Pines was terrible. The tiny beds that were given to each patient were hard as a rock, and the blankets as thin as toilet paper. Not to mention, Erza's tendency to scream bloody murder in the middle of the night.

The first time Erza's shrieks awoke Lucy, she was terrified. She shot up, flicked on the light, and rushed to her bedside. Erza was tossing and turning, tears streaming down her face, screams ripping out of her throat. Lucy shook her, yelling her name; eventually, Erza snapped out of it and her eyes opened. After she calmed down and caught her breath, she apologized—PTSD symptoms. It happened every night, all night. Erza said the facility never gave her a roommate—Lucy was the first one.

 _Great._

Lucy buzzed down for an escort; the guard lead her to the kitchens, where she grabbed two glasses of milk. She brought them back up to the room, giving one to Erza. They stayed up for a bit, until Erza's body had calmed down enough for her to lay back down and close her eyes. Erza thanked Lucy for being so kind. Lucy shrugged it off, saying it wasn't a big deal. They both went back to bed. Lucy desperately tried to shut out Erza's cries the rest of the night.

The one thing Lucy realized was that there was no window in their dorm room. She was annoyed—she always fell asleep looking at the stars back home.

"How was your first night?" Mira asked, voice chipper as usual. She plopped down at the long table beside Lucy, giving her a wide grin. "Have a good sleep?"

Lucy, whose eyes were underlined with thick, dark bags, gave her a sarcastic sneer. " _Wonderful_."

Mira giggled. "You look well rested." She peered down at her breakfast tray, letting out a sigh. Her plate was sparse, only littered with a small lump of eggs and one piece of fruit. She poked at it slightly with a fork as she spoke, but made no move to take a bite. "So I'm guessing you found out Erza's quirk."

Erza, who was sitting across from the two girls, frowned. "Sorry."

Lucy shook her head. "Don't worry about it—not a big deal." She stuffed a piece of bacon in her mouth. "Besides, it didn't really have anything to do with you—" _Liar._ "—just kinda weird being away from home."

Erza seemed relieved by this; Mira gave her a nod. "Probably doesn't help that the cots are made of actual stone." The white-haired girl stabbed at her eggs, pushing them around the plate.

"No kidding," Erza chimed in, taking a bite of a piece of toast. "The floor's more comfy."

A group of the boys walked into the breakfast room, heading directly towards the buffet counter; Lucy couldn't help but follow the pink-haired boy, still terribly intrigued from their previous encounter.

He snatched a plate from the buffet counter and proceeded to load it up with heavy heaps of eggs and bacon. He grabbed three pieces of toast and tossed them on top of his already drooping plate; he spun, peering around the room, looking for a place to sit. His eyes washed over the room, then landed directly on Lucy; her gaze quickly dropped to the floor, her cheeks hot.

She hoped he didn't notice her staring. She tried to focus on Mira and Erza's conversation—something about how Mira wished her feet were smaller, because they're super huge and she could never wear flats without looking like a clown. Lucy nodded, trying to appear as though she'd been listening the whole time.

The boys sat down at another one of the long tables, talking about some unimportant topic. Lucy watched carefully from afar, studying the pink haired boy. He stuffed food in his mouth, far too invested in his meal to converse with the other fellows. The massive amount of food that this kid was absolutely inhaling was impressive; she almost laughed out loud.

Before she could flicker back to Mira and Erza's conversation, Lucy's thoughts were interrupted by the head counsellor, Juvia, entering the room. She had a small stack of papers in her hands. She greeted everyone as a group before proceeding around the space, handing out papers to each individual.

"Schedules," Erza explained, finishing off her orange juice.

Juvia handed each girl a schedule; Mira and Erza hastily read theirs, exclaiming happily when they got something they looked forward to.

Lucy peered down at hers, almost afraid.

 _Schedule – Lucy Heartfilia_

 _8:00 – breakfast (room 215)_

 _9:00 – individual therapy (room 110)_

 _10:00 – library (room 205)_

 _11:00 – kitchen duty (room 104)_

 _12:00 – lunch (room 215)_

 _1:00 – group therapy (room 309)_

 _3:00 – free time_

 _5:00 – dinner time (room 215)_

She showed her schedule to Mira and Erza, who both made faces.

"Yuck—kitchen duty on your first day? Unlucky." Mira shook her head, sticking her tongue out. "I _hate_ kitchen duty."

Erza nodded. "That stinks, but you've got free time as your last block before dinner! That's great."

Before Lucy could give another thought to her schedule, an outburst broke through the low murmur of the room.

Natsu was standing, waving his schedule in the air. He had another bright, beaming grin on his face. "Hey, uh, Juvia?"

The counsellor rolled her eyes. "Ms. Lockser, Natsu."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," He replied, shaking his head. "Can I get out of garden duty today?"

Juvia narrowed her eyes. "Do you have a valid reason to not attend to your responsibilities?"

"Uh, yeah," He replied, as though the answer were obvious. "I'm paired up with Gray on that and I don't wanna have to look at his ugly mug all day long." Natsu gave the counsellor a beaming grin.

The room erupted into giggles and snorts.

"Hey!" Gray snapped, annoyed. "You're ugly!"

Juvia stood up, sighing. "Boys, please—"

Natsu's voice snapped back. "At least I don't strip randomly!"

Gray was defensive, now. He pointed a finger at Natsu. "You know that's because of my anxiety—I feel constricted when I panic!" He shook his head. "Don't make me bash your head in."

"Bring it on, snowflake."

" _Boys!_ " Juvia, the counsellor, shouted, instantly cutting off the laughs of the audience. Gray and Natsu immediately looked towards her. Despite her normally relaxed behaviour, she appeared to be rather annoyed with the boys' spat. "That's _enough_."

Gray began to cry out. "But it was all his faul—"

" _Enough,_ " She spat out again. "That's it—Natsu, you're on kitchen duty at 11:00. Gray, garden duty at the same time. If I hear you two fighting one more time, the consequences will be even worse. Trust me."

Lucy's eyes widened and she leaned over to whisper in Mira's ear. "Those two don't get along?"

Mira giggled, shrugging. "Occasionally. Best friends, though—just love to argue."

Erza rolled her eyes. "Idiots."

"Aw, c'mon, Juvia!" Natsu whined, expression morphing into a pout. "I was just kiddin'."

The counsellor sighed. "I know. You're still on kitchen duty, though."

Natsu sat down, crossing his arms as he pouted. "Damn."

Gray made a face at him. "Nice going, asshole."

Natsu sneered. "You're welcome, dickhead."

Lucy sighed. Due to the reactions of everyone in the room, she got the feeling this bickering was a daily occurrence. Constantly being with this pack of people would take some getting used to.

Breakfast soon began to wind down, and people began tossing whatever they hadn't finished eating on their way out the door. Erza was explaining to Lucy which way to get to her first scheduled activity as Mira left; the two girls gave her a wave as she tossed her plate—food untouched—and headed out.

Lucy was not a fan of individual therapy.

She was in Juvia's office. The place was just as boring as the rest of the facility, except for the lame motivational posters with pictures of kittens hanging off trees saying ' _DON'T GIVE UP!_ ' tacked across the walls. She was in an uncomfortable chair, facing Juvia, who sat behind a large desk.

"What made you first cut yourself?"

Lucy sat there, wide-eyed and silent. How was she supposed to answer that? Especially to this random ass lady she'd known for a day? Sure, she could go into detail about how she watched her mother die, about how the moment had haunted her every day since. She could talk about how lonely she was, living in a big empty house with just her father—who, for the record, was far too invested in his job, which caused him to travel 5 days a week, for a man who had a young daughter. But again, this woman was a stranger, and quite frankly, Lucy didn't feel like sharing.

"Um. I dunno."

The counsellor sighed. "You don't know? So, you're insinuating you did it simply for fun?"

Lucy shrugged. "It's a phase."

The counsellor shook her head, ignoring the teen's last comment. "Don't wanna tell me, huh?" She leaned back in her chair. "That's fine. We'll take it slow. Can you tell me about yourself?"

Lucy frowned. "About...myself?"

"Yeah. Got any hobbies?"

"Reading, I guess." She paused. "I like to write sometimes."

The counsellor smiled. It seemed genuine. "Ah, great," She muttered, leaning down and rummaging through a desk drawer for a quick moment. She pulled out a bunch of papers and flipped through them until she found a specific one. She wrote something on it and slid it across the desk. "I wasn't sure what I was going to assign you for your personal assignment, but this works well."

Lucy grabbed the paper, skimming the words. She glanced up at the older woman across the table. "Personal assignment?"

Juvia nodded. "Every patient gets one. Usually involves something they're into, or something that will help them progress with their treatment." She sat back in her chair. "I want you to write. I don't care what it is. A poem, a story—hell, a children's story. Write me something."

Lucy frowned. "Anything?"

Juvia's eyes narrowed slightly as she thought. Her blue hair was tucked back behind her ear. "Something...meaningful."

"What makes something meaningful?"

The woman smiled gently. "That's up to you to decide."

Lucy's frown grew. _Pretty stupid assignment. I hate you._ _Thank you for giving me this idiotic writing project. Thank you for wasting some more precious moments of my life in this absolute hellhole._

"Okay."

How the hell was a person supposed to write something meaningful when absolutely nothing was meaningful to them?


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N:_** **Hi everyone! Hope everyone likes the story so far. Just a warning that this chapter (and the chapters following in this story) may get a little graphic and descriptive about mental illness, even more than it already has. I'm definitely going to put a trigger warning up in the story description (I'm sorry that I even forgot to do that in the first place). Also, my formatting keeps glitching when I upload, so hopefully things go smoothly for the next chapters, but bear with me. Thanks for reading and please review! I could use some constructive criticism!**

Lucy had spent the past hour in the library trying to type up something 'meaningful'. By the time she'd left, on her way towards her dreaded kitchen duty responsibility, she had exactly zero words written down. Awesome.

Maybe she should just fake it. But some random words down about how the sun is bright and beautiful and yellow, and tell Juvia that it was meaningful to her because _growth_ , or some bullshit like that. Bada bing, personal assignment would be over with and done and she wouldn't have to worry about it ever again. She wouldn't do it, though. Partially because she knew Juvia wouldn't buy it, and also because she was kind of a stubborn bitch. She hated being given a challenge and failing to accomplish it.

Shoving her pissy thoughts about the personal assignment to the back of her mind, Lucy made her way into the kitchen area. There, one of the chefs was waiting for her; he gave her some gloves and an apron and lead her to the sink, giving her detailed instructions about washing dishes and putting them away. He stalked off into the next room, getting ready to prepare lunch; it smelled like he was cooking chicken.

The piles of dirty dishes nearly touched the ceiling. Knowing she was expected to have all of them washed, dried and put into their proper place before her kitchen shift was up, Lucy dove into the work. She decided that she hated doing dishes and that she hated Tranquil Pines.

Her mind began to wander back to her personal assignment and finding something meaningful to write about. Was anything really meaningful to her? Would anything really be meaningful to a girl who was absolutely willing to take blades and destroy herself? _Could_ anything be meaningful to a person who actively chose to wreck the one thing that should be meaningful—themselves? Probably not.

Her thoughts flickered back to her solo therapy session, back to what Juvia had asked her.

 _What made you first cut yourself?_

A mixture of things, really. Mom. And dad. And the fact that she didn't have anyone, ever. It wasn't like she was a freak or something, but most people tended to shy away from the quiet girl whose mom died. She didn't really blame them.

She could still remember the first time she'd cut. Something bad had happened at school—some absolute dickhead started teasing her about having a dead mum or something—and she'd run home, bolted the doors locked and instantly headed for the kitchen knives. She wasn't sure why. She was only fourteen, then. Why would a fourteen year old's instinct be to grab a kitchen knife and slit her own wrists?

Either way, once she'd done it, she knew she was screwed. The second the blade pierced her skin, she was gone. The release was instant. Every bad thought, every memory of her mother that haunted her dreams, every memory of being alone was instantly blurred to the point that her brain was blind. An odd numbness enveloped her entire being—mind, body, spirit. It was like a cure.

Except that it always came back again. The bad thoughts, the memories. They always returned. So, she'd go down again—get the steak knives, break her razor and snatch the blade out of it. She'd keep going. A vicious cycle just to calm the horrible thoughts. Worth it, though.

Was it bad that she couldn't stop thinking about cutting herself while she washed dishes? Was it bad that she had gone only one day without seeing her own blood, and she missed it, as though it were a dear friend of hers?

Without hesitation, Lucy tossed the dish she was soaping up back into the bubble filled sink. She pulled her gloves off hastily, glancing around before grabbing a clean, large steak knife. There was no hesitation in her actions; she pressed the blade against her already mauled wrist and pulled downwards.

Her never-ending thoughts came to a halt. Little droplets of blood formed, marking their territory on her pale skin. She slashed again, lower down on her arm. Pleasure flooded her veins, the tension in her body vanishing as though it had never existed. She lifted the knife, placing it closer to her elbow; she prepared to create another gash—but before she could, she was interrupted.

A voice cut through the silence of the room, bouncing off of all of the piles of dirty dishes. "Hey, sorry I'm late, Gray decked me and—"

Lucy glanced up, brown eyes frantic. She hadn't thought anyone would be coming through that door, and she hadn't heard anything coming down the hall (perhaps she'd been to busy indulging in adrenaline to hear) but now _he_ was here and _he_ was staring directly at her and now everything was fucked.

The pink haired boy's jaw dropped as his mind caught up with the scene before him.

New girl. Knife. Blood—and lots of it.

Before she had the chance to even _try_ to explain herself or come up with any sort of excuse to make it seem like an accident, the boy dashed over to her, fast as lightning. He grabbed her arm roughly, careful not to touch the tender wounds; he tugged her towards an empty sink, turned the water on and yanked her arm underneath it.

The water ran red; as seconds passed the water slowly washed away any hint that there had been blood at all.

Lucy supposed it wasn't good when she realized she missed the sight of it.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The boy snapped, dark eyes flickering up to her face.

He seemed truly, to his very core, disappointed in her. And for a second, she actually felt bad. She felt like apologizing. Because she'd upset this total stranger.

"I was just..." She trailed off, looking down at the three fresh slices on her skin. "Washing dishes."

The boy hit the tap, turning the running water off. His grip was still tight, his big hands wrapped around her forearm like his life depended on it. He tugged her over to the wall, snatching the First Aid kit off of its hanger. He hauled her over to a couple of chairs in the corner, surrounding an old wooden table.

He opened the kit and dumped its contents onto the table; without releasing Lucy's arm, he grabbed some gauze and bandages.

He looked into her eyes again. "Why did you do that?" He grabbed some disinfectant cream and wiped it onto her wounds. She made a face; the cream stung.

Lucy felt like a child being chastised by a teacher. "I-I don't know," She muttered, stumbling over her own words. "I just—I felt like it."

He shook his head. "That's stupid." He put the tube of cream back into the metal kit.

Lucy frowned. "Why?" Her eyes flickered over her arm, down at her cuts. She almost wished she'd been able to make more before this boy came in.

The boy's voice was dark. "You don't ever need to hurt yourself. _Ever._ "

The blonde made a face. "You do realize you're saying this to the girl that cuts herself, right?" She shook her head. "Not really the easiest advice to take."

The boy's dark eyes met hers; his gaze was intense, almost as though he was searching for some kind of answer behind her brown orbs. "You're Lucy, right?"

She leaned back, surprised. "You know my name?"

He made a face. "What, you don't think I was listening when you introduced yourself?"

Lucy shrugged. "Not really." She sighed, looking down at her arm as he taped gauze over the new slices in her flesh. "You're Natsu."

He smirked, continuing to work on her arm. He taped the gauze down and then carefully laid bandages over top; he layered one over the other, careful to cover every cut she'd just made. "So you listened, too."

"Kinda hard not to, with your introduction."

His lips spread into a grin so bright that Lucy swore the room lit up. "You liked my story, huh?"

The corners of her lips turned up slightly. "You're very creative." A moment passed before she spoke again. "Why do you lie about why you're here?"

Natsu shrugged, meeting her eyes again. "Dunno. Why do you cut yourself?"

Lucy's eyebrows tugged down as her expression twisted into a frown. "Dunno."

"Well, there you go."

He finished bandaging her up, and placed everything back into the first aid kit. He grabbed the kit and put it back on its hook beside the door.

"So, what is it, then?" She asked, pushing him further. "You a compulsive liar?"

Natsu grinned again—and again, Lucy was absolutely astounded by how brightly a boy in a rehabilitation facility could smile—and gave her a shrug. "That's part of it."

"And the other part?"

He winked. "It's more fun this way." He sat back down in the chair across from her, his intense gaze set upon her face yet again.

Normally, whenever Lucy encountered a person, she'd evaluate them. Maybe it was because she preferred logic and needed to classify people into categories of what she expected them to be, or maybe it was because she was a writer and everyone in her world was a character and she had to define them to the point where she could understand them. Either way, it was a naturally occurring activity that she took part in whenever someone cropped up in her life. But right now, in this moment, she was truly stumped.

There were only a few things Lucy knew about Natsu, and they were not very defining. Number one: he had a very bright smile. Number two: he did not like seeing her cutting herself. Number three: he was a compulsive liar (probably not actually, but he tended to lie about why he was at the facility and he had yet to tell her the truth about himself, so she put him in the compulsive liar category). Number four: his hair was salmon.

So basically, she knew absolutely nothing about the boy.

Natsu leaned back in the chair, tilting it so it balanced on two legs. "My turn."

"Your turn? For what?"

"For me to quiz you," He responded easily, as though it were obvious. "You had your go asking questions. My turn."

Lucy made a face. "I asked you one question. That's hardly a quiz."

He ignored her. "What were you thinking of that made you do _that_?" He nodded towards her now bandaged wrist.

Images of her mother flashed through her mind; she cringed. "Nothing."

"You're a pretty shitty liar," Natsu noted.

Lucy shrugged. "Just some bad memories."

He nodded, fully accepting that as a valid answer. "Fair enough. I still don't think you should hurt yourself, though."

Lucy's eyebrows raised. "Oh, you don't?"

"Nah," Natsu murmured, looking up at the ceiling as he leaned his chair back even further. "Your skin's too pretty to cut up."

Her cheeks blushed a dark rouge, and her brown eyes dropped to the floor. She stayed silent, unsure of how to respond to his compliment. After a few moments of silence, she peered back up at the boy through her thick eyelashes; he appeared calm as a cucumber, still leaning back in his chair, looking around the room.

A few seconds later, he piped up, flashing the girl a coy smile. "Saw you staring at me today at breakfast."

"I was not!" Lucy cried, cheeks blazing yet again. "I just—I um—"

"Pretty creepy of you." He grinned, clearly having a great time embarrassing Lucy.

"Well, it was hard not to stare watching you eat half the buffet in one gulp!"

He laughed. It was one of the happiest sounds she'd ever heard. "Are you sure you're not stalking me, Luce?"

Lucy paused for a second, her joyful expression faltering. Shock seemed to take over her features; her body tensed up, surprised. _Luce_. She'd never had a nickname before. Ever. And now, ten minutes into a conversation with an absolute stranger, and she's got one.

 _Luce._

She couldn't help but beam, brighter than she had in a long time.

"Shut up, idiot."

"Creep."

The conversation was brought to a very sudden end when the chef returned to the room to retrieve a cutting board; when he saw the two helpers he'd been assigned—one who was _late_ —sitting down at the table having a chat, he nearly lost it. He screamed at them for two minutes about disrespect and the lack of time they had to accomplish washing the dishes for the lunch rush, and then promised that he would talk to Juvia about this so that they lost their freetime so they could make it up to him.

The rest of the kitchen shift went by quickly. Lucy washed the dishes while Natsu dried and put them in the correct cupboards. Since he'd worked in the kitchen before, he knew exactly where everything went and sped up the process tenfold.

They chatted easily as their shift went by; Natsu told stories about him pranking Gray and then escaping the guard's wrath afterwards. He told her stories about him annoying Juvia, but charming his way out of any real harsh consequences.

Lucy was quickly lost in his tales, laughing at every single joke he made. Only afterwards did she notice that there had been no awkward silences, no struggle to come up with a response.

At the end of the shift, they hung up their aprons on the hooks by the doorway, then turned to face another.

"I guess I'll see you here later," He said with a laugh, shaking his head. Juvia had come and informed them that they would in fact be dedicating their free time to making it up to the chef. "3:00 sharp."

"Try not to be late."

Natsu grinned. "No promises."

Lucy sighed, giving him a wave, turning towards her left. He turned to the right, heading the opposite way, towards whatever activity was next on his schedule.

She was almost sad to see him go. _Almost_.

"Seeya, Luce."

"Bye, Natsu!"

Lucy smiled the whole way down the hall towards her next activity, thinking that if making friends meant she'd get to know people like Natsu, then she oughta try it out.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a week, and she'd never missed seeing blood so much. It honestly felt weird going so long without pressing a sharp blade to her flesh. She missed the rush in her veins, the numbness in her limbs, the emptiness of her mind the moment of impact. It had gotten to the point where she thought about it before falling asleep, as if the blade on her skin was her long-lost lover.

She figured she was pretty pathetic.

She would, if she could. Except she never had a moment alone. In her room, Erza always had a watchful eye. Outside of the room, she was constantly kept watch by guards. The only second she wasn't being watched, as far as she knew, was when she was in the bathroom stall. She'd do it then, if she had the tools. Which she didn't. So, she was screwed. Unable to cut, but unable to stop thinking about it.

She wished she'd been addicted to something else. Drugs, like Gajeel. At least drugs were tangible; the urge to absolutely demolish yourself was just _nothingness._ Like a constant voice in the back of her mind, whispering horrible things to her. Trying to convince her to go out, seek out a knife or something, and just _do it._ She wished she'd been hooked on cocaine. At least, at some point, it would be gone from her body and the addiction could be cracked. This addiction, she was sure, would last forever.

So far, her first week at Tranquil Pines had been rather boring. No sleep, thanks to Erza—not that Lucy blamed her, or even minded at all (whenever she slept, she just dreamt about cutting). Not much fun had occurred. Lucy supposed that one afternoon with Natsu had counted as fun, despite him walking in on her—and stopping her from continuing—cutting herself.

She'd enjoyed it. The boy with the pink hair was charming, bright, and had a smile that lit up the whole world. Except, they were both supposed to meet again that evening and work, and they'd both been given the same kitchen duty for the whole week. The fact that he never showed up to another one of these commitments had bummed her out.

He skipped their time owing to the chef, and he didn't come to any of the other kitchen duties that week. He never came to breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. It was as though he'd evaporated off the side of the earth.

Lucy had asked where he was—nonchalantly, of course—but no one had seen him.

She hoped it wasn't anything to do with her, but deep down felt guilty. One afternoon and a single conversation with the kid, and he totally disappears? That's not just a coincidence.

Still, she continued on.

Mira was trying to help Lucy with her personal assignment, trying to help her find something meaningful to write about.

"Do you like animals?" Mirajane asked, swinging her legs as she sat on the edge of the rock-solid cot.

It was Saturday. On the weekends, schedules were still given out, but were slack; the girls had been assigned correlating hours of free-time. Rather than be watched by guards in the library or outside, they opted to stay indoors. Erza and Mira decided to aid Lucy in her frustration with the assignment.

Lucy shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. They're nice, but I don't love them."

"Plants?" Erza offered. "Gardening?"

"Not so much," Lucy muttered in response. She flopped back onto her bed, letting out a heavy sigh. "This is hopeless! Nothing is meaningful to me."

Mira seemed concerned.

From what Lucy had inferred from the actions of her two newest companions, they both appeared to be very caring people. Mira was a bit more outwardly compassionate, whereas Erza only dished out truly empathetic outbursts when specifically needed, but they both were always willing to help out.

Lucy found Mira to be a bit of a hypocrite, although not intentionally. She would always urge Erza to get some help, to buzz the counsellor down every night whenever she couldn't sleep, saying it would help her—and then absolutely refuse to get help herself.

Lucy noticed how Mira rarely ate. At breakfast, while everyone else hounded down their eggs or pancakes or whatever, Mira would just poke hers around and pretend not to notice. She'd eat a bite of fruit, some days. That was it. Maybe have a glass of water at lunch. Erza would urge her to eat, tell her that she needed nutrition, but Mira never listened. Of course she wouldn't.

Lucy didn't blame her. It was the exact same way for everyone at Tranquil Pines.

They all had these terrible problems, terrible addictions, but wanted to take care of everyone else first. Mira was worried about Erza not getting enough sleep—meanwhile, Mira's body was deteriorating beyond repair. How did that make sense? How was that fair?

It wasn't. But Lucy did the exact same thing. Even now, in her mind, calling Mira a hypocrite for caring about others while still having a problem, made Lucy just as hypocritical.

She supposed that was the way it was, though. Just because you were mentally ill or were addicted to drugs or were starving yourself didn't complicate your absolute humanity. Just because you were sick didn't mean you wanted everyone else to be infected, too.

"Um, Lucy?" Erza's voice cut through Lucy's thoughts, bringing her back to reality.

Lucy blinked, a frown exploding across her features. "What? Sorry."

Mira giggled; her lips spread tightly across her gaunt face. "A little distracted today, are we?"

"Uh, yeah," Lucy murmured, shaking her head. "Just...have lots to think about."

Erza gave Mira a glance, laughing. Lucy noticed how tired she looked. "We'll do this another time, Lucy—you look like you need a real break."

Mira nodded. "It's just about lunch hours. We should head down, chat with the gang. See what their plans are for the weekend."

"Sounds good to me," Lucy chimed in. The urge was returning and she desperately needed a distraction. Maybe talking to people would busy her enough that the feelings would pass, although she strongly doubted it was possible. "I'm hungry, anyways."

The trio went down to their groups' room, prepared for lunch. Erza and Lucy grabbed whopping plates of salad, along with some soup; Mira got busy with chatting with the others, gossiping about whatever conspiracy about the facility had cropped up that week.

Lucy wasn't dedicated to the conversation; her mind was elsewhere, focusing on how every single person within their group was present—except for one.

A particular pink haired boy was absent, yet again.


	6. Chapter 6

Lucy couldn't sleep. Go figure.

She couldn't even blame it on Erza tonight. The entire night, Erza had been doing fairly well; just flipping around in bed a lot, but no screams of bloody murder shocked the little dorm room. In fact, this had been the best Erza had slept in the entire two weeks Lucy had been at Tranquil Pines. So why the hell couldn't Lucy sleep?

She laid in bed, deliberating on that same exact question for several hours. At about 3:30 AM, she summarized the theories in her head, coming to the conclusion that her mind was _far_ too awake and that being trapped in a tiny little dorm room didn't really exercise her brain to the point where it was ready for bed. She couldn't even see the stars. She was sure that if she caught a glimpse of them before bed, like she used to, she'd be able to fall asleep without hesitation.

And so, Lucy set out to see the stars.

Getting past the guards wouldn't be easy, she was sure of it. They covered the place. Last she'd heard, they were around every single corner, every second of the day. This place was a prison, and she was an inmate attempting to escape.

She grabbed a sweater—a plain black one, supplied by the facility—in case she got cold, and peeked out of her room. The halls were dimly lit; she peered out, searching for any sort of guard or surveillance.

The walls were clear of cameras, and she failed to locate any security guard in the hall. She hesitated, thinking maybe there was a guard there and she just couldn't see him. She feared that as soon as she left the room, she'd be caught.

Deciding to take a risk and catch a glimpse of freedom rather than lay in the hard little bed for another second, she bolted. Moving quickly but quietly through the halls, Lucy headed away from the dorm room, leaving sleeping Erza behind. Seeing no security ahead, Lucy pressed onwards, passing dorm rooms as she went.

The more rooms she passed, the more disturbed she felt. She could hear slight murmurs within the rooms, just a faint whisper of what was transpiring inside. She could hear crying in several of the rooms.

Her chest hurt. Lately, she'd only been thinking about herself. Meanwhile, others were here, much worse off than herself...How could she be so selfish?

Pushing onwards, knowing that she absolutely could not get caught, she headed towards the stairs. She ran upwards, knowing that she only had a single flight until she hit the roof, rather than three down to the main entrance. She figured sitting on the roof would give her a better view of the stars, with less risk of being seen.

The door to the roof was heavy; she struggled to push it open. Once she managed, though, a wave of pleasure—one that nearly rivalled slicing and dicing up her own skin—flooded over her body. It was chilly out, enough that the wind bit at her skin and made it sting. It was dark, too—the perfect light to view the stars. Everything was perfect.

Except, in the next moment, Lucy realized she was not alone on the rooftop of the facility.

She frowned, narrowing her eyes at the figure sitting near the edge of the roof. The door behind her closed shut, taking the light with it. She blinked, clearing her eyes again. "...Natsu?" She called out, unsure. Was it him she'd seen just moments before?

There was a second of silence before a voice responded into the darkness. "Over here, Luce."

Lucy stumbled her way towards the voice; after a second, she found the body that belonged to it. She was confused and very, very surprised, considering the kid hadn't shown up to _anything_ in the past thirteen days. "What are you doing up here?"

His voice was warm, but off. Something was wrong. "I could ask you the same thing," He shot back with a laugh. After a second, he reached out and touched her arm. "Come, sit beside me."

Lucy flinched away from his touch slightly once she realized he could feel the ugly mounds from her old scars, but sat beside him. She was surprised to find that he had a blanket laid out, as well as one wrapped around him. The longer she was out there, the easier it became to see; she glanced over at the boy.

He looked like absolute shit. His hair was messy, but not in a tasteful, artsy way; no, it was messed up in the _got the shit beat out of you recently_ sort of way. His skin was pale and dead looking. He looked gaunt, and his cheeks were hollowed in as though he hadn't eaten in weeks.

Oh, wait. He hadn't been to breakfast or lunch or dinner in 13 days. He truly _hadn't_ eaten in weeks.

Lucy's words spilled from her lips before she had the chance to hold them back. "Oh my god, Natsu, what's wrong with you?"

The boy blinked. "Geez," He muttered, shaking his head. He pulled a blanket around his shoulders tightly, then grabbed the extra blanket and tucked it around Lucy. "Way to hit a guy when he's down."

Lucy was still so shocked by his appearance that her control over her words had apparently vanished. "You look...you look _awful_."

Natsu flashed her a sneer, although it seemed pretty weak and tired. "Thanks."

"What are you doing out here?" She took a moment, and then changed her direction. "Where have you _been?_ "

"Nowhere."

The blonde narrowed her eyes. "So you've missed all of your activities for the past two weeks because you've been _nowhere_?" She snapped, a little annoyed that he would even bother to lie like that.

Natsu shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

"Well, it _looks_ like a big deal," Lucy murmured, eyeing him over again. "You look terrible. Are you sick?"

"You could say that."

"Ugh. Quit being so vague."

His lips spread into a tired grin. "Sorry, Luce."

Her brown eyes met his. "You sure you can't tell me?"

He smiled, and it was sort of sad. "Can't. Sorry."

Lucy leaned back, laying down on the soft fabric of the blanket. "That's fine, then," She responded. Her eyes flickered up to the dim twinkles of light in the dark sky. "You can tell me whenever you feel like it."

There was silence for a moment, but it wasn't awkward. Lucy smiled up at the stars, glad to finally see them. It was like visiting an old friend. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Natsu smile and then try to desperately stuff it away.

Natsu's voice was soft when he spoke again. "What are you doing out here?"

Her voice was high. It sounded like the chiming of bells. "I came to see the stars. I missed them."

"Me too," Natsu whispered, glancing up at the sky, mimicking Lucy. "I love it out here."

They were quiet for a while, sitting side by side, watching the stars. It was chilly, but Natsu's blankets kept them relatively comfortable. They stayed there, together, in the warm and comfortable quiet until the sun began to rise and the sky lit up like it was on fire. Lucy had drifted off, her body slumped beside the boys'; he poked her cheek delicately, waking her, telling her it was time to go.

They had to go before the guard's got back. Apparently, he knew their schedules. He knew that there was only security on the first floor, at the entrance, during the night shift. In the morning, the other guards arrived.

He walked Lucy to her dorm room, telling her it was fun. She agreed. She gave him a wave and then went into her room, instantly hitting her cot.

She was so tired, it felt soft. She fell asleep quickly, completely at ease.

He went back to his room. He laid in bed, but did not sleep. Bad things happened whenever he slept. He lay there until morning, eyes open, thinking about the only thing that had distracted him lately.

Lucy.


	7. Chapter 7

She couldn't sleep, yet again. How annoying.

Erza was in her bed, fast asleep, snores filling the room; lately, her habits of screaming and crying all night long had been improving. Lucy was glad—her roommate needed the rest. Sleep put Erza in a good mood, and _no one_ liked Erza grumpy.

Still, Lucy lay awake, eyes on the popcorn ceiling. She glared at it, desperately searching for some kind of pattern within the bumpy, rough patches; in one spot, she found something that slightly resembled a smiley face.

What time was it? Four in the morning? Had to be. Too bad she couldn't tell. No clocks, no windows.

Before Lucy even had a second of opportunity to complain—silently, of course—about the facility not having goddamn windows in the dorm rooms, there was a hasty knock on the door. Lucy's body froze, unsure. Who the hell could that be? A few second later, another knock, short and quiet.

More seconds passed before a voice hissed through the door. "Lucy! Lucy, open the door. Jesus."

Lucy frowned, muscles relaxing once she recognized the voice. She puttered over towards the door and quietly pulled it open, careful not to wake Erza. "Natsu? What're you—"

He clapped his hands around her mouth. "Shh, brat."

Lucy made a face—she _hardly_ considered herself a brat—but silenced herself anyways. Her left eyebrow rose as she patiently waited for an explanation.

Honestly, he looked like shit—much worse than he had the night they'd been on the roof, and that was only three days ago. His skin was almost grey, and he looked as though he might snap if she so much as poked him. The scarf he usually wore—must've snuck it into the facility—was tied around his head; his pink hair poked out erratically.

"Come with me."

"Is everything okay?" Lucy asked, voice muffled by his hand.

Natsu nodded, dragging her into the hall; she pulled her dorm room shut at the last second. He gripped her arm tightly, but was careful not to hurt her. Lucy noticed that he completely ignored the blistering scars beneath his touch. "Yeah, yeah. Let's go."

He tugged her up the stairs until they'd bursted onto the rooftop. Blankets—extra, this time—were already tucked into little nests, side by side, for them to sit in. Natsu sat Lucy down, spent an extra second tucking her in and covering her up, and then sat down beside her.

Lucy looked at him with anticipation. "What is it? What's wrong?"

The rather ill looking boy gave her a glance. "Nothin'. Just wanted some company."

Her expression crumbled into a frown. "Why were we in such a hurry?"

He shrugged. "I got sick of waiting for you to show up, so I came to get you."

"Waiting for me?"

"Yeah—I was thinkin', you should just come up here every night." He paused; Lucy noted how much he looked like a child when he thought. "Instead of keeping me waiting."

Lucy made a face. "Keep you waiting? I didn't know I was supposed to come!"

"Well, didn't you have fun last time?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Then why wouldn't you think you should come back?"

"Because!" She cried. "This was your place, I just intruded last time."

Natsu shook his head, wrinkling his nose. "I had a great time. I need you to keep me company."

Lucy's cheeks blushed, and she ducked her head, looking at the blankets overlapping her legs. "You did?"

He seemed confused. "'Course."

She nodded. "Then, I'll come."

"Every night?"

"Every night."

He beamed; it looked wrong on his breakable, sick looking body. "Great."

They sat in silence for a moment after that, as they both settled into their cozy little nests; Natsu wrapped the blankets around his shoulders, shivering. Lucy peered over at him, getting worried—he looked terrible.

"Natsu, is everything okay?"

Natsu glanced over at the blonde, and for a split second, his expression crumbled down into one of absolute pain. It was only visible for a fragment of a second before he recomposed himself, huffed out a deep breath, and flashed her a smile. The smile was slightly broken and kind of sad. "Yeah. Just got lonely up here."

In that moment, Lucy suddenly became very aware that everything was definitely not okay and that he didn't just haul her up here because he needed company. She was suddenly acutely aware that something was very wrong with him and he brought her up here as a distraction, something to keep him busy, something to keep him occupied. A distraction for what, she wasn't sure. But that's why she was here.

Because he wanted _her_ to be what kept the pain away.

Lucy had never been important to anybody. She'd never been anyone's best friend, she'd never been anyone's girlfriend, she'd never been anyone's _anything_. This meant something to her. Sure, Natsu could've picked _anybody_ to be his distraction from whatever it was that was hurting him so much, but he happened to pick her. She felt kind of...well, honoured.

Her stomach felt fuzzy, and her cheeks flushed a deep, bloody red at the thought. _Someone wanted her._

Natsu made a face. "You feeling okay?"

Lucy nodded, sort of at a loss for words. She knew he hadn't confirmed that her beliefs were true, but just by that awful expression she'd caught on his face seconds before, she knew she was right. He was hurting, and he didn't want to be alone, so he'd gotten Lucy. God, why did that make her feel so fucking amazing?

"Yes," Lucy sputtered out in response. "I feel...good."

For the first time since she'd met the boy, he appeared to be a little shy. Maybe it was because, even though he hadn't explicitly said it, he understood what he'd just communicated, too. Maybe it was because he knew he'd sorta kinda just told Lucy what he needed from her. And it was intimate, in a way. "That's...good."

She couldn't really tell, but she thought maybe he was blushing a little.

Lucy decided to give up looking at the stars, instead choosing to look at Natsu. Subtly, of course. She couldn't dare live with herself if he caught her in the act.

A couple of minutes later, Natsu muttered, "Quit staring, freak."

Lucy's face went purple, and she mechanically shifted to look back at the sky. She could've died of embarrassment. Natsu just laughed.

They stayed there until sunrise began, and then packed up the blankets, same as the first day. Again, he walked her to her dorm room.

"Thanks for coming," Natsu mumbled, looking at his feet again. "Sorry if I woke you."

Lucy grinned. "You didn't, don't worry."

The boy peeked up at her from under his scarf. "See you tomorrow, right?" His expression was odd—almost as if he was afraid she would forget about going to the roof every night.

The fact that he looked scared made her heart nearly burst. "Of course," Lucy responded, voice soft. "I promise."

He raised an eyebrow. "Pinky promise?" He stuck his little finger out.

Lucy laughed, wrapped her finger around his. "Pinky promise."

"Good." He seemed pleased.

"Goodnight, Natsu," Lucy whispered, heading back into her dorm room. "See you tomorrow."

The boy gave her a wave as he headed down the corridor. "Seeya, Luce!"

She closed the door behind her, letting out a heavy breath as she leaned against the wooden frame. Her heart was hammering; her stomach felt fuzzy.

She didn't sleep the rest of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

Lucy had been at Tranquil Pines for one month. She'd been visiting the counsellor nonstop in mandatory daily—sometimes twice a day—sessions because the facility was hell-bent on trying to figure out why she was so fucking messed up. No progress yet—she still refused to tell the counsellor, Juvia, anything. And Lucy was fine with that.

The urge to cut was nagging, almost like a thirst that raged throughout her entire body. She wanted to see her blood, she wanted to feel the rush that wrecked her body every time. She missed it. She was desperate to experience that again. Unfortunately, she lacked the tools. And the alone time, since she was basically watched every second of the day. So, she just dreamt about it.

Sometimes, when Erza fell asleep, Lucy would crawl down off the floor and scratch her wrists on her wrought iron bed frame. It wasn't sharp, but it scraped the skin, and it was enough to remind her of what she was missing. Lucy occasionally caught herself daydreaming about slitting her wrists.

How morbid.

She wasn't quite as miserable as she was at the beginning of her stay at the facility, mostly due to her nightly meetups with Natsu. They met up every night on the roof; he always brought blankets for her. They talked now, instead of sitting in silence. They told each other about their days, about what went on, about the latest gossip Mira had supposedly heard of within the facility. They got along well. Lucy enjoyed his company. And his smile. Not that she paid attention to his smile.

Some days, Lucy had began to notice, the boy with the pink hair was sad. He wouldn't tell her explicitly, of course, but he would let her know with his eyes. He'd give her this odd look—it appeared as though he was being brutally tortured; pain radiated from him—and she would immediately just _know_ it was one of those days. One of those days where everything was dark and ugly in his world, and he needed her to just take care of him and distract him from whatever the hell was haunting him. And she'd do it. Because, in his own way, he'd begged her to.

So, she'd keep him busy. She'd talk and talk and talk until his mind was absolutely absorbed in whatever she said. She'd tell him about her childhood, about how she used to draw but she stopped when she was fourteen, about how she loves how birch trees look and how evergreen trees smell. She'd tell him about her mother, about how beautiful her hair was, even though the thought of her sent misery and pain down her spine. It hurt, talking about things like that, but she did it. Because the boy with the pink hair and the 1000 watt smile was hurting and needed stuff like that to make it better.

And it worked every time. He'd get distracted, he'd get enveloped in her words, he'd start to smile more and more. He liked to hear about her. He liked to imagine what she was like as a kid. He liked to imagine what her mother looked like. He wondered why tears filled her eyes whenever she mentioned her. It made him angry at the world that a person like Lucy was sad enough to be in a place like this.

She was good at clearing his head. She never shut up and her words were like magic and it was like he was in a different place, like they were somewhere special and nice, not an ugly rooftop on a rehabilitation facility. She made him forget about the darkness.

So far, Lucy's stay at Tranquil Pines had been rather...boring. She knew it was mostly due to her being the newest member of their group, which resulted in an annoying amount of solo therapy sessions that simply resulted in a couple of wasted hours per day, since they restricted her from joining in group activities until Juvia had come to a conclusion about the young girl's state. She knew once the counsellor had finished her individual evaluation, things would pick up.

Although everything had been boring so far, today was special. It was the first visiting day since Lucy had arrived. Today was the day when family and friends had the opportunity to come to the facility and visit their checked in loved ones. Lucy was excited—her father, despite his tendency to be away for work—had promised he would visit on every single visiting day. She sorta missed him.

Everyone was very excited. It was sort of a free-for-all; no mandatory schedules for anyone, since family members were arriving to visit. There were guards everywhere, but everyone had the opportunity to roam the grounds with their visitors. Activities were still open, for patients whose visitors left early.

At breakfast, everyone awaited their families' arrivals; the room buzzed with excitement. Natsu plunked himself down beside Lucy, stuffing his face before she had the chance to say hello.

The first person to get a visitor was Gray; a guard told him someone was waiting for him, and he returned moments later with an older, dark haired woman. Lucy assumed it was his mother, or mother-figure. They sat and ate fruit. Gray looked happy, but nervous.

The next person to get a guest was Mira; when the guard notified her, she ran down out of the room and down the corridor to the entrance. She returned with two people: a boy and a girl, both with the same striking white hair. They were young. Siblings, Lucy guessed. They sat down and had breakfast. Mira was so excited, she ate _two_ pieces of fruit instead of her usual tiny bite of one.

Erza's guest was a blue haired boy. As they ate breakfast, Lucy noticed that they subconsciously _had_ to be touching each other. Half the time, they weren't even aware they were touching elbows or feet. Had to be dating to be close like that.

Everyone else's guests began to show up, overlapping; they all ate and began to shuffle out. After an hour, only Lucy and Natsu remained in the room, vistor-less.

He seemed grumpy. "Anyone coming for you?"

Lucy turned to look at him; an echo of _the look_ , the one filled with pain and sadness, flickered in his eyes. "My dad," she responded, only hesitating after the words stumbled out of her mouth. Maybe he'd forgotten. Maybe he just didn't care enough to show up. "You?"

Natsu slumped in his seat, facing forward rather than meeting her eyes. He shrugged. The look of sadness grew. "No one."

Lucy made a face. "No one? At all?"

Natsu shrugged again. "Nah."

"Why not?"

He didn't respond. Touchy subject.

Lucy sighed, looking at the clock. "Well, don't worry. I don't think my visitor is gonna show."

Natsu's forehead wrinkled as he frowned, looking at the girl beside him. "Why not?"

She tried not to look disappointed. "He's always like this. Work first, me later. Wouldn't surprise me if he blew me off for a meeting."

One of Natsu's hands, resting on the table, wound up into a fist. He shook his head; his voice was strained. "He'll come, Luce. I promise."

Her voice was shaky. "Hope so." Lucy took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. "Until he does, you wanna do something?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know—I've never used the tennis courts out back yet. Wanna play?"

Natsu's frown immediately flickered into a grin; Lucy's heart beat faster. "Absolutely."

So, the pair made their way down to the old, overgrown tennis courts. Branches, leaves and vines infested the place; the duo scraped clear the courts with the rackets they'd gotten from the front desk.

Natsu had warned Lucy that he was competitive; Lucy snapped back that she could hold her own.

It never occurred to either of them that they both had absolutely no skill in tennis.

The two desperately tried to shoot the tennis ball back and forth but failed miserably; simply hitting the ball made them both cheer out in congratulations. Their competition was miserable—they were both awful. But they had fun. Natsu would dramatically dive out for the ball, flailing his arms around as he did so; Lucy would burst out laughing, missing the return shot because her eyes were watering from the laughter.

They played until they were breathing heavily and their palms were sweaty. After that, they went on to the next activity.

Pottery.

Lucy grinned as she touched the wet, messy paste that was her soon-to-be pot. "Reminds me of _Ghost_ ," She muttered, glancing over at the boy beside her, trying to copy how his hands moved over the lump of clay.

Natsu made a face, frowning at her comments as he twisted his fingers around the clay. It spun on the turntable, molding the lump's shape. "What's _Ghost_?"

Lucy pulled her hands away from her clay; it instantly fell limp, and the turntable came to a slow stop. "You've never seen _Ghost_?" She snapped, appalled.

"What the hell is it?"

"A movie!"

" _About_?"

She narrowed her eyes. "A ghost."

"Go figure," he muttered, shaking his head. "Explain it to me."

"Okay," Lucy grinned, eyes lighting up. "So, Patrick Swayze gets shot, right? And he becomes a ghost. And Demi Moore is his girlfriend, they're super in love, and..." She continued on, explaining in detail the plot of _Ghost_ scene by scene.

After she finished, Natsu gave her a look. "How many times have you seen that?"

Lucy ducked her head, turning back to her lump of clay. She got it spinning again and twisted it back up into a tall shape. "Uh, two or three times."

He smirked. "Liar."

"Okay..." She trailed off, not meeting his eyes. "38 times."

Natsu keeled over, laughing. "You're kidding!"

"I like films," Lucy murmured, rolling her eyes.

"No kiddin', Luce!"

"You don't have any hobbies?" She snapped in response.

Natsu shrugged. "When I was a kid, I used to set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. Does that count?"

"Ugh," She grimaced. "That's cruel. No."

"Then, no. No hobbies for me."

"You could go into pottery, y'know," Lucy muttered, comparing her pot to Natu's. His actually _looked_ like a pot; hers was slanted and ugly. "Yours looks good."

"Thanks. Yours looks like my big toe."

"Asshole," She scoffed, laughing. "What do you want to do next?"

Natsu shrugged, flashing her a bright smile; again, Lucy found her heart to react strongly to such a simple act. At the sight of his grin, her heart stuttered a few beats, faltering for a second and then continuing at an accelerated rate.

"Everything," He responded.

So, they did. They conquered the entire facility that day: tennis, pottery, painting, sculpting, soccer, cooking. They did every fun activity the place offered—and they had a blast.

Painting was messy—Natsu splashed pink paint all over Lucy, and she fought back with red. By the time they finished, they were both absolutely splattered with the stuff. Sculpting was interesting; Natsu chose to create a sculpture out of clay, whereas Lucy opted to chip at a rock block for hers. By the end, Lucy's looked awful—just a block of rock with randomly chopped out pieces. Natsu had morphed his clay into a naked woman with big breasts; he wrote 'Luce' at the bottom of it. Lucy smacked him, and they moved onto soccer. Lucy didn't like this one as much—Natsu made her goalie, and he was attempting to score on her. Once he realized she was afraid of the ball, he no longer tried to score; now, he kept trying to hit her. Their game consisted of Natsu trying his best to hit Lucy with the ball, and her screaming and diving out of the way. She smacked him again. Cooking, their last activity of the day, was the best of all; they chose to make a chocolate cake. Natsu taste-tested the batter Lucy created until he decided it was perfect; while they waited for it to bake, they decided to cover each other in flour. Forty minutes later, they ate their cake right out of the pan, sharing a fork.

Then, they decided, they needed some milk. So, they headed over to the kitchens and asked the chef for two glasses of milk. They chugged it back, thirsty from their long day of excitement.

It was late at this point. Close to bedtime, on a regular day. People were still out with their visitors. Lucy asked the front desk if anyone had come for her, anyone at all. The woman gave her a look of pity and told her that no, no one had asked for Lucy.

Lucy's eyes watered, and Natsu pulled her up to the roof. There, she burst into tears. He pulled her into his chest and let her cry on him. She sobbed, staining his scarf; he didn't mind. He held her tight as she wept.

Her dad didn't come. She knew she shouldn't be surprised, but it still stung in her chest. She cried harder once she realized she wished her mom was alive to come visit her.

There weren't any blankets on the roof, since they'd decided to go up so suddenly and Natsu hadn't had time to prepare, so he just picked her up and plopped her down on his lap. She curled up, nuzzling her head into his neck, crying.

After an hour, her crying eased off.

"I'm sorry he didn't come," Natsu murmured, voice hard but caring. He was angry. _Very_ _angry_. How could anyone—especially family—desert Lucy like that? Lucy, this sweet, funny girl that cared way too much about everything? Her own father left her behind. Natsu wanted to kill that guy. Anyone that made Lucy cry like this didn't deserve to live.

"It's okay," Lucy sniffled, pulling away from his neck and looking into his eyes. He had a dark look in them. After a long moment, she whispered, "I'm sorry no one came for you, Natsu."

His big hands wrapped around her. She was warm, comforting. "Don't be," He muttered. "I'm used to it."

"Why?" She whispered, voice shaking.

"No one ever comes, Luce."

Her eyes were filling up with tears again. The look in her eyes begged him to explain further, to tell her.

But, he couldn't, just like he always couldn't. He couldn't bear to explain it to her, not now, not yet. So rather than explain the whole sob story, Natsu just pushed his face against Lucy's chest and mumbled out the words. He was quiet; his voice was muffled by her chest. Her fingers wound through his hair as he said the words, tears filling his eyes.

"They're all dead, Luce."

Lucy didn't ask any further than that. She knew he was spent by saying that much, and she was thankful and grateful he'd considered her important enough to even say that much about a topic he'd never told anyone anything about. She hugged him against her chest—which, in any other situation, she would've smacked him; she didn't often let boys touch her boobs—and cradled him in her arms. He didn't sob, but she could feel the wetness soaking through her shirt.

They stayed there all night, just the two of them. They had each other. They didn't need any visitors.


	9. Chapter 9

"So, I took the chainsaw, ripped the cord and turned it on, and blasted it right against the guy's throat. Blood everywhere. It was a real mess." The pink haired boy was mimicking the action of holding a chainsaw, making noises to go along with. "Then this chick comes, and I mean I don't really have any other options, right? So I come at her, cut off her limbs, one by one."

The room was entranced by his words, despite being aware that they were all ridiculously untrue.

"So, I go on this murderous rampage, I'm like _soaked_ in the blood of my victims. What do I do next?" Natsu peered down at Lucy, who sat beside him. "Luce, tell me what I do next."

Lucy blinked, unsure. "You…uh, go get some food?"

" _Exactly!_ " He clapped his hands together. He'd started the story half an hour ago; it was group therapy, and he was making up another wacky adventure as to why he was at Tranquil Pines. Except, this time, he'd gotten Lucy's input on certain aspects (mostly when he ran out of ideas). "So I go to iHop—make my own combo, of course."

Gajeel put his hand up. "You get the bacon omelette, too? Shit's tasty."

Mira cringed.

"Obviously, Gajeel. Obviously. So I eat my shitload of pancakes, and leave without paying. Get caught a couple hours later. I don't bother to try to run away—y'know, don't want the police force to lose their confidence, getting outrun by a kid," He winked at Lucy, "And I go to jail. It's hard, destroys me, almost. Then, I come here, because the jury thought I was changed." He took a deep breath. "The end."

The room erupted into applause; Natsu took a bow. After a second he hesitated, pulled Lucy up from her seat, and made her bow, too.

"We'll be here all week," Natsu called out, then pulled them both back into their seats.

Juvia was not impressed, but not surprised. She stood, trying to hide her smile. "Thank you for… _that_."

"It was a good one, wasn't it?"

"Very gory," She responded, shaking her head. "Anyways, whose next? Lucy? Would you like to say something?"

Lucy blinked, trying to stop herself from laughing at Natsu's story, and pulled herself up. "What do you want me to talk about?" She asked, unsure of what she was supposed to say.

"Well, you've been here how long? Two months, almost?"

Lucy nodded. "Yes."

"How are you liking it so far? Any progress with things?"

Lucy was extremely aware of how everyone's eyes were on her; without even realizing it, her right finger nails began sliding against her left wrist, scratching it. It didn't do anything, but it was a comforting action. "It's okay here," She murmured in response, eyes flashing to the floor so she didn't have to make eye contact with anyone. "I like our group."

"Any progress?" Juvia pushed.

Lucy's heart raced, her cheeks flushing with heat. She was embarrassed. Of course there hadn't been any progress. Couldn't everyone tell? Hell, she was right here, in group therapy, mimicking the action of cutting her wrists. There was no progression. She only got worse. Now, instead of cutting herself when she wanted, she just had the idea of it torturing her, plaguing her. Anger built inside her, the feelings of anxiety bubbling up her throat.

She wanted to scream. Why was she here? Did this really make anything better? Maybe for some. Maybe for Gajeel, whose body was physically addicted to something, this place would help. Being away from it for long enough, being watched carefully by guards, those things could help a guy with his problems. And Gray, this place would help Gray. He had panic attacks all the time, ones that kept him up at night. Being here, having a counsellor on hand to talk to about whatever caused that, _yeah_ , that might help. Certain people definitely benefitted from being here.

But Lucy didn't. Her problem wasn't simply physical. It was physical, mental, emotional. It impacted all her senses. She was addicted mentally and physically, and being drained from the rush she sought after so much wouldn't lessen the urge, it just made her crave it more.

Lucy's heart was pounding; her throat felt tight, like she was choking. Her nails began to violently slide against her wrists, enough that everyone was clearly aware of it. Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought about what Juvia had asked. She slammed her eyes shut, trying to block out reality.

 _Any progress?_

Her answer made her want to die. She could kill herself, right here, right now. _No. No progress. Only going backwards._

She scraped harder, beginning to go into her skin with her nails. It felt right. Like a dull, dull blade across her fragile skin. She'd missed this.

But the sting on her wrist was instantly cut off, and she was left thirsty with the urge to cut herself, just short from getting the dose of adrenaline she yearned for. Lucy's brown eyes snapped open, Natsu's face directly in front of hers. He was all she could see. There was no one else in the room with them for that very short moment; just Lucy and Natsu, looking at one another.

He appeared angry, sort of. Mad, but almost like he was choking on something. He had tears in his eyes. Real tears, like the tears he'd had on visiting day last week. His big, clumsy hands held her wrist carefully, like she would break if he was any more rough with her. When he spoke, he spit the words out as though he were on the verge of breaking down into heavy sobs.

"Don't hurt yourself, Luce. Please, _please_ don't hurt yourself." There was a second that flickered by, and his eyes only got more wet. "Please."

Lucy's throat was tight. She watched him carefully, guilt hitting her square in the chest. Clearly, she'd hurt him somehow. "I'm sorry."

Natsu shook his head, his thumbs rubbing the scratched indentations on her wrist. "Why do you have to hurt yourself? Don't you know how lucky you are?"

Before Lucy could even attempt to respond, Juvia, the counsellor was at their side; she placed a hand on each teenager's shoulder and murmured softly, "Head over to my office, please. I'll dismiss the group and be over there as soon as I can. We have some talking to do."

Lucy and Natsu made their way to do the door, the entire group's eyes on them. The place was silent. Everyone heard every creak of every single footstep the pair made. Lucy wanted to die; she'd never been so embarrassed before in her life. She could've burst into tears right then and there-except, something stopped that from happening. The warmth on her wrist.

Natsu didn't let go of Lucy the entire walk to Juvia's office.

They sat down in the oddly uncomfortable seating in the office and waited. Before the silence could settle, Natsu turned to her, voice angry.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Natsu asked, clearly upset. His face had contorted into an expression of pain, one that made Lucy's heart hurt. "Why do you have to hurt yourself like this?"

Lucy's brown eyes flickered down to her wrist, which Natsu still held. Beyond where his fingers lay was a tangle of old, lumpy scars and cuts; each one sent memories flashing back into her brain, as if she were reliving them. All moments of absolute agony, moments where she didn't think there was any hope left at all. Moments where hurting herself was the only way she was in control of what happened. "It just..." She trailed off. "Helps."

"How?" He asked, his own eyes trailing up her forearm. His thumb inched up, lifting the sleeve of her shirt slightly to reveal an endless path of scars. He flinched at the sight.

Lucy's eyes dropped. She felt like a child being chastised by a teacher.

Natsu sighed, his voice softening. "Tell me why you do this to yourself."

Suddenly very self-conscious, Lucy tugged her sleeves back down over her battered skin. Her expression became cold; she narrowed her eyes at him. "Why should I? Why should I tell you anything?" She shook her head. "Y'know, we've been spending every night together on that roof for close to two months, and you still haven't told me a single thing about you. I don't even know your favorite color, or your favorite sound, or your last name. What makes you think I should tell you about _this_ when you haven't let me get to know you at all?"

Natsu was quiet for a moment; his eyebrows had tugged down over his eyes, shrouding his gaze. He looked like he was battling with himself, battling to tell Lucy about his past and whatever haunted him or simply shrug and blow her off. After several long beats of silence, Natsu muttered, "My favorite color is red. My favorite sound is the sound of fireworks going off." He took a deep breath, then met her eyes. "My last name's Dragneel."

Natsu Dragneel. It suited him.

She shook the thoughts about his name out of her mind. "Okay, sure. But you know what I mean. You've been hiding from me, Natsu, and I'm sick of it." She searched his face, trying to make sense of his confused, innocent expression. "Stop blocking me out. Stop trying to keep yourself a secret."

Right away, it became clear to Lucy that he understood. His head drooped as though he were guilty of something, and his eyes expressed that he knew exactly what she was talking about. He _had_ been hiding from her. He loved to hear about her past but refused to share anything from his. In their two months together, he hadn't mentioned anything about himself-well, anything that was true, at least.

"I'm sorry," Natsu whispered, voice hoarse. "It's hard for me."

"It's hard for me, too," Lucy shot back, "But I still do it. You have to trust me, Natsu."

"I do trust you! That's not the problem!"

"Then what is the problem?"

His heart nearly stopped in his chest. "It's just..." He took a deep breath. His eyes glared at the ground, unable to meet her gaze. "Some part of me is always scared that if I share these memories or feelings with people, they'll just...slip away. And I can't afford to forget them. They're too important. They're all I've got left. So, I just..." He shrugged, "Kept them to myself."

Lucy's eyes softened, her heart aching for the boy sitting before her. His face broke down into an expression of absolute sadness again, and she had to fight the urge to throw herself on top of him and hug him until he died. She hadn't known he was hiding things for this reason, she'd just thought he was being unnecessarily shy. She reached out, placing her hand on his knee. She didn't have any words to say.

Natsu continued on. "But you're my best friend, my only friend, really, and you should know. I should tell you." He let out a sigh; he sounded exhausted. "Just kills saying it. Sort of like its happening all over again."

Boy, could Lucy relate. Same reason she didn't want to open up to Juvia.

A silence fell over them; Lucy reached out and put her hand on Natsu's knee.

"My mom was my best friend," Lucy murmured, her voice quiet and week. Natsu gave her a questioning look, but she simply continued on with the story. "She was the best. We'd do everything together. We liked to go for walks in the forest together. She took care of me. My dad, well, he was totally in love with her. I loved her, too. Really, I did." Lucy's eyes began to get wet. "When she got sick, everything got bad. She couldn't get out of bed, and we always had a bunch of medical personnel and nurses at our estate. It was weird. She couldn't take me for walks in the forest anymore. She stopped eating. She got really pale, and her voice got really quiet when she spoke. She got thin, started losing her hair. She slept a lot. I stayed by her bed every day, reading to her and trying to cheer her up. She never got better."

Natsu was still frowning, still not understanding.

"I watched her die," Lucy whispered, voice choking off as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I was there. She held my hand when she left." There was a pause. "I saw the life leave her eyes, Natsu."

He began to understand, now. The importance of what she'd been saying dawned on him.

"My dad got really depressed after she died, took a lot more business trips, got really invested in work." Lucy sucked in a shaky breath. "One time, he told me that I looked just like her and that it was hard seeing me. He said the sight of me broke his heart. Sometimes, when he looked at me, I could see him start to cry." She blinked, tucking a blonde strand behind her ear. "Can't really blame him for not wanting to see me, for ditching me all the time. He lost the love of his life, you know?"

Lucy sniffed, wiping tears from her cheeks before continuing. "I started cutting after she died. I had no one, anymore. Mom was gone, dad was gone, and I sure as hell didn't have anyone else to talk to. Every inch of the estate reminded me of her, and that just made the pain worse. The only way I knew how to cope with it, the only way that took the edge off..." Lucy's words stumbled to an end, and her eyes turned down towards her destroyed skin. "My dad started blaming me for her death. It didn't make sense, but I didn't question it. His heart was broken. He was just as alone as I was. We both had ways of dealing with it. He took it out on me. I took it out on myself. That's it."

Natsu watched the blonde girl carefully, memorizing the way she looked when she cried, memorizing the way she looked in this moment. Here she was, in her most fragile state, opening up to him completely, and he wanted to remember it forever. She'd been through awful things, things a girl like her should never have to experience. He wanted to make everything better for her. If he could go back in time and save her mother, he'd do it. Anything to make Lucy happy.

The pink haired boy reached out and grabbed Lucy's hand. She felt cold. He leaned down and kissed her fingers lightly. He didn't know why. Just to make her feel better. "Thank you for telling me," He whispered softly. "I'm sorry. About your mom, your dad...everything. You don't deserve that."

She gave him a sad smile, but said nothing. She had bags under her eyes, now, thick and black. Telling him about _this_ was fucking exhausting.

He ran his fingers over her scars, now understanding why they were there. She'd been through so much, and this was how she coped. That broke his heart. A beautiful girl like this resorting to destroying herself just to deal with pain. His chest hurt. The words he whispered slipped from under his tongue before he had the chance to silence them; he was repeating something he'd told her earlier, before they were whisked away to the office. "Don't you know how lucky you are?"

Pain hit Lucy right in the stomach. She'd just spilled her heart out and he was still criticizing her for her coping method? She yanked her arm away from him. "Lucky?" She spat. "You think I'm lucky? Did you not hear _anything_ I just told you?"

Natsu frowned, confused. "What? No, Luce, that's not what I meant-"

"How _dare_ you call me _lucky_! How dare you! Yeah, you're right, I'm so fucking lucky my mother died in my arms and my dad blamed me for it and couldn't look at me ever again. I'm so lucky he totally fucking backed out on me and left me alone since I was fourteen fucking years old. How dare you, Natsu?"

Natsu expression was dark, now. "Luce..."

Lucy burst into tears, looking at the boy with confusion. "If you think I'm lucky..." She trailed off, words being choked out by hurt sobs.

When he spoke, his voice was so low and dark that Lucy immediately listened up. The expression on his face was so much worse than his usual sad one-now, he was the epitome of tortuous, horrendous pain that it shocked her. If pain were darkness, Natsu was a black hole.

"You _are_ lucky, Lucy," Natsu muttered, voice rocky. "I know you've been through hell and back. I heard your story. You don't deserve that kind of pain, you just don't. No one does. What happened to you was awful. But you _are_ lucky. You are so lucky, you have no idea. You're alive. You have the opportunity to live and remember your mother and continue on, and all you do is destroy yourself. You're beautiful, you know that? You're beautiful and you're so lucky to be alive and I don't think you should waste your life hating yourself and fucking yourself up. You deserve better than that, too."

Lucy watched him, shocked. Almost afraid, she whispered, "Natsu...what happened to you?"

He knew she wasn't just asking about why he suddenly looked so goddamn terrible. She was asking about his past, asking about what haunted himself so badly that he could turn into this sort of monster.

So, he told her.

"There was a fire," He mumbled, getting straight to the point. He wasn't about to mess around with details-he was in a hurry to stop thinking about this certain incident. "Bad one. Killed everyone. Mom, dad, big brother, my friend, Lisanna. She was over, hanging out with me. It was my fault. I started the fire in the fireplace, didn't do it right. It spread so fast." He choked on his words, almost like he was choking on smoke. The memories hurt his entire body. "I tried to save them, I couldn't find my parents-my brother, I never saw him again and I-" Natsu's words cut off abruptly as the memories hit him in the gut like a bullet. "Lisanna, I saw the flames eat her up, I heard her screaming, she begged for help, but I-I couldn't grab her and everything was so dark and I couldn't breathe, and-"

He was crying, now. Hard. Harder than Lucy had ever thought possible. His body was shaking violently.

"I couldn't save them," He hissed, voice cold. "I heard them screaming and I could smell them melting and I couldn't save them." Silence filled the room as Natsu gasped for air, the memories of that night preventing his lungs from working properly. "I blacked out, trying to find my brother. Woke up six weeks later. The smoke had fucked up my lungs and I'd hit my head pretty hard went I passed out, and the hospital had put my into a coma after some firefighter found me." Natsu sniffed, tears streaming down his face; he ducked his head and the tears dripped to the ground. "I missed the funeral. I never got to say goodbye."

Lucy's heart was wrenched into a knot. She understood, now. He didn't want her to cut because he believed her to be lucky. This boy had lost everyone he'd ever loved, and it broke his heart to see someone alive and well _choose_ to hurt themselves. She understood. "Natsu..." Lucy whispered, voice little and weak.

Natsu's body toppled over, exhausted and hurt and broken; Lucy fell forwards, capturing him in her arms. He buried himself in her, hugging her body close to his; he broke down, sobbing into her neck, tears absolutely soaking her top. She held him, softly rubbing his back, whispering to him that everything was alright, that she was hear and that everything was gonna be okay.

It took him a long while for his crying to lower down from being hysterical. Once it did, he whispered, "Please, don't leave me. I can't lose you. You're the only person I've got."

So, that was why he didn't tell anyone why he was here. That's why he never told her anything about himself. He was a sad, broken boy who was afraid to get close to people. After losing literally everyone, how could she blame him? Of course he would be afraid to get close to people.

Lucy nodded, hugging the boy close. "I'll never leave you, Natsu. Never."

His hands clung to her shirt. "Promise me you won't get hurt, okay? Don't hurt yourself. Need you safe. Please." He choked out the words.

He was afraid to get close to people. And once he did get close to people, he was terribly afraid that they would get hurt and die. Understandable, considering what he'd been through.

"I promise, Natsu," Lucy whispered. "I promise, I won't get hurt. I'll always be here."

Natsu nodded against her shoulder, still refusing to let go of the girl.

She had a certain warmth to her, an odd quality that just eased Natsu and made him feel like everything _was_ going to be okay. He hugged her closer. She kept him safe and steady.

They stayed like that, holding each other steady and keeping each other safe for a long time.


	10. Chapter 10

"I always wanted a tattoo."

Natsu's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "Really?"

Lucy leaned back, resting her head on the tree behind her. A warm gust of wind whistled by gently, and she tucked a wild blonde strand behind her ear. "Yeah."

The facility had opted to give their group an activity, and Juvia had decided the kids would benefit from a hike; they'd been bussed to some national park with a beautiful forest that morning, where they'd began the walk. They were walking up the side of a tree filled mountain; by night, they would reach a river-side campsite.

The sun was just setting now, and the group had taken a half-hour break; Lucy had to pee and was afraid to go alone, so Natsu had joined her. He'd stood behind a tree, facing the opposite way while she'd relieved herself. Then, they'd opted to head back towards where the group was. Everyone was still resting, so Lucy went and sat near a tree. The spot overlooked the valley below, and the golden glow from the sunset lit the sky on fire in a blaze of orange and pink; the winding river was visible far down below, twisting down from the top of the mountain. Birds chirped and whistled nearby.

"What kind of tattoo?"

Lucy shrugged, the sound of nature easing her mind. She couldn't help but smile. "Not sure. Something pretty." She turned to look at Natsu. In the glow of the sunset, his hair was a dusty rose. Her smile grew. "Pick for me."

He flashed her a devilish smile. "How about a dragon—and fire, _lots_ of fire, and—"

" _Pretty_ , Natsu."

He pouted. "Dragons are pretty."

Lucy shook her head. "Name one dragon in the history of anything related to dragons that was pretty."

Natsu feigned anger. "Haven't you seen _Shrek_? I'll have you know that Dragon from _Shrek_ was beautiful in her own way." He paused, giving Lucy a sneer. "Asshole."

The blonde giggled. "Okay, fine. They're pretty. You're right, you win."

Natsu pumped his fist. "Knew it."

"I still don't want a dragon tattooed on my body forever. More ideas, let's go."

"Uh—cats?"

Lucy narrowed her eyes. "You calling me an old cat lady?"

Natsu shrugged. "I could see it." Lucy smacked him a second later, making him retract his statement. " _Ow_ —okay, dog, then? Jeez, you're hard to please."

Lucy hissed through her teeth, "No animals, jackass."

Natsu grinned brightly. "How about me?"

"You?" She stammered out.

"Yeah. My face. Get it tattooed on you."

"And where the hell do you expect me to _get_ you tattooed on my body?"

Natsu pondered that question for a moment, tapping his chin as his dark eyes slowly flickered over her entire body. Lucy almost smacked him for checking her out, but he spoke before she had the chance. "Right here."

Lucy frowned, glancing down to where his hands floated over her body. His big, clumsy fingers were directly over her breasts, as if he were cupping them; he had a big, goofy grin on his face. There was a split second when they made eye contact, Natsu looking absolutely pleased and Lucy's expression turning into absolute fury.

 _Smack._ "Pervert!" She screeched.

Within seconds, Lucy was stomping her way back to the group, Natsu in tow. He rubbed the side of his head, grimacing.

"You didn't have to do _that_ ," He muttered, grumpy.

Lucy grinned back at him. "Don't be a perv, then."

"Alright then, where do _you_ want your tattoo to be?" He questioned, trying to divert her back to a safer—less abusive—topic.

Lucy looked down at her body, thinking; she glanced at her arms. Her expression crumbled into a frown. Seconds later, she murmured, "Maybe I can't get one."

"Why not?"

Lucy flashed him her forearms. "Too bumpy. I don't know if they can do that. Even if they can, it wouldn't look good."

Natsu's eyes flickered, morphing into a softer gaze. "Is there anywhere where there isn't..." He trailed off, meeting her eyes. He didn't finish his sentence; he didn't want to offend her.

Lucy bit her lip, letting out a heavy breath. "No. Nowhere."

That seemed to impact the boy; for a moment, he stared at the ground, hands balled up into fists. After a while, he turned his eyes out to the valley below, to the sunset sky. When he looked back at Lucy, his eyes were soft, warm. Without saying a word, Natsu simply reached out and held her hand, twisting his fingers so the two were intertwined.

He seemed to be holding her hand a lot, lately. Lucy didn't really mind. She was pretty sure her heart was pounding so hard that he could hear.

They walked back to the group, where Juvia was trying to convince Mira to eat some of her granola bar. The whole group was urging her, saying she needed the energy for the walk and that it was necessary; she eventually gave in and took a bite. Everyone cheered; Mira looked like she was about to cry.

Lucy watched Natsu the rest of the way up the mountain. They talked the entire time—mostly about movies; Lucy had lots of films lined up for Natsu to watch, since he hadn't seen _any_ of her favorites—and the hours passed quickly. Once it got dark—it was pitch black out; everyone kept close and had to turn on flashlights to even see where they were going—they walked closer together, afraid that one of them might get too distant.

Everyone in the group had picked up on their oddly close dynamic. They had a connection, a strange bond, and it was evident that they cared about one another; Lucy had caught Mira and Erza whispering about whether they were dating or not. She tried to ignore them, but the thought plagued her.

Were they? Not literally, but really, weren't they practically? They spent as much time together as possible; she was absolutely addicted to his presence, and he appeared to feel the same way. They cared about each other, took care of each other, and supported each other.

 _No, no_ , Lucy reminded herself. _We're friends. That's what friends do._

Except that he'd held her close when she'd been crying and she'd held him when he was upset, and he held her hands nearly every day for whatever reason and her heart went nuts whenever she thought about him too much. She didn't even _want_ to think about how he'd plagued her dreams lately. Was it bad that she was sort of in love with his voice?

 _Just friends my ass!_

"Okay, everyone!" Juvia's voice broke through the chatter of the teens. "We're approaching the campsite. We've got five tents—one of those are for me. How are we gonna split up sleeping arrangements?"

Lucy ran her eyes over the group. There were several pairs she could tell were already decided as sleeping partners: Mira and Erza, Gray and Gajeel, Laxus and Loke—a boy who'd arrived after Lucy. He was a returner; he'd been at the facility to help him cope with his sex addiction, but lost track and was sent back by his family. That left...

"Wanna be my sleeping buddy?" Natsu asked, bright and cheerful. Sometimes, he reminded Lucy of a young child.

Lucy's heart stopped. "Natsu—you know, we, uh—can't."

He stuck his bottom lip out. "And why not?"

"Because, you idiot!" Lucy snapped. "You're a boy and I'm a girl, and..."

He shrugged. "There's an uneven number, I'm sure Juvia will understand. _Besides_ , you're the only one I wanna sleep beside!" His voice was loud enough that everyone in the group could hear them.

Lucy gawked; she could hear Erza and Mira snickering behind them. Gray called out from the back of the group, yelling something about how they should 'just bang already'. Lucy's face flooded red, and she walked with her head down the rest of the way. Natsu didn't seem bothered.

The group eventually got to the campsite, and each pair started setting up their tents; everyone appeared to do it with ease, except for Lucy and Natsu. Natsu kept messing it up and Lucy kept giving him bad directions. After a while, Gajeel did it for them, saying he was sick of hearing Natsu _attempt_ at flirting.

" _Attempt?_ " Natsu cried. "I'm the best goddamn flirter this place has ever seen!"

Gajeel, still setting up the tent, cocked an eyebrow. "Really? So far you've only been hitting blondie with pretty mediocre stuff."

"I've hit her with good stuff!" Natsu turned to Lucy, begging for assistance. "Tell him, Luce! Tell him how good of a flirt I am."

Now, Mira and Erza were practically dying; even Laxus was snickering along with the shenanigans.

"You don't flirt! We don't flirt!" Lucy cried.

Natsu ignored her completely, turning back to Gajeel. "I knock her off her feet. That's how good of a flirt I am."

Gajeel smirked. "Prove it."

Natsu spun back to Lucy. "Luce!" His eyes were big; his lips spread into that typical Natsu smile: wide and mischievous. "Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?"

Her cheeks burnt. Everyone grinned.

"Terrible," Gajeel murmured. "That's just complimenting her, idiot. You have to flirt."

"What's the difference?"

Mira shook her head. "Natsu, complimenting someone is nice, but it's not flirting." She sighed. "Flirting is...that banter you and Lucy always have going, that's flirting."

"Oh," Natsu said, straightening up. "So I _am_ good at flirting."

"We don't flirt!" Lucy snapped.

Juvia clapped her hands, interrupting yet again. Clearly, she'd heard what the teens had been arguing about; she simply smirked at them. "Have we figured out sleeping arrangements yet?"

"Erza and I will go together!" Mira waved her hand.

"Me and Gajeel," Gray called.

"I'll go with Loke," Laxus responded.

"Great," Juvia nodded, turning to Lucy and Natsu. She frowned for a second. "Are you two comfortable being in the same tent? Lucy, you could always join me in my tent if that would suit you better."

Lucy stood there, frozen in her place. She glanced at Juvia. How awkward would that be, having to share a tent with her counsellor? Yuck. "Um, I'm comfortable with Natsu, if that's alright."

"Perfectly fine. Natsu, is this okay with you?"

Natsu beamed. "Oh yeah."

Juvia gave him a concerned look. "No funny business, you two."

"See?" Natsu demanded, turning to look at Gajeel. "Even Juvia knows we flirt!"

Lucy smacked her forehead, choosing to ignore the boy this time around. She pulled her backpack off and tugged the sleeping back and blankets tightly backed within it; she set them up in the tent after Gajeel completed putting it together.

While Lucy set up her things, another body crawled in the tent; she heard the door zip closed. She turned, surprised to see Natsu sprawled out on the floor of the tent, no blankets or sleeping bag.

"Get your stuff out, Natsu—campfire is in ten minutes."

"Ugh," He groaned, sighing. He snatched her pillow and laid on it. "Can't we just stay in here? It'll be more fun."

"You don't like campfires?"

"No, I do. I just like you more."

Lucy turned back to her bed, tidying up the blankets. She hoped he hadn't seen her blush.

After a couple long moments, his innocent voice broke into the tent again.

"We flirt, don't we?"

Lucy slammed her eyes shut. Had he really just asked her that? In person? Alone? This had to be a nightmare. Only things this personal and awkward happened in nightmares. "Uh..."

Natsu's voice was quiet, like he was upset. "I thought we did."

Lucy turned to him, a little confused. "Natsu..."

"Flirting means we're friends, right?" He said, blinking at her.

Of course he'd think that. Of course. Why hadn't she thought that sooner? Natsu, the boy who was an absolute goof and didn't know any better. He thought friends flirted. He thought that's what friends did. This whole time, outside, he'd been arguing with the boys that they were friends, not anything more...

Lucy choked back her disappointment. "Of course," She said, flashing him a hurt smile. "We're friends."

His expression brightened. "Good."

Lucy sighed; her stomach dropped, as though it weighed 100 pounds. She tried not to be hurt by his words—after all, he hadn't said anything mean. So, he wanted to be her friend. Could she _really_ be mad about that?

Of course not. But it was disappointing.

"Let's go. I can hear them try and start the fire."

Natsu nodded, face growing solemn. "Can we only stay a little while?"

Lucy frowned. "Yeah. Is everything okay?"

The boy shrugged. "It's fine. Just reminds me of—" He cut off, cringing. "I won't stay long."

Lucy's brown eyes softened, and she looked at him a little differently. He was just a breakable little boy who tried so hard to put on a show that he was tough as nails. She pushed her disappointment to the back of her mind, ignoring it. Right now, Natsu needed her to be his friend. "I'll come with you, whenever you need to go. If you don't want to go at all, we can stay."

Natsu smiled softly; clearly, that meant a lot. "We can go. I know you want to."

She did. Lucy loved campfire. "I don't mind."

He grabbed her hand, tugging her out the tent door. "Come on, weirdo."

The whole group sat around a fire, once they finally got it roaring. Natsu and Lucy took the seats furthest away from the flames, the most pushed back. Everyone chatted for a while, gossiping and telling horror stories. Juvia broke out the marshmallows, and everyone had smores; Natsu asked Lucy to make him one, and she browned it to perfection. She could only giggle when she looked at him and saw marshmallow smeared across his lips and cheeks.

The pair didn't stay long by the fire. Natsu was itching to leave, uneasy by the flames that brought back too many memories; Lucy didn't mind—the walk up the mountain had left them exhausted. They excused themselves, saying they were heading to bed, which caused Gray and Gajeel to shout jokes about them heading off to have sex. Juvia ignored them, choosing not to berate or chastise, not wanting to ruin the fun.

Lucy had to make Natsu's bed on his side of the tent, since he was too lazy.

"Can't I just sleep in yours?" He asked as he lounged on her bedding. "It's comfy."

"Not a chance!" She cried, laughing. She rolled his sleeping bag out and laid a soft comforter over top. She delicately placed the pillow where his head would rest. "Here you go, lazy bum."

Lucy went to her bag and grabbed her pyjamas. She peered down at the boy with the pink hair, who had his face half stuffed in her pillow; he watched her with one eye. "Don't look, okay? I'm getting changed."

He smirked. "Okay."

"Close your eyes, idiot!"

Grumbling, Natsu stuffed his face in the pillow. Lucy changed as quickly as possible, too scared to hesitate and look at Natsu. If she wasted even a single second, he might look back, thinking she was finished.

"Okay, done—get in your own bed."

Natsu had a strange grin on his face; his cheeks were a little pink. He stood, looking Lucy directly in the eyes. "I gotta change."

"Oh!" Lucy mumbled, attempting to shield her eyes. "Okay, I'll—"

Natsu snorted, tugging his shirt off. "You can look, weirdo."

She almost wished she hadn't. His body was tight and toned, the tan splashed across his arms travelling all the way down across his stomach. His stomach was so magnificent Lucy could've cried; a beautiful six pack, straight out of her dreams. His arms were toned bulges of muscle. The urge to lick them was strong.

The more she looked, the more she realized the light dusting of markings that spread from his left hip and up: old, faded markings of a once horrific burn. She could imagine what it once looked like, bulging and pink and ugly—but now, it had faded to a tone just slightly lighter than the rest of his flesh; it was flat now, on an equal pane with the rest of his beautiful body. It flickered up his side, looking like a flame itself.

Faded so much that it was nearly impossible to see, but a terrible reminder of what he'd been through.

He seemed self conscious. His dark eyes watched her for a reaction.

Lucy met his gaze, cheeks red. "Natsu?"

His voice was careful. "Yes?"

Her throat was tight. "You're really hot."

Seconds passed. Silence. And then, he burst into laughter. He keeled over, holding his stomach; as he did so, his arms flexed. Lucy felt faint.

"Get into bed, perv," Natsu muttered, still grinning as he shook his head. He flickered off the lamp that had been lighting the tent.

Lucy crawled into bed, heart still pounding, mind still replaying the image of him tugging off his shirt over his head. God, why did she have to see that? That did _not_ make anything easier. She had a feeling she wasn't going to sleep at all tonight. Not with _him_ over _there_ being all shirtless and all. Why was it so hot in there? Why was she sweating? Why was his tummy so nice? Why did she suddenly want to nibble on his six pack?

She stuffed her face into her pillow and tried not to scream.

After a few seconds in the darkness, Lucy heard a sliding sound. Within another quick moment, Natsu's voice was directly beside her, whispering to her.

"Gotta be closer to you. Don't like being far away."

She smiled, turning so she was facing him. "Okay," She whispered back. "I don't mind." No, she definitely didn't mind. Definitely.

Another moment of silence before he spoke up again. "You cold?"

"Freezing, actually." The sleeping bag and comforter did little to warm up her toes.

Lucy felt a tug on her blanket and heard lots of zipping. He'd unzipped his sleeping bag, as well as hers, and connected the two; he laid the blankets over top both of them. She felt his big hand snake around her waist, pulling their two bodies together.

"Um, N-Natsu!" Lucy whispered, shocked.

His voice was deep, tired and rough. "Shhh," He murmured. "Don't freak out."

He snuggled in closer to her. His fingers had pushed up her tank top to her midriff, so the tips of his fingers were touching her bare skin; where he touched her, her nerves went into a wild frenzy. Natsu's body was close to hers; she could feel his stomach occasionally make contact with hers when they breathed in sync. His feet tangled up with her smaller ones. Lucy's hands fell to his bare chest, having nowhere else to go.

"I'm not freaking ou—"

Natsu chuckled, clearly amused. "Cool it, weirdo."

Lucy narrowed her eyes. "What's so funny?"

"I make you nervous," He responded, as though it were obvious. He pressed a hand to her chest. "I can feel your heartbeat."

"Y-You do not," Lucy hissed back. "I'm just...mad."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" She growled.

He brought his face in close; his breath was hot. His body was hot. In fact, just about everything about Natsu right now, in Lucy's opinion, was hot. His lips nearly touched hers; she nearly melted on the spot. "You're cute when you're mad, you know that?"

Thank god the lights were off, or else Natsu would've seen Lucy turn purple. She squirmed in place, a little too excited by his lips close to hers, whispering things like _that_ to her, his semi-naked body up against her scantily clad one.

Lucy fought all of her raging hormones and whispered shakily, "Go to bed, loser."

He leaned back, grinning, fairly satisfied with how much he'd bothered her. "Fine, but I'm not rolling away. Gotta keep my girl warm."

Lucy froze. Did he just say what she thought he said?

Natsu let out a sigh. "Night, buddy."

And yet again, disappointment flooded her. Disappointment and confusion. What the hell was going on? What kind of mixed signal was he trying to give her? Gets her all hot and bothered, calls her 'his girl', and then calls her his buddy?

Lucy sighed, closing her eyes. Natsu was an idiot.

"Night, Natsu."


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: hope everyone likes this chapter! Thanks for everyone who reviewed and let me know the chapter cut off. My computer is being repaired so ive been writing on my phone, and it glitches out constantly. Hopefully it works this time! Thanks and please review**_!

Lucy awoke to the sound of snickering. She was dazed, woken far too early for her liking; she felt like she was sleeping on a cloud, like she'd just had the most comfortable sleep of her life. She closed her eyes, desperately trying to ignore whoever had stirred her from her sleep. Lucy hugged her pillow closer.

The voices continued to interrupt her sleep.

"Bet you a week's worth of kitchen duty that they fucked."

Another voice responded, now. "You think Natsu could manage that? Not likely. You're on."

Lucy growled, unsure if she was dreaming or not. She hugged her pillow closer against her chest.

"Mmfph." A voice squeaked against her.

Lucy's eyes snapped open, glancing down at the head of pink hair nuzzling into her breasts. "Natsu!" Lucy cried, flinging the boy off of her. "What the hell are you doing?"

Natsu peered up at her, clearly half asleep and extremely confused. "Wha?"

Lucy looked towards the entrance of the tent, where Gray and Gajeel stood, observing the pair. The two boys were snickering.

"Sorry to interrupt your love fest," Gray sputtered out between laughs. He looked at Gajeel. "I think I won the bet. They definitely fucked."

Lucy's cheeks were blood red. "We did not!"

"Then why isn't Natsu wearing pants, Blondie?" Gajeel pressed, smirking.

Lucy's eyes snapped back to the boy, laying on the cold floor of the tent. He was shirtless, only wearing a pair of boxers with cartoon dragons on them.

Why wasn't Natsu wearing pants? Why had Lucy been cuddling up to him when she woke up? Why had his face been in her boobs?

She was so embarrassed she could've died. Except now, she was looking at Natsu's tummy again, and she lost her train of thought.

"Jesus, Lucy, quit checking the kid out." Gray and Gajeel were laughing again, Keeling over and holding their sides.

Gajeel turned to Gray, shaking his head. "Guess I owe you a week's wroth of kitchen duty." The boys turned, making their way back to the campfire, where everyone was eating breakfast. Gajeel called out, loud enough for Lucy to hear, "Hey, everyone! Lucy and Natsu slept together."

Lucy went pale; she heard everyone else gasp and question the boys. Quickly, before anyone else could harass her, she zipped up the tent and turned back to the sleeping boy beside her.

"Natsu! Wake up, you idiot!" She smacked him, stirring him from his slumber.

He growled, grumpy and tired. "Shut up, Luce."

She smacked him again. "Where the hell are your pants?"

The boy sighed and sat up. He shrugged. "I dunno. Over there."

"Why!?"

"Got too hot last night. You wouldn't let go of me and we were all sweaty-"

"Do _not_ say we were sweaty together," Lucy hissed.

"Well, we were, and you kept snuggling up to me, so I took my pants off."

Lucy's voice was furious. "Pervert!"

Natsu made a face. "You didn't seem to mind last night. " He paused, looking at the blonde with concern. "Why's your face all red?"

"B-because!" She snapped in response. "Everyone thinks we slept together, and-"

"Well, didn't we?"

"Not like that, you idiot!" It felt like her cheeks were on fire.

The boy seemed genuinely confused. His eyebrows tugged down as he tried to make sense of what was going on. "I thought we did."

Lucy's brown eyes washed over his face, picking up on how abruptly disappointed he was; her heart sank a little, melting into a tint puddle at the bottom of her stomach. He'd wanted to sleep with her, and was upset they hadnt. That was sort of...well, sweet.

His dsrk eyes flickered up to hers. "'Cuz we're friends, right? Friends sleep together. "

And yet again, lucy's heart dropped in disappointment. He thought sleeping together meant they were friends. She flashed him a scowl, annoyed by his endearing friendship. "Get your pants on, Natsu." Lucy turned towards the door, prepared to unzip it and leave.

Natsu's big hand caught her wrist, carefully not to grab her too roughly. "Luce," He said, voice husky as his expression fell serious. "What's wrong?"

It took all of her willpower to stop herself from telling him, from telling him that he was confusing her and gave her mixed signals. She wanted to scream at him about how he was so cute sometimes but also so hot but like a broken little puppy dog all at the same time. She wanted to tell him about how he made her want to strangle him but kinda sorta kiss him, too.

But she didn't. Even if she had, he would've thought she was just his pal, joking around. Because that's what friends did.

"Nothing, Natsu."

"Liar," He grumbled, annoyed she wasn't being honest. "You suck at lying."

Could he really not understand why she was grumpy? Only an idiot wouldn't be able to see her giant stupid affection for the guy.

Not that she liked him or anything. It was just...friendly affection.

Natsu squeezed her arm again, appearing to be genuinely concerned for the girl. "Did I do something wrong?"

Lucy huffed out a sigh. Of course he hadn't done anything wrong. He was just being himself, being innocent little Natsu. How could she be mad st him for that? It wasn't his fsult he was so oblivious. Her brown eyes flickered over his deeply concerned expression; she felt her heart melt. "No, silly. I'm just tired. Bad sleep."

Natsu nodded, believing her wholeheartedly.

Lucy poked between his eyebrows, trying to straighten out the concerned wrinkle he had acquired. "Quit frowning, Natsu." She giggled at his worried expression.

His big hand csme up and grabbed hers, holding it tightly and pulling it away from his face. His skin was hot on hers. "Sorry. Just had to make sure my girl was okay."

Lucy froze, heart missing a few beats. "Y-your...girl?"

The pink haired boy nodded. "Yeah."

Lucy was red now, from forehead to toes. "Want to elaborate on that a little bit?"

The boy made a face. "You're my girl, I'm your guy. What's so hard to understand about that, Luce?" He grinned, and it was so bright and happy and perfect Lucy could've melted on the spot. Natsu stood, unzipping the tent door. "I'll head out there, make you some breakfast, okay?"

Lucy sat frozen to the floor of the tent. Her eyes followed him out; the second he stepped out the door someone screamed out that he actually wasn't wearing pants and that now the group could confirm that he had slept with Lucy. She cringed, trying to block out their words.

His girl. That's what he'd said. Three times now, in fact. That meant something, didn't it? She wasn't just crazy, right? Lucy attempted to calm herself, desperate to not be slammed with disappointment again. It was Natsu. He was an idiot. They were just friends, and she knew it. He'd made that very clear several times by highlighting their friendship.

But, then again, wasn't it a bit more than friendship to call someone 'your girl'? Wasn't that pushing it a bit? And the fact that they'd slept in the same tent and snuggled all night. And that he hadn't been wearing pants. And he'd practically suffocated between her breasts. Were friends supposed to do that? No. Of course not.

Did Natsu know that?

No. Of course not.

God, he was hard to read. Was it bad Lucy was still blushing? Was it bad that she was sorta kinda half-psyched that he hadn't been wearing pants? Was it bad that she was still imagining his drool-worthy stomach?

"God!" Lucy snapped, hitting herself. "Snap out of it, Luce, get a hold of yourself..." She ignored her own internal commentary on Natsu's oddly attractive physique and tried to focus on the matter at hand-breakfast, then the trek back to the facility.

Lucy unzipped the tent and headed towards the fire. Before she had the chance to greet anybody or question anyone's rather suggestive stares, Natsu blurted out at her.

"C'mere, Luce! I made you breakfast!" He seemed overjoyed that she'd graced him with her presence, which only made her heart melt more.

She took a seat beside him, ignoring the whispers from the rest of the group. She peered down at what he held: a completely charred burger. Even the bun was singed. "Oh," she whispered, blinking at the destroyed piece of food.

His eyes were bright, sparkling. "Made it just for you."

Lucy nearly slapped it out of his hands and scolded him for his terrible cooking skills, until she realized that he'd cooked something for her, over open flames. Natsu. The boy afraid of fire.

Erza, who was sat on the other side of Lucy, piped up. "You don't have to eat that crap, Luce. I'll make you a good one."

Lucy noticed Natsu flinch; his hands were trembling. "No," the blonde said, shaking her head. "This is exactly how I like it." She gave Natsu a warm smile.

Erza shrugged, mumbling something about how gross that was, and headed off towards the food table.

Natsu's eyes flashed up to hers. He was shaking terribly still. "Really?" His voice was low, broken.

Lucy gave him a soft grin. She reached out and grabbed the food from his hands. "Yes."

Natsu nodded, smiling, but it quickly faded away. After a few seconds, he leaned in close to Lucy and whispered in her ear, "could you cook me some food after?" He paused, gulping for air as if it were difficult to breathe. "I can't. The...the fire scares me."

Her heart fluttered, and she desperately wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight. He'd tried to make her food, and it had scared him so badly he couldn't cook his own food. But he'd tried. For Lucy.

"Of course," Lucy whispered back.

And so she did. She ate her charred burger, not even caring about the horrific taste, because it was special. She cooked Natsu a burger afterwards to his liking; he was grateful. Afterwards, they packed up their tent, and the group began their hike back to the facility.

Everyone kept whispering about Lucy and Natsu, about how he hadn't been wearing pants and she'd cooked him breakfast ever so lovingly, but the duo didn't really care. They walked st their own pace, behind the pack, oblivious to their gossip. Lucy pointed out every bird she saw; Natsu dove into a pile of thorns, ignoring Lucy's shouts of concern, to pick a wild rose. He gave it to Lucy, and she tucked it behind her ear.

He'd said she looked pretty like that. She blushed.

That night, once they got back to the facility, the pair met up on the roof, as they did every night.

When it got late and they both got sleepy, Natsu walked Lucy to her room, like usual.

This time, when they said goodnight, he kissed her cheek.


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N;** **Thanks for everyone who notified me that the last chapter was cut off! Sorry about that. My computer was broken and I was writing on my phone, and it didn't save and I hadn't realized that before posting. This chapter took me so long to write and it's so short and I'm so sorry about that! School has been crazy lately and I promise I will write more often and I will write more than one lame chapter every month. This chapter is short, but don't worry, next chapter will be up soon! Please review!**_

"You're dating, right?" Mira's eyes were big, sparkling at the two. "You and Natsu." She was smiling so wide it looked her entire face was made of teeth. Mira loved gossip.

Lucy was eating breakfast, preparing for the day ahead of her; apparently, Juvia had a special assignment for her today. "No, Mira."

Mira flopped down in the seat beside her, frowning. "You're not?"

Lucy took a bite of her toast. "Not dating."

"Don't mess with me, Lucy. I know things. I have a special sense about this sort of stuff."

"Oh, yeah? What are your spidey-senses picking up today?"

Mira made a face. "Your sarcasm is unnecessary." She sucked in a heavy breath, then continued. "I know facts, actually. No magical powers necessary."

"Let's hear 'em."

Mira's fingers shot up as she counted her facts off. "I know for a fact you're out with him every single night. I mean, that one's not really a fact. I know you leave the room every night, and I know Natsu ditches his room every night. I'm assuming you are together. Number two, I know for a fact that you slept in a tent together. I also know for a fact that you went to the tent fully clothed, and when you were awoken by the boys, Natsu was not wearing pants. I also believed Gray mentioned that Natsu's face was nestled between your boobs. So, there's that."

Mira gave Lucy a glance, checking to see if she was still paying attention. Cheeks a little red, Lucy nodded her on, allowing her to continue.

"I know that he cooked you breakfast the next morning, and then you made him some food. I also know that on the way home, you two were way behind the group. When you left, everything was fine, but when you caught back up, you had a pretty flower tucked into your hair and your face was all red. Again, another assumption of mine, but I figured he gave it to you. It's still in your room, actually. Even though it's all nasty and wilted and smells a little gross."

Lucy was very red, now. How had Mira noticed all of these little things?

"I also know he kissed you on the cheek that night, when he walked you to your room."

"How could you _possibly_ know that one?" Lucy snapped, embarrassed. Her cheeks were practically on fire. "How?"

Mirajane shrugged. "I had Erza do some spying for me. She stayed awake, waiting. She was peeking through the crack in the door."

Lucy glared at the floor. "Damn it."

"So, it's true then?"

Without warning, another body plopped down on the other side of Lucy; heat radiated off of the body. Lucy tensed immediately, almost afraid to look. Still, she peered up, flinching once she realized who was beside her.

Natsu had a steaming plate overloaded with eggs, toast, bacon and sausages; his hair was spiky and bright, as per usual, with his scarf tied around his forehead. He had a grin plastered onto his goofy face, and was looking at Lucy with anticipation. "What's true?" He asked innocently.

Mira replied calmly. "That you and Lucy are dating."

Lucy cringed, face getting more red by the second.

Natsu snorted, stuffing some food in his mouth. "Why's everyone asking me that all of a sudden?" He turned, eyebrows pulling down over his dark eyes. "Luce, are we dating?"

Lucy choked on her toast; she sputtered on it for a moment, coughing and hacking until Natsu smacked her back, sending the toast flying out of her mouth and onto her plate.

He made a face as Lucy desperately tried to catch her breath. "Yeesh. It was just a question."

Mira's eyes narrowed and her lips dipped into a coy smile. "Well, Natsu, _are_ you dating?"

Lucy continued to cough, unable to interrupt the ongoing conversation as well as she would have liked.

Natsu stuffed more food into his rather large mouth. "Well, I dunno. What's _dating_ mean?"

Mira smiled evilly. "Dating is when someone is very special to you, and you like them the most, and you treat them differently than everyone else."

"Oh," Natsu nodded, tone extremely casual, as if this were a regular, everyday conversation. "Then, yeah, I guess so."

Mira leaned forwards. "And you want to kiss them, and stuff." Lucy tried to speak up, to intervene, but that only worsened the irritation in her throat and sent her on a coughing rampage. Mira ignored her, only focusing on Natsu. "Is that you and Lucy?"

Cheeks full as if he were a chipmunk, Natsu looked at Mira, who was expectantly awaiting an answer. His eyes were big, round and innocent.

Lucy was coughing so hard she could puke. But despite this coughing, she still waited for him to respond, hoping he would speak loud enough for her to hear over the hacking.

"'Course," He muttered.

Mira stood up very suddenly, and without warning, muttered, "Gotta tell Erza" and left.

Natsu scooped up more food. "She's weird." He turned to Lucy. "You've got weird friends, Lu-" He cut off the second he realized Lucy was still coughing horrendously. "Jesus, Luce!" He patted her back gently, sliding his water over to her. "Drink. C'mon."

Lucy chugged some water, which instantly soothed her throat; gasping she looked back at the pink haired boy beside her, who seemed rather worried.

"You okay?" He asked.

Of course she was okay. She'd nearly choked to death. And also found out that her sort-of best friend wanted to kiss her. Aaaand, now she was thinking about kissing him. For real, this time. No cheek kisses. Real kisses. Face kisses. How warm would his lips be? The rest of him was always warm. Bet that would feel good. Deep kisses would be good, too. His hands tangled in her hair, her hands on his chest, sliding toward his cute little belly...

Lucy cleared her throat, blushing. "I'm okay."

"You sure you're not dead?"

"No. But I'm okay."

Why couldn't she stop staring at his lips? Jesus, Lucy.

"So, big day today, huh?" Natsu said, turning back to his food. "Glad you could help me."

Lucy frowned. "What?"

"The special assignment," He said, cocking his head to the side. "Juvia never told you?"

"Not yet. She said I would understand when I saw my schedule for the day."

"Oh!" He grinned. "Well, you're in luck. I got you out of kitchen duty."

Still red-faced, Lucy gave him a questioning look. "What are we doing?"

"I have to set up the activity for our group tonight. It's movie night. Juvia wanted it to be special. Playing her favorite movie, and she wants the library to be as much like a real theatre as possible. Not sure why. Something about how some of us have been in here for a year or two, haven't seen a movie in theatre in forever. She wants it to be legit." He stuffed another bite of toast and sausage in his mouth. "So, we're setting the library up. She's got tons of decorations and shit she wants us to hang up. I asked her if I could have a helper, said I wanted you. She said it was okay."

"Movie night?" Lucy asked. "We're setting up? Who else?"

"Just us two."

Great. All day. Just the two of them. Alone. In a smoking hot library, setting things up. How the hell was she supposed to think of anything else but Natsu and kissing if she was stuck in a room with him all day?

"Great," Lucy responded.

Her heart was pounding.


	13. Chapter 13

So, they were setting up the library for movie night. There were tons of props and decorations that Juvia had ordered them to hang and spread around the space, hoping to give the area an old Hollywood glam sort of feel. Of course, it never would really achieve that goal—it was still a dingy old library—but it was nice that Juvia wanted this to feel like a sort of vacation for the kids.

Natsu was setting up chairs, sorting them out into equal rows and columns, spacing them so everyone could see the screen where the movie would be played. Lucy had taken on the task of hanging these thick, old velvet curtains Juvia had supplied them with. They were to be hung to cover every inch of the walls, to truly disguise the library as an old theatre. It was a tough job; the curtains were heavy and didn't hang very easily—Lucy had to nail them up to the wall.

Probably didn't help that she was extremely distracted.

Natsu had grabbed an old jukebox from the supply closet and put on some old 80's rock and roll CD's, and then proceeded to pull the heavy chairs off of their stacks and set them up. And okay, maybe it was a little corny and typical for the teenage blonde girl to be quivering at the knees at the sight of this young stud flexing to some pretty sappy music, but still. She couldn't really help it.

It was like slow motion. He'd pick up the chair, biceps flexing, that silly little frown wrapping up his features as if something truly concerned him. His dark eyes looked over the chairs; he'd count the rows, decide where to place the next one. His scarf was wrapped around his forehead, making him look absolutely adorable; little beads of sweat were building up on his brow, on his arms due to the exertion of lifting the old, heavy chairs. The music in the background, sappy and romantic with a couple long guitar solos. Jesus.

Lucy snapped herself out of the daze she was in, turning her eyes back to the velvet curtains she had to hang. She wiped her chin—was she just drooling? Holy shit. Get it together, girl.

Still. He'd just told Mira at breakfast that in his terms, they were dating. I mean, clearly, they weren't. Not yet. At least, Lucy didn't think so. He'd better ask first, if he really wanted it. But, was that really what he wanted? Lucy was fully aware that half the time Natsu said something, he had no idea what it meant. Then again, Mira had been very clear...

He thought she was important, and special, and that he treated her different from everyone else. And when Mira clarified that _dating_ meant wanting to _kiss_ , he'd wholeheartedly agreed.

So...he wanted to kiss her. Lucy had to admit, she was sort of pleased. Mostly because she'd thought about his lips every second thought since he'd kissed her cheek. The fact that he'd kissed her cheek still made her heart burst. So dreamy. But she had been afraid he'd meant it in a friendly way, sort of an intimate _thanks_ for her making him food and sort of taking care of him that day.

Is that what he'd meant by kissing her? Friendship? After the shit he'd done to her that he believed was _friendly_ —sleeping half naked, nuzzling his face in her boobs, etc, etc—she really couldn't say for sure.

She didn't want to admit it, but deep down, she hoped it wasn't just friendship for him. She wanted a little more. Or a lot more. Maybe.

She went back to staring at him; her mind went off on a tangent, and she began to imagine him in the rain, like in sappy old movies. Natsu, all wet. Perfect.

"Luce, is this okay?"

Lucy's face snapped up, her eyes locked on Natsu. Her heart skipped a beat; her cheeks instantly beat red. How embarrassing was that? "Huh?" She muttered, shaking herself out of her fantasies. This time, it had been a fantasy about Natsu coming to her house in the rain, throwing rocks at her window.

Pathetic.

Natsu snorted. "You alright?"

Lucy slumped against the wall. "Yeah," She responded, "Just a little...distracted."

"Ah. How're the chairs?"

Lucy glanced at the seating arrangements, barely interested. It was hard with cute, sweaty Natsu right there. "Um, looks good. Great job."

Natsu beamed, proud of himself. "You need help with the curtains?"

Lucy cringed, almost afraid of him being in close proximity to her. Hell, he was across the room right now and she'd been fantasizing—what would happen if he were right beside her? She didn't want to risk it. " _No, no_ ," She snapped, shaking her hands. "No. I'm, uh, good."

Natsu made a face, but kept insisting. "It's not a big deal, Luce. You're behind schedule."

He was right. She should've been done already. But _really_ , she couldn't be beside him.

"I'm fine, Natsu. Go do something else."

He pouted. "I wanna help."

"No."

He stepped forwards, reaching out and grabbing the curtain she was currently holding. His arms flexed, tanned and a little sweaty; Lucy grimaced, trying to suffocate the attraction bubbling to the surface.

His eyes were bright; his brows were tugged down slightly as he frowned at her. "C'mon, Luce," He murmured, voice husky, "You need help."

Lucy's veins buzzed; she could feel the heat rolling off of his body, slamming into her skin. The dewy drops of sweat on his skin made her heart leap. She could smell his musk—not that she was smelling him, or anything. She wasn't at _that_ point of creepiness, was she?

 _Sniff_. Yup. She was creepy. And he smelled like the forest and campfire smoke and peaches. Interesting.

When she spoke, her voice was a squeak. "Ok."

Natsu grabbed the curtains, giving her a bright grin, and hopping on the stool she'd been using. He lifted the fabric to the top of the wall and nailed it in with ease, whereas Lucy would've struggled with it. So his help was useful, at least. Distracting and terribly annoying, but useful.

Was it really so bad that she was imagining them in movies? Was it bad that she was pretending she was the waitress in a cute little coffee shop in a rainy little town, and that he was a stranger who walked in and gave her a dazzling smile, and the rest was history? Maybe. Maybe it was sort of bad. Or really bad. She really was pathetic. She never used to be like this—this girly stuff, this cutesy stuff, it hadn't ever been her thing. She'd never _had_ a _thing_.

Well, untrue. Her thing had been cutting herself.

That sentence made her pause in her tracks; a frown clouded up her expression. She replayed the words she'd just thought to herself over and over again, looking for what seemed odd.

 _Had._

Had?

Was that not her _thing_ anymore? She supposed it had been a while since she'd done it properly—she simply didn't have the time alone nor her preferred tools to do so. She'd attempted a few times since being at the mental hospital—just scratching herself on her bed frame or on whatever somewhat sharp object she encountered, but only when things got really bad.

But really, lately, things hadn't been bad. She'd been distracted quite completely. In fact, in the past few weeks, the urge to slice open her body hadn't really crossed her mind.

This single thought seemed to twist and shake everything, warping her entire reality. _The thought hadn't crossed her mind._ The one thing she'd been truly addicted to, truly commanded by hadn't crossed her mind in a while. It was refreshing, sort of. It also made her sort of sad. If she wasn't cutting herself, who even was she?

That alone was enough to make her want to go and cut her wrists, the fact that she was losing her old self and she was terrified about it. But she couldn't. Firstly, because it was absolutely silly to be afraid of losing yourself—well, sort of; she was just trying to quiet her fears about it, despite it being extremely prevalent in her thoughts—and secondly because this boy was right here, smiling at her with _that_ smile.

So she stuffed the thought in the back of her mind, ignoring her urges and the absolutely choking fear that she didn't know who the hell she was anymore.

Natsu frowned, dazzling smile fading as concern washed over his face. "You okay, Luce?" He'd picked up on the sudden change in her demeanor. Maybe he saw the fear in her eyes.

Lucy blinked, trying to hide the entire crisis she'd just fallen into. "Yeah. I'm good."

He didn't believe her; he hopped off of the stool, letting the curtains drop to the floor. Natsu's voice was low, gruff. "Tell me the truth."

Lucy just sucked in a breath, feeling as if she were almost suffocating. "I just need you to distract me right now, okay?" Her voice was desperate.

He understood. He was the master of that, the master of needing a distraction to get by. So he didn't question it, and he just did what he thought would help.

Within a single moment, he swooped down and wrapped his arms around her little body. He had to slouch to hug her like this, had to lean over her almost completely; he was wrapped around her protectively, like a human shield. He squeezed her softly, just as a reminder that he was there for her, whatever she needed.

He was warm around her. He held her gently, and she cradled into him, hiding in his warmth; his embrace chased away her nightmares, the bad thoughts that haunted her. Not permanently, but enough to clear her mind and make her feel safe.

They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other.

After a couple minutes, they parted; Lucy thanked Natsu, saying she felt better now. Natsu could tell that wasn't completely true, and attempted to make things better for her.

He stuck his hand out; Lucy stared at it.

"I don't get it," She mumbled, giving Natsu a wary glance.

Natsu rolled his eyes. "Can I have this dance?"

"Oh," Lucy whispered, surprised. She tuned into the music playing into the room, suddenly aware of its presence again. Another cheesy 80's rock song. Was it even possible to dance to this stuff? Still, her heart was sort of having its own kind of spasm about the situation, so she placed her hand lightly in his. "Sure."

Natsu tugged her close, setting her hand on his shoulder while his own arm snaked around her waist. His lips split into that absolutely beaming grin, and for a second, Lucy couldn't understand how anyone so absolutely, brilliantly _bright_ could end up in a place like Tranquil Pines.

"This is my favorite song," Natsu said, laughing as they began to twirl along, totally offbeat. " _Keep On Loving You_ by REO Speedwagon. Such a classic."

Lucy didn't really care about the song. She just kept spinning, eyes on the grinning boy before her, happier than she ever remembered being before.

They danced for a couple songs like that; Natsu went into detail about each and every song, talking about the band singing it and how it was so perfect in every aspect. He confessed to Lucy that he loved sappy 80's rock ballads, that they were his only vice. Lucy agreed.

After a while, the two got back to work setting up the library. They worked quickly, helping each other out. Once they finished with the directions, they set up the projector and the screen the movie would play on; they put a movie in, intending to test the projector and waste time until the movie night officially began and everyone would arrive.

They sat in the front row, right in the middle, and watched _The Little Mermaid_. Since Natsu had confessed his love of 80's music, Lucy made her own confession: she loved Disney movies and knew every line to every single Disney princess movie. In fact, _The Little Mermaid_ was her favorite of all.

"Good," Natsu had replied, and then put his arm around her shoulder. He kept it there for the entirety of the movie, much to Lucy's joy.

As the end of the movie neared, people began to arrive: Gajeel and Laxus arrived first—both booed at _The Little Mermaid_ —followed by Gray, who called Natsu and Lucy 'lovebirds', which made Lucy go red.

Everyone else arrived within a short time; everyone milled around, waiting for Juvia to arrive to start the evening.

After about an hour without an arrival, Lucy began to question things. She looked around and realized that Erza and Mira hadn't arrived either. She supposed they could just be asking Juvia a question or something, and let it slip her mind.

Everyone started to chat and put another movie on as they waited. Another hour passed, and Juvia, Mira and Erza still hadn't arrived. Lucy began to worry; she asked everyone if they'd seen her two friends. No one had seen them since breakfast.

Lucy told Natsu she was worried; he offered to take her to Juvia's office, to see if everything was alright. Lucy said they'd hold off for ten more minutes, that maybe they would arrive. After ten minutes without a single glimpse of them, Natsu took Lucy's hand and off they went.

Walking through the halls, Lucy's worry only grew. Once they reached Juvia's office, the sense of dread sitting dead in Lucy's chest expanded, flooding through her veins. Natsu knocked on the door and it swung open, revealing the horrific scene inside.

The white-haired girl pale, lifeless on the ground. The redhead standing back, eyes wide, filled with terror; the older blue-haired woman holding Erza up, trying to contain her own fear. The paramedics on the floor beside the girl, one thumping on her chest, occasionally breathing into her mouth.

Everything went blurry. Lucy couldn't tell if time were moving by quickly or slowly. She crumbled forwards, her ability to stand stolen from her the instant she saw the limp body on the ground. Natsu's arms wrapped around her, holding her up, staying strong when she couldn't. Lucy turned to look at him; his eyes were wide with shock, fear clear in his dark eyes.

The paramedic kept pushing on Mira's chest, breathing into her mouth. The other paramedic grabbed a stretcher; they put her on it. They said words, spoke to Juvia. Lucy couldn't hear. Everything was fuzzy, broken. They took her away, hurrying off.

Erza was sobbing, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes looked shattered.

Lucy stumbled towards the two women, Natsu by her side. Everyone was afraid.

She didn't know what had happened. She didn't know why Mira wasn't up, at the movie night, watching with everyone else. She didn't know what was wrong.

All she knew was that something was wrong. And the urge to destroy herself was only growing stronger and stronger with every second that flickered by.


	14. Chapter 14

The doctors had been in contact with Juvia as soon as Mira's limp body made it to the nearest hospital. They relayed information as quickly as possible, trying hard to communicate the severity of the situation back to the facility.

Mira was alive, but incredibly ill.

It was anemia and arrhythmia, the doctors had said. Because of her severe anorexia and bulimic tendencies. She was severely malnourished, resulting in an extreme lack of iron in her blood. This condition, coupled with the fact that her body simply didn't have the strength or nutrients to work properly anymore, had resulted in the arrhythmia, which are basically abnormal heart beats. These incorrect heartbeats, which could range from a light flutter to a straight up lack of a heartbeat for several seconds (which had been the case with Mira) could cause severe damage to several organs within the body. It had forced Mira's body into a coma. It was too soon to tell what else was damaged. The doctors were afraid her kidneys were failing, as well as her left aorta. According to the doctor, Mira was lucky to be alive. Most people don't make it this far as weak as she was.

That night had flickered by in a blur. Once everyone had found out and been informed of what was going on, it became an all-out mess; the group was full of tears, full of anger. Erza was completely destroyed—she'd been the one to find Mira's limp, cold body. The boys tried to take care of her, but she was beyond repair. Juvia put everyone to bed early.

Lucy and Natsu didn't meet up that night. Both were individually far too distraught, both for very different reasons.

For Lucy, everything was beginning to crash in her mind. She'd been starting to feel okay lately—happy now that she'd found a friend in Natsu, happy that she'd nearly forgotten about her troubling addiction—but that feeling had absolutely evaporated as the drama played out. She felt rocky, like she was on the side of a mountain and about to slip off.

It was a terrifying thing, seeing someone truly succumb to their mental illness. She'd never really experienced that before. _Sure_ , she'd cut herself open more than she'd like to admit and _yes_ , she'd seen the blood and the gore that came along with it. But she'd never see someone truly, absolutely _lose_ to their demons. The severity of the situation was truly haunting her.

People _could_ lose the fight against themselves. Mira hadn't—not yet—but she was close. The closest Lucy had ever seen.

The idea terrified her. But then, why was the urge to split open the already destroyed skin on her wrist so tempting? Why had the image of it surged back into her brain? Why did that attract her?

She knew why. It wasn't a hard question to answer.

Because deep down, despite all the progress she'd made in the past couple months at the facility, Lucy still wanted to destroy herself. She hadn't faced any of her foes, only ignored them. Fact was, Lucy still hated herself and hated what she'd become after her mother died and hated what her father believed she was to the point where the thought of taking a knife and slitting her throat still seemed reasonable.

She still hated herself, and she wanted to take the pain out. The pain she'd simply hidden and ignored this entire time.

Lucy was beginning to think that she should stop fighting it, just let her instincts take over, get it out of the way. Let it happen. She deserved it, after all. Her mother was dead and her father had deserted her and now she was here, watching other people mangle themselves to the point where they had to be in a hospital, having a machine filter their blood for them.

Laying in bed, in the middle of the night, Lucy broke down. Every bit of progress she'd made crumbled into dust. It was then that she truly lost herself.

She pushed off of her bed, mind swirling with hatred and sorrow, and left the dorm room behind. She went to the main desk, asked for the keys to the kitchen so she could fetch a glass of milk; the secretary was willing enough, knowing what the kid had been through that day.

Lucy made her way to the kitchen, stumbled to the far end where the knives were, grabbed one, and pressed it against her wrist.

The metal was cool against her skin, and her mind went blank. The rush—that same old, familiar gush of adrenaline in her body—flooded through her, and a broken smile crept onto her lips.

She jolted her arm forwards, splitting the skin. Pain, stinging, then nothing. Blank. Emptiness. The very thing she was after.

Lucy was like an empty vessel. Nothing left. Empty. She'd truly lost herself, the girl her mother had known.

* * *

The situation with Mira had been particularly hard on Natsu. Not that they were particularly close—they got along fine, and spent a fair bit of time together since both being in the same group at the facility—but just it brought back the nightmares.

He couldn't stand it when people broke themselves. It tore him apart. Like someone was reaching directly into his chest, ripping his heart out. To watch a girl _choose_ not to eat, to watch her decide to starve her own body, to see her put herself into this situation willingly, well, that just beat Natsu up inside.

He'd watched everyone he loved die. He'd heard their screams. He'd smelled the awful stench of their skin burning up. He'd been haunted by it ever since. There wasn't a single night that went by where Natsu had a sound sleep. Every single night, he relived that fire. He saw his childhood friend get eaten up by flames. He heard his brother screaming. He choked on the smoke.

Every night. Every night at the facility. Even the night when they went on that hike, and he was in Lucy's tent. He couldn't escape the horror even if he wanted to—and he wanted to. More than anything.

Everyone he loved died that night. They were gone. Eaten up by the flames. The pain that echoed inside of him tore him apart, day and night, nonstop. How could anyone in their right mind actively _choose_ to destroy themselves? How could anyone stop themselves from eating, make themselves throw up anything they kept down, just for something as silly as body image? Sure, he knew it wasn't Mira's fault that this illness had impacted her, but it still shattered him every time.

How could someone so willingly give up the only thing that truly mattered to him?

Life? Their body? Their soul?

He couldn't sleep that night. Not because of the nightmares that usually woke him up, but just because his mind was racing. His heart hurt and he wanted to leave, to run away because it was like all the pain from the fire was enveloping him all at once, taunting him.

He didn't like being here. He didn't like seeing people give up on themselves. He didn't like seeing people try to kill or destroy the one thing that he wished he could've given his family. Life. A body. Souls.

He threw himself out of his bed, tugging on a sweatshirt and some pants. He tossed the dorm room door open, anger and sadness bubbling up inside his throat, threatening to choke him. He couldn't breathe. Everything was wrong.

He knew where he needed to go. To the one person that could calm him down. To Lucy.

He padded down the hallway at a gentle pace at first, quickening only when he realized how strong the urge to see her was. She could quench these terrible feelings, the pain and the fear suffocating him. He needed her.

Natsu had begun to rely on her. He'd never thought that would ever happen again. He didn't think he would let himself. See, he had this odd fear that anyone he got close to— _truly close to_ —would die, just the same as everyone he'd ever loved previously.

If it had been his choice, he wouldn't have let Lucy in. But she sort of just did it, without asking. She was just _there_ , willing to help and listen and be with him, even when things got rough. She made things better, always.

He was running down the hallway, now.

Once he got to her room, he didn't bother to knock; he knew Erza was elsewhere, taken out of the dorm room by Juvia earlier that evening. He swung the door open, but was surprised to find the room empty.

Lucy wasn't there.

He spun on his heel, making his way towards the stairs. Roof, maybe? Maybe she was waiting for him up there, unable to sleep, much like himself. He took his time, trying to be quiet as he made his way through the halls.

He passed the closed doors of the facility, only thinking about Lucy and how her smile would instantly evaporate all of his fears.

To his right, he heard a clang; it was coming from the kitchen. The door was open a crack, and the light poured out of it into the hallway. Natsu paused, listening in. Deep breathing, as if someone were heaving and struggling to find a breath.

Worried, he pushed open the door.

And then, everything fell apart.

There was blood everywhere. Pools of it, down by her feet. And her, there, in the centre of it all. Butcher's knife in her shaky hand. Skin a weird grey tone. Sweat on her brow. Brown eyes flashing up to him, filled with an odd mix of sadness and worry and embarrassment and hollowness.

It was like someone had taken a blade and slashed him through the gut, through the heart, through his very core. The girl— _that_ girl, _his_ girl—cutting herself open, on her forearms, her thighs, her stomach, everywhere. His vision blurred, tears welling up too fast in his eyes.

How could someone so beautiful want to destroy themselves?

He was at her side in an instant, arms wrapping around her, hands instantly staining with blood. She was weak, and she sort of fell into his embrace. He eased her onto the ground, taking the butcher's knife from her hands.

He tugged off his sweater, using the knife to cut the fabric into strips. He wrapped them around every cut he could, trying to cut off the excess blood flow. Tight ribbons of fabric laced her wrists, her calves, her thighs, her stomach, anywhere he could see the blood pooling.

He was hyperventilating, shaking, but he carried on. Swearing under his breath, he tried his best to cover her up, to stop the bleeding. She was crying now, and he wiped the tears away from under her eyes. He was so mad—more mad than he'd ever been, just because he couldn't stand the idea of someone so ridiculously _perfect_ wanting to wreck and destroy themselves. Tears fell down her cheeks, and he wiped them off, grumbling under his breath.

"Baby, Baby—Luce, _fuck_ , Luce."

He must've been swearing at her. He wasn't even aware of it, but he must have been. He was furious, terrifyingly horrified that his girl would destroy her body like this. She deserved better. She deserved to live and live without pain. Especially self-inflicted pain.

It took a while for Natsu to register the words spilling from the girl's mouth.

"I'm sorry, Natsu, I'm sorry—I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I'm here," her words were fast, shaky, "I just—I blanked out, I don't know, I'm so sorry. Thank you for coming. Thank you."

The terror in his gut didn't fade. Natsu pulled back, standing back, staring down at the bloody girl at his feet. When he spoke, his words were broken and rocky. "You promised," He mumbled. "You promised you wouldn't hurt yourself."

Lucy was crying harder, now. "Natsu, please, I'm so sorry—I promise, it will never happen again, I don't know why I did it." She appeared to be telling the truth.

Natsu's grip tightened around the blade in his hands; he closed his eyes and his jaw locked. "Luce."

She was sobbing. "It was like I was a zombie, I didn't even realize it—I'm sorry, okay? Please, Natsu."

He chucked the knife in his hands towards the far wall. He threw it with such force that it penetrated the wall; the blade stuck there, stabbed into the drywall. Natsu took a few seconds, taking careful, angry breaths, before heading towards the door.

"Don't leave, please!" Lucy cried. "Natsu, please!"

He ignored her, but didn't leave; instead, he reached for the phone beside the door, dialling the number to get to the main desk.

His voice was dark. "I need medical assistance to the kitchen immediately. Notify Juvia." He hung up the phone, and then turned back to face the blonde girl.

Tears were streaming down her face, and she was absolutely covered in blood. She looked terrified. Natsu felt his heart ache, the pain beginning to be too much for him; the urge to run away, to leave the facility completely and hide in the woods was growing strong.

But he made his way over to the blonde girl, and sat down beside her. He grabbed her bloody hand, kissing it softly.

Lucy was dizzy. She hadn't lost _too_ much blood—the cuts hadn't been very deep—but she was exhausted and the slight blood loss probably wasn't helping much. Emotionally, everything was crystal clear: she absolutely regretted ever coming into the kitchen, ever grabbing that knife.

She'd never regretted cutting herself before, ever. Why now? Why this time?

Lucy looked over at the pink haired boy. His hands were red with her blood and he still had tears slipping down his cheeks as he kissed her hand.

 _That_ was why she regretted cutting herself. No, not because she had a crush on this major cute dude or whatever. Not even because they were so close.

No. She regretted it because she had never seen how much she could hurt a person by doing it. She'd never seen the hurt in someone's eyes when she slit her wrists. She'd never even known it would impact someone. But this time, here in the facility kitchen, she'd seen it. She'd seen Natsu's face when he saw the blood, and she'd seen the absolute look of destruction when he realized what was going on.

The whole time she'd been cutting herself because she wanted to destroy herself. But the fact of the matter was that despite how much Lucy wanted to take the pain out on herself, she never wanted to destroy anyone else.

But that's what this was. Destructive. Not just to her. And she hadn't realized it until this very moment, because the boy with the pink hair was crying over her.

Lucy promised herself that she would never cut again. Ever. Because she'd never intended to hurt anyone else, and all this destructive act did was exactly that: destroy.

* * *

The medics had come quickly, Juvia hot on their heels. Lucy had been taken to the nurse's office—Natsu right by her side—where she was given bandages and medication and a stern talking to by the nurse.

Juvia was clearly upset, but didn't get angry; she only promised that she and Lucy would be having a long chat tomorrow. It was too late—and Lucy was far too exhausted—for any conversation about the ordeal to occur that night, and Juvia was aware of that. She informed Lucy that she would have to stay the night in the medical ward so the nurses could keep an eye on her in case any complications arose.

Lucy asked if Natsu could stay with her. Juvia agreed, but only because she didn't think Natsu would obey her if she'd denied them permission anyways.

Lucy was tucked into her little medical cot, wearing her hospital gown and donning fresh, clean bandages all over her body. Natsu sat in a seat beside the bed; he was leaning over, pressing his forehead into Lucy's side.

It was late; the sun was beginning to rise in the windows. The two were exhausted and needed sleep soon. Within a couple minutes, they would both be out cold.

Natsu's voice was crackly, tired. "You scared me, Luce."

Lucy responded, voice little in comparison. "I know. I'm sorry. Believe me, I won't ever do that again. I promise."

Natsu shook his head, glancing up at her. "Don't promise me things, okay? Promise yourself things."

Lucy nodded. "I promise myself." She paused. "Thank you for not leaving me."

Natsu yawned. "I'd never leave you. Not when you're smiling, and not when you're crying."

Lucy reached out and grabbed his big hand. She squeezed it gently. "Thank you."

Natsu met her eyes; he gave her a tired smile. His voice was rocky. "You're welcome, honey."

They were asleep within five minutes. They didn't let go of each other's hands until they awoke.


	15. Chapter 15

Lucy glanced around the room, brown eyes raking over the rather glum look. The walls were a muted, depressed peachy color; around the baseboards and ceiling was a strip of this odd, puke-brown tone. The lights hanging from the ceiling were dim; one of them was about to go out and kept flickering, giving the room a creepy ambience.

The place was silent, despite all of the teenage bodies shoved into such a little space. The group—Lucy, Gajeel, Laxus, Erza, and several others—were sat in the tiny, uncomfortable waiting room chairs, awaiting any news from the lady at the front desk. She was supposed to notify them when they could go in and see Mira.

That was the group activity that week—visting Mira in the hospital. She was still in a coma, completely unable to communicate with anyone at all, but Juvia had felt it was necessary for the rest of the group to be able to see her. Everyone had been pretty down in the dumps lately, and Juvia thought this might help. Seeing the hospital, how dreary and hopeless everything seemed inside of the building, only seemed to make things worse—and they hadn't even seen Mira's condition yet.

It had been about a week since Lucy was freed from the medical centre within the facility. She'd been stuck in there a few days, getting her wounds sterilized, wrapped up and treated. She'd been exempt from all group therapy and activities for those days, as well. Juvia still came twice a day to talk to her—it wasn't exactly a therapy session; it was more like a genuine chat, just to see how she was doing in the infirmary. Natsu had come by every day, too—in fact, he rarely left. Juvia had given him a pass from all therapy and activities, too, seeing how distraught he was about Lucy. So, Lucy and Natsu passed the few days talking and playing some board games Natsu had found stashed in the infirmary supply closet.

Natsu hadn't quite been himself while Lucy was in the medical centre. Seeing her all bandaged up, hurt and damaged, seem to take a toll on his cheerful behaviour; he was quiet, more subdued than usual. This, of course, only made Lucy more upset with herself. Her entire lifetime, she'd been trying to deal with problems by taking it out on herself—now, she'd come to the realization that she'd only been making it worse for the people she cared about.

She'd broken Natsu's heart by hurting herself. She'd reminded him of everyone he'd ever loved and lost, and then showed him that she was willing to put all of that on the line. She was absolutely willing to tear herself apart, burn her own skin, destroy herself completely. And she'd demonstrated that to her best friend, the boy who lost everyone he loved. His family had burnt to a crisp _accidentally_. They'd been torn from Natsu _accidentally_. And she was willing to practically fucking kill herself _on purpose_?

Lucy had never been so fucking disgusted with herself. How ungrateful for life did she have to be? How could she hurt those closest to her and not feel ashamed? How could she have done this for so long and not realized she was even bothering someone else, not in the slightest?

Because she had hurt people. She was aware of it, now. Natsu. Erza. Mira. Dad.

Every time Lucy would see her father, back at home, she'd have fresh new scars, bold on her body. Bright and pink, ugly and lumpy. He'd see them. And then, he would be gone for a few weeks. Had to travel for business, that was all he'd say. Give her some money for groceries, tell the neighbors to check on her occasionally. That was the routine. Lucy couldn't blame him, though. He hated her. He hated everything that Lucy was. After all, once Lucy's mother died—the love of his life—he'd begun to blame his daughter for the loss. That was how he dealt with things. It was hard for him. But how hard would it be to come home and see your beautiful daughter, the one who looks identical to your beloved dead wife, with blood smeared across fresh scars? How hard would it be to see this girl, the last bit of your wife left in this world, cut herself up into pieces? How hard would it be to see this girl, a living ghost of your true love, hating everything, including herself? No, Lucy didn't blame her father for anything anymore. She'd spent all this time blaming _him_ , taking the pain out on herself. Now, it was time to be responsible. Lucy realized that part of this was all her fault. She'd just been so focused on herself that she'd never had the opportunity to realize her father was in pain, too.

Every single time Lucy came back to her dorm room and had fresh scratches on her arm, Erza saw. There was no way to deny that. Surely, Erza felt a slight guilt. New friend hates themselves, but Erza couldn't do anything to help it. One time, when Lucy came back from the roof, Erza was crying in her sleep again. She said Lucy's name. Lucy had ignored it. Now, that meant something. Erza was worried—she always had been. Lucy just hadn't been aware enough to care.

Every breakfast, when Lucy sat down at the table with Mira and Erza, Mira saw the scars. Old scars and new scars. It impacted her. How could it not? That girl hated the way her body looked so much that she deprived herself of food, nutrients and calories. She would see Lucy's fresh scratches every morning and shove her plate away. That was Mira's way of coping. When knowing Lucy was still attempting to cut herself became too much, Mira did just that. _Cope_. Lucy had always noticed that Mira never ate, but had never said anything. She was too focused on herself, too busy worrying about what was hurting _her_ or stressing _her_ out that she never even thought to worry about those around her.

Now _that_ was something that truly bothered Lucy. She'd sat down with Mira every morning and every dinner and watched her eat next to nothing. And still…she'd said nothing. She was fully aware that the problem Mira was dealing with was still ongoing, and yet, she hadn't told a soul. Why? Why didn't she say anything? If she had, maybe they wouldn't be here, maybe Mira would be back at the facility, fine and happy. No comas, no ugly hospital hallways. Just back to normal.

Lucy glanced around at the people near her, and sat up slightly. "How many times have you guys seen Mira eat a full meal?" She asked. The flickering light flashed onto people's faces.

Gajeel, who was on Lucy's right, grumbled out a response. "Never."

Lucy raised an eyebrow, turning to the boy on her left. "Laxus?"

He responded in a gruff tone. "Zero."

"Me too," Lucy replied, sitting back in her seat. She peered around the waiting room; the rest of the teenagers were either asleep in their chairs, or reading some magazines from the rack. Juvia had gone to the main hall to grab some snacks from the vending machines for the kids. Natsu hadn't come to the hospital; he was afraid of hospitals, ever since the fire where his family died and he ended up in the ICU. "How bad is that? We all knew about her problem. And we said nothing."

"What were we supposed to say, blondie?" Gajeel replied, voice gravelly. "Force food down her throat? Or tattle to Juvia, and have the facility workers shove food down Mira's throat?"

Lucy blinked. "I guess not."

Gajeel shook his head, the light flickering off of his piercings. "You can't force someone to get better, y'know. They have to want to get better."

Lucy's brown eyes stared at him, curious. "And how about you? Are you getting better?"

The black haired boy laughed, shaking his head; he looked down at his hands. The light that had been blinking died out, casting the boy in a shadow. It suited him. "In my situation, you don't get better, blondie."

Lucy frowned. "Why not?"

Gajeel gave her a slight grin. "You don't _get better_ when you're a junkie. You might get off the drug, yeah, you might stay off the drug and live a good life after that, but you don't get better." He leaned back in his chair, sucking in a deep breath. "No matter how long you're off it, you want it. You don't get better. You just get sober." By the end of his words, the grin that had been plastered onto his face had worn off into a look of melancholy.

That set Lucy back. Her eyes wide with surprise, she continued to stare at the boy, bewildered by such a meaningful response. She hadn't interacted with Gajeel much, but she'd figured there wasn't much to know—boy, was she ever wrong.

Typical Lucy, judging by appearances and failing to notice the small details. Once she'd seen his black hair, his piercings and found out he was a drug addict, she'd lost all interest in getting to know him. Only now, when she looked closely, did she notice the detailed, delicate tattoos placed on his sleeve; now, she noticed the sparkle in his eyes, one that seemed distinctly close to burning out. Suddenly, he was someone very interesting. Someone she could call a friend.

"And how about you, blondie? Are _you_ getting better?" Gajeel responded, the sparkle in his eyes flickering.

"Better?" Lucy murmured, dropping her head. "Define _better_."

Laxus spoke up now. It was weird hearing his voice, because he rarely spoke, even in group therapy. He said what he had to, when he had to, but otherwise stayed quiet. He avoided the group as much as possible, even opting to eat meals by himself. "We know about your incident," He said, voice tight and controlled, "You don't have to pretend like it didn't happen."

Lucy's cheeks beamed a deep red. Of course they knew—she'd been out of group activities for a week, they were bound to discover the truth—but it was still embarrassing that they were aware of it. She didn't really like having other people know she messed up, broke down, and sliced herself in a million different places. "Oh."

Laxus smirked. "You've got bandages all over. You think we didn't know?"

Lucy continued to stare at the floor, embarrassed.

Gajeel spoke; his voice was a bit softer than usual. "What happened?"

"I don't know," Lucy whispered back, voice suddenly shaky. "Just…finding out that Mira was in the hospital, and…just everything. Felt like everything had collapsed. I didn't even know what I was doing." Lucy shook her head, twiddling her thumbs nervously. "Natsu found me."

"'Course he did." Gajeel closed his eyes for a moment and leaned back in the tiny chair; after a few seconds, his eyes flickered open, and he looked at Lucy. "You didn't answer my question before. Are you better?"

Lucy pondered that for a moment. "In a few ways, yeah. Only recently." Lucy glanced at Laxus. "The…incident. It changed things."

"How so?" Gajeel questioned.

"It's funny, actually," Lucy began, "Because this whole time I thought _getting better_ would be stopping cutting, y'know? But ever since the incident that resulted in _this_ bloody mess, I think I've come to the conclusion that getting better means something else. It's not stopping cutting. It's _wanting_ to stop cutting. And I'm getting there, now. Because this whole time, I've been such a prick, just thinking about myself and how I'm dealing with too much shit and whatever. But coming to the facility, and meeting all of you, who have your own problems to deal with that may be way worse than mine, it's changed things. With Mira being in the hospital, things have changed. With meeting Natsu, getting to know him and everything that makes him who he is…everything is different."

Gajeel's mouth spread into a grin. A real, genuine grin. "I told ya, blondie, you can't force someone to get better. You have to want to get better."

"Do you want to get better?" Laxus asked, looking at Gajeel.

"Why do you think I came here?" Gajeel replied. "Things got to the point where my addiction was all I had. There was nothing left for me. No one left for me. I checked myself in to the facility. For me, if I hadn't wanted to get better, I'd be dead on the street." He paused, glancing back at Laxus. "Did you want to get better?"

Laxus peered at his hands, turning his face downward. "Yeah. Deep down…yeah."

"And have you?" Lucy questioned.

Laxus' voice was deep. "Haven't killed anyone in here, so I'd call that a win." He took a deep breath. "I've gotten better, at the facility. Therapy works well for my problem. It always had—I'd just never been fully immersed in it."

"What do you mean?"

He struggled with his words; he took a few long moments between each word. "I just…I have anger management problems. It was bad when I was younger, got worse once I got big enough to really deal out some damage. I've fucked people up. One guy…he's never going to be the same. Vegetable state. I've gone to therapy for…forever. It always helped, but it was never…. _constant_ enough. Here, it's constant. Every day. Sometimes twice a day. And it works. Better than ever. Juvia's given me really good tactics to calm down, keep my cool. It really helps."

"I'm really glad to hear that, Laxus," Lucy replied with a smile. It was nice to hear a success story every so often. "How long until you can leave?"

He shrugged. "I'm allowed out whenever I want. I've passed every test Juvia has given me. I just want to wait. Until I'm sure I won't hurt anyone."

Gajeel nodded. "See, blondie? Big guy is just backing me up. You've got to _want_ to get better."

Lucy felt light, like she could float away. Everything seemed to be coming together. It was all making sense now. She had to want to get better. And finally, for the first time since the first slice on her wrist, Lucy wanted to get better.

For Natsu. For Gajeel. For Laxus. For Erza. For Mira. For all of the friends she'd made at the facility. For her dad.

Most of all, for her own sake. Because she deserved a life where she treated herself with love and respect. Because she deserved a life where she didn't hurt anyone, including herself.

"One last question though, blondie."

"Sure, anything," Lucy responded. "Ask away, Gajeel."

He grinned with anticipation. "Do you _actually_ know what happened to Natsu? I mean, why he's at the facility? Rumor is you know, and he's never told _anyone_ and it's really starting to piss me off. So spill it."

Lucy snickered; Laxus chuckled along, too. "I do know," She replied with a smile, "But it's confidential. Sorry!"

"Damn!" Gajeel groaned, slapping his knee. "Thought you trusted me, blondie."

"I trust you, but I promised."

"Stupid," Gajeel muttered.

A woman walked into the waiting room with Juvia, interrupting the trio's cheerful moment. Instantly, the mood faded into one of sadness and despair.

"You can visit her, now. In groups of four at a time, please. And don't be too loud."

Lucy's heart stopped. For some reason, seeing Mira like this, comatose in a hospital bed….it scared her. It was terrifying seeing someone fall prey to their mind, to their hatred for themselves. It scared Lucy to see what could have been, had she not opened her eyes so recently.

 _It could have been her._

Lucy grouped up with Gajeel, Laxus and Erza. The four walked down the grim hallways, making their way to Mira's room. They stared at the door for a long moment. Erza took a deep breath, then pushed open the door.

The second they stepped through into the room, hopelessness enveloped them.


	16. Chapter 16

If Lucy thought the hospital hallway was ugly, Mira's room was grotesque.

The walls were a bleak grey; the shades on the windows were a dull brown. The lights were on, but they were dim; the entire room felt like it had a shadow cast on it. Outside, the streetlights flashed an ugly orange glow into the hospital room; through the slits of the blinds, Lucy could see that it was raining outside. Not heavily, but enough to make this depressing moment even worse than it initially appeared.

Mira was lying on the hospital bed, pale and thin. She was hooked up to a bunch of stuff—a tube in her mouth, to keep her breathing; tube through her skull, to keep the pressure in her brain constant. So many machines, so many mechanisms whirring and buzzing, beeping every four seconds. All those machines to keep one girl alive.

A little case lay on the bedside table, with the days of the week written across different organizational sections. Within each day lay tubes of things, pills and bottles. Medication. Lucy wasn't exactly sure how they fed medicine to a comatose girl—probably through a tube, or something—but the sight of so many pills send shivers up her spine.

Lucy watched Gajeel; his eyes flickered to the stacks of pills, the drugs in bottles. His hands scrunched up into fists, and he shook his head slightly. He turned his gaze back to the pale girl on the bed.

Erza began to cry almost immediately. Lucy didn't really blame her—after all, Erza and Mira had been extremely close. The best of friends the facility had ever seen, until Natsu and Lucy met. Erza's knees shook and she nearly fell forwards, her sobbing staying persistent; Laxus stuck an arm out and caught the girl. Gajeel grabbed a chair from the corner, and Laxus eased Erza down into it. She continued to cry, shoulders shake as she silenced her sobs.

Lucy looked at the girl on the bed. Pale as a ghost, her skin practically matched her hair, now. The whole scene before her was really bothersome. This wasn't right. This wasn't Mira. Staying so still, laying down so quietly…that wasn't Mira. More like Mira's ghost.

"She's so…." Gajeel trailed off, dark eyes running over Mira. "Skinny."

He was right. I mean, she'd always been skinny—too skinny, honestly—but even now it was clear that she'd become even smaller. Maybe it was because she hadn't been moving so her muscles were gone or maybe it was because the stress on her body was immense right now, but she was so thin she looked like she could break. Like Laxus could snap her in two. She was wearing a hospital gown, baggy and ugly, but it still clung to her bones. You could see her rib cage through the material.

It looked like she was dying.

All four teenagers were aware of that. How could they not be? The proof was right in front of them. She looked awful, like she weren't even alive right now. If those machines weren't constantly beeping out her heart rate, Lucy would assume Mira was dead.

A wave of sadness hit them all at exactly the same moment. Lucy met Gajeel's eyes, then Laxus', then Erza's. Together they stood there, in that meek little room, so completely aware that their friend lying in the bed wasn't looking so good. Erza put her head in her hands. Laxus patted her back gently—it was his own quiet way of saying he was there for her.

A wave of anger hit Lucy. How could this happen? How could she let this happen? It was her fault—she'd seen Mira skipping meals, eating a carrot or something for a meal, and she hadn't said anything. She hadn't even mentioned it. She hadn't really cared, even. Lucy had been so caught up in her own issues that she hadn't noticed Mira was fucking dying right in front of her.

The first day Lucy had come, she'd noticed Mira right away. Pretty. Oddly thin, but pretty. But comparing that first day to the last time Lucy had seen Mira awake, the girl had gone downhill fast. Only a couple of months, but Mira's body had completely disintegrated. Oddly skinny to…dead girl walking.

And this all happened because Mira didn't think she was beautiful enough or thin enough or perfect enough. Self-esteem problems were the root cause. How stupid.

It was stupid because honestly, Mira was the prettiest girl Lucy had ever seen. It was silly, but Lucy felt a pang of jealousy whenever Mira smiled, because she lit up the room with even the slightest grin. Mira radiated perfection; her voice was smooth and happy, her eyes sparkled when she laughed. Mira was absolute perfection.

And now she was here. Skin a flat grey color, hair limp and wispy. She was thin and brittle, breakable. She wasn't _Mira_ anymore. Just a skeleton on a hospital bed. No smiles. No laughs. No sparkle.

It had been explained to the whole group that the doctors didn't have much hope for Mira. Her body was struggling to keep up, getting worse every day. Even the machines keeping her alive at this point weren't doing enough. Things weren't looking so good, and all of the teenagers knew it. Seeing Mira like this only confirmed the doctor's diagnosis.

"Y'know, I read somewhere that people in coma's can here the outside world," Gajeel muttered, voice a little shaky. He was playing tough, but he was pretty messed up seeing this beautiful girl nearly dead in the hospital.

Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I've heard that, too," Laxus said. "Let's talk to her. Maybe it'll help." He glanced down at the redhead in the chair, and offered her a hand to stand up; she took it gratefully and shuffled over to Mira's bedside.

Erza took a deep breath, then spoke; her voice was ragged and broken. "Hey Mira," Erza mumbled. "I wish you'd wake up. Kitchen duty is really boring without you singing for three hours straight." She paused, sighing. "You look like a real mess. I know you're probably annoyed by the lack of showers you've taken. So….maybe this will wake you up: you look like shit, Mira. You need to wash your hair." Erza laughed slightly. "Maybe that'll wake you up in a little while. Anyways…miss you. Come back, please."

Erza stood, making her way back to her chair. "Gajeel, your turn."

Gajeel stumbled to Mira's bedside awkwardly. He propped himself on the very edge of the bed, careful not to touch the girl. He stammered out his first few words. "So….It's, um, it's me. Uh. Gajeel. You know. Tattoo guy. You called me that once." He took a deep breath, clearly uncomfortable talking to a girl in a coma. "So we weren't close at all. I mean, you know that. Still, I always liked you. You're funny. And you'd talk to me like we were the best of friends even though I had no idea who you were. The first day I was at the facility, you walked right up to me and were like, complaining about the lack of beauty items supplied to the inmates. I didn't know what to say. You were so mad, what was I supposed to say? So I just agreed." He began to fiddle with the sheet. "You talked about mascara for an hour and a half, and you sat with me at lunch that day. I've never felt included before. So, thank you."

He stood, rested his hand on Mira's shoulder for a quick second, and then ducked out of the way. "Laxus, your turn."

Laxus stepped forward, sitting where Gajeel had previously been. "Hey Mira," He muttered, voice deep. His cheeks were going red. "You still look good, even in here. And _no one_ looks pretty in a hospital. So that's saying something." He sighed. "Me and you have been at the facility around the same time. I think we came two days apart, or something. Me first, then you. And ever since you showed up, it's been a lot happier. Brighter. Without you, it's pretty glum." He frowned a little. "You better come back."

And that was it for Laxus. He wasn't much of a talker. Lucy was very proud that he even sat down and said anything at all.

"Lucy?" Erza asked after a few seconds of no movement. Laxus had moved from the bedside already, leaving it open for Lucy.

"Oh. Right," Lucy murmured, sitting on the bed. Her brown eyes looked over Mira several times, reading the blank expression, willing the white haired girl to open her eyes. No luck. Too bad. "Hi, Mira. It's sad without you at the facility." Lucy laughed to herself for a moment. "No one's harassing me about dating Natsu. I kinda miss it." Lucy let out a heavy sigh, leaning back and looking out the window as she spoke. It was raining harder now, and the drops made rather loud sounds as they hit the window. "I miss you. You just make everything better. You light everything up. Nothing's boring with you there."

Lucy hesitated for a second, then continued. "I think the world needs you, Mira. I need you, Erza needs you, Gajeel and Laxus…they need you, too. The universe needs you. Your light, it's gonna brighten up someone's world someday, and I don't think you're ready to go yet. So don't stop fighting. This is just a setback. You're tough. You can make it."

Lucy flattened the sheets, fixing the blankets laying over Mira's body. "You know, I came in here, thinking about how glum and dreary and sad this place is. I walked into your room and I felt horrible, like you were already dead and there was no point to anything anymore. But I was wrong. Because you're not even awake, you're not even talking or smiling, and I can still feel you. That means something, right? You're still here. And you're still fighting." Lucy smiled, shaking her head. "You're beautiful, Mira. So don't give up yet."

Lucy sat there for several moments, upset and angry and sad and on the verge of tears, because her friend was sick and struggling and having a hard time, and Lucy wished she could take all of the pain and let Mira go free and wake up. Lucy would take it all, if she could. She'd been selfish for so long—she was different, now. She cared about her friends. She cared about strangers. She cared about everyone.

Lucy turned, glancing back to the small group she'd come with; they were all looking at her, staring at her, giving her a funny look.

"What is it?" Lucy asked, suddenly very self-conscious.

Gajeel's lips spread into a little grin; the light from the streetlamp flashed off of his piercings. "You're right, you know," He mumbled. "We can't give up. She can't give up. You're right."

"I'm _right_?"

Erza gave Lucy a small grin, too. "I walked in here, already given up. We all had. But…you have faith. And hope." She tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. "We've got to be strong for Mira."

Lucy shrugged, laughing. "A wise man once said to me, 'You've got to _want_ to get better'. Well, Mira's a little out of it, so I figured we'll do it for her. I want her to get better. So, she will. I'm sure of it."

Gajeel snorted. "So, I'm wise, then?"

"I'd say so," Lucy retorted.

Laxus rolled his eyes. "You have _one_ good line and Lucy thinks you're a genius."

"I _am_ a genius."

"You're a doofus."

"I _think_ ," Gajeel said with a grin, "You're getting me mixed up with blondie's boyfriend."

"Hey! He's not my boyfriend!"

Laxus rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure, whatever you say."

"He's not!"

They went on like that for a while, until Juvia came in and escorted them out so the next group could visit Mira. They bickered and bantered, snickered and laughed for what seemed like forever. They sat out in the waiting room again, but this time, it didn't seem so dull; colors were brighter, lights weren't dim.

Maybe it was because they got along alright, now. Or maybe it was because they were just comfortable in the hospital.

But Lucy had this strong sense, this weird gut feeling, that everything was different and happier because they had chosen hope over despair. They'd decided to be optimistic, not look at the dark side of things.

They wanted to get better, not stay in the darkness. And so, the whole world was bright with possibilities.

The group went to the hospital cafeteria and grabbed some grub, chatting and joking along the whole time. After that, they wandered the hallways—staying relatively quiet, trying not to disturb anyone—until finally, after a while, they decided to go outside.

It was pouring rain, now. Heavy. The drops were falling fast enough that they almost hurt when they hit you. The second the group stepped outside, they were soaked.

They didn't care.

Lightning flashed around them, thunder boomed, the rain poured—they didn't care. They danced around, raced each other from place to place, laughing and singing in the rain. Gajeel sang some old jazzy type of song; Erza and Lucy danced along to it while Laxus just chuckled to himself. They stayed out there for a while, having fun.

The rain, which at first had seemed sort of depressing, wasn't anymore. It was happiness.

Lucy thought that was a lovely thought. Thinking rain, thunder storms, lightning—all things that had made her feel glum when they first walked into Mira's room—were now happy things. Lovely.

It was like Mira was right there, dancing and singing alongside them. It was like _this_ had been her plan the entire time. It was like _this_ was a gift from her.

They'd walked into her room, miserable and sad, and left feeling happy and full of hope and light. Which was exactly what happened whenever you talked to Mira—she'd cheer you up, turn your frown upside down. So, that's what Lucy assumed had happened. Mira had done this—made them happy, gave them hope, let the rain pour down on the,.

They wanted to get better.

Lucy wanted to get better.


	17. Chapter 17

"So how was it?"

Lucy peered up from her snow shovel, her breath huffing out of her in cloudy puffs. The temperature had dropped overnight, enough that snow had begun to sprinkle from the sky. At first, there hadn't been that much, but the snow had continued to trickle down little by little, until suddenly everything was white. The ground was completely blanketed, and the snow was beginning to build enough that the parking lot was getting too full. Juvia had sent out a team to shovel the place before parking became a hassle for the employees.

Juvia had picked Lucy, since she was the only teen in the group who hadn't been scheduled a physical activity for the day. Natsu had volunteered to help, giving up his free block to break his back shoveling with Lucy.

Lucy had urged him not to, saying that he should spend his free period doing something he wanted to do. Natsu told her she was an idiot, that this _was_ something he wanted to do. That shut her up fairly quickly.

Lucy let out a bit of a sigh, her heart dropping. She always got a little glum when she thought about her time spent at the hospital, despite it being rather cheerful at the end. "It was okay," She murmured, trying to be careful with her words. She knew the topic sort of bothered Natsu—he hadn't even gone to the hospital—but she wasn't exactly sure _what_ set him off. The hospital itself? The fact that his friend was hurt? She couldn't say for sure, so she kept things fairly plain. "I spent the whole time with Gajeel and Laxus."

The pink haired boy gave Lucy a strange look, one she didn't know the meaning of, and then ducked his head. He scooped snow up, tossing it off the parking lot. His face was snuggled deep into his scarf, his expression hidden by the fabric. When Lucy ducked her head to see his face, he bent in a way that his jacket hid him.

Lucy frowned. "Natsu, what's wrong?" She'd never seen that particular look on his face before. She wasn't really sure what it meant.

He shoveled another heavy load. Lucy was glad he'd came; the snow was thick and heavy, and she'd only scooped a shovelful and her back already hurt. He was quick and strong and had already completed a corner of the large parking lot.

His voice was muffled. "Nothin'."

Lucy's pale hand slipped out of the sleeve of her coat; she let out a little hiss as the cold air hit her skin. She grabbed his arm, and his head snapped up, his dark eyes on hers.

He was blushing.

Lucy almost laughed, so completely knocked off guard by his peculiar expression. Now he looked embarrassed, like he'd done something absolutely stupid. "Natsu, what's going on with you?"

His cheeks practically burst into flames; he cocked his head to the side, not making eye contact with her. "Nothing."

A sly smile crept onto Lucy's lips as she realized what the strange look in his eyes meant. "Are you…are you jealous?"

Natsu's eyes flashed wide; his cheeks burnt a deep red. "No!" He snapped, eyes flickering to the ground. There was a second of silence before he murmured, "…shut up."

"Aha! So you are jealous."

"I'm not _jealous_ ," Natsu grumbled, turning back to the pretty blonde. "I'm just _protective_."

"Of me?"

"Of course _of you_!" Natsu shook his head, swinging his shovel around so the bar rested over his shoulders. "You know how important you are to me."

"You know, I don't think you need to worry about Laxus and Gajeel, Natsu," Lucy laughed, shaking her head. "They're not gonna hurt me."

The snow began to fall harder; the flakes were fat.

Natsu's face was still a deep shade of pink. "I'm not worried about them _hurting_ you, idiot."

He wasn't? Then what the hell was he talking about? Why else would Natsu not want Lucy with Gajeel and Laxus?

 _Wait a minute_. Unless….he meant…they were a threat. Romantically?

No. Hold on. No. There was no way Lucy was getting her hopes up, not again. She'd gone through this process far too many times with Natsu—he'd say something, she'd think it was cute and lose her mind and think about kissing him, and then he'd let her down. Call her _pal_ or something. How many times had that happened, now? Too many. Lucy was sick of being disappointed.

So, she had to stay calm. Not jump to conclusions. Not assume things.

"Then what are you afraid of?" Lucy asked, not getting ahead of herself.

Natsu laid his head back, looking straight up into the sky. It was starting to get dark, now—winter had officially hit the facility, and it got dark early—and the only thing lighting up the sky were the falling snowflakes. "Geez, Luce," He muttered. "And I thought _I_ was the slow one."

Lucy made a face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Natsu looked back at her, that 100 watt grin lighting up his face. Who needed sunshine when Natsu was around? Suddenly, it felt like the sky wasn't even dark anymore. With that smile, winter was paradise. Lucy could be on a beach in Tahiti, for all she knew. As long as that smile was there.

Natsu's eyes turned to the parking lot. "We've got a lot of shovelling to do, Luce."

Lucy's heart dropped, knowing she wouldn't get the real answer from him—which was too bad, because now she was just going to obsess and overthink about what he'd meant. Did he not want her to be with Gajeel and Laxus because he didn't want her to get close with them? Did he not want her to fall in love with them? Did _he_ want _her_ to fall in love with _him_?

 _Jesus, Lucy, snap out of it!_

He probably just didn't want her getting super close with anyone else at the facility because he was afraid they would lose their special bond. After all, he'd only ever lost people he cared about. He was probably just worried about it now. Nothing to worry about. There was no need to overthink.

Or maybe, he didn't want Lucy to hang out with Laxus or Gajeel because he _didn't_ want her to fall in love with one of them. Probably because he knew them so well, he knew how gross they were—you know boys, after all—and he thought she deserved better. Because he was such a good friend. That's why he didn't want her to spend so much time with them.

He wasn't jealous, he was just protective. He'd said it himself. If he'd been jealous, _then_ she could've made the slight assumption that he liked her. But he'd clarified it himself. So, there. Shut up, Lucy. Stop overthinking, Lucy. You don't need to obsess about this, Lucy.

Lucy sighed. She probably wouldn't sleep tonight.

"Luce?" Natsu asked, voice bright and chipper. He was waving his hands in front of her eyes. "Luce!"

"Huh?" She murmured, stumbling out of her obsessive daze. "What?"

He laughed. "You tired?"

"Uhh…"

He pulled the shovel off of his shoulders. "Just go sit down—I'll have this done in a sec."

"Natsu, that's not fair, this was my assignment and—"

He laughed, and she swore it was the sound of bells chiming. The sound of his laugh….she could listen to it forever. "Don't sweat it! I'll have it done in no time!" Natsu gave her a grin. "Go sit." He nodded towards a snow covered bench just outside of the parking lot.

Still a little dazed, Lucy murmured, "Okay, sure," and waddled over to the bench.

Good. This was good. She could sit, relax, think things through. Get this mess out of her mind. Get _Natsu_ out of her mind.

She wiped the snow off of the bench seat and sat down. The second her eyes landed on Natsu again, she regretted ever coming over here.

He must've been overheating from shovelling, so he'd dumped his jacket on the ground. Beneath it, he only wore a vest-like piece of clothing—it was the standard facility t-shirt, but he'd cut it and torn it so it was sleeveless and showed off a bit of his chest and stomach. He was sweating as he worked, heaving the snow onto the large shovel and tossing it over his shoulder off of the pavement; Lucy practically felt herself drooling. Was this even real? Did this even happen in real life? It was like a movie—a slow motion, blurred at the edges scene, where the hot guy is shovelling slowly, all sexy…

Jesus. She was drooling. Lucy wiped her chin, cringing at herself.

She couldn't really blame herself, though. Despite the fact that this guy was her best friend, she couldn't deny that he was incredibly good looking. And funny. And charming. And also sensitive, when he needed to be. And protective of her (although she still was _sort of_ under the impression that he'd been jealous—or, maybe she just wanted him to be).

Not to mention the fact that he was so _good_. So in control, so well-behaved. Well, relatively.

She'd been thinking about that a lot, ever since the hospital. She'd come to the realization that she wanted to get better, that she was just about ready to start on her journey of self-improvement. She didn't want to cut anymore, for anyone's sake. She was ready. And her friends were starting to get there, too.

But then, it hit her on the drive home that Natsu already _was_ there. He already understood what she had just discovered. He already wanted to get better. He already was trying. He'd had things figured out so much longer than she had. The second he saw her cut, he was heartbroken. Destruction made him upset. He was so much further on the journey.

And it inspired Lucy. She wasn't jealous, she was proud. Her guy, her boy, he was doing so good. He didn't want to die, he didn't want to be hurt, he didn't want anyone else to be hurt either. He wanted people to get better. She'd never been so proud.

Obviously, she'd never known if Natsu had ever been in _that_ place. She hadn't known him during his bad times. Maybe he had hurt himself. Maybe he'd never done it. Either way, the fact that he didn't want others to be hurt _ever_ ….that really impressed her.

He was Natsu, the goofy little class clown that lied about why he was at the facility to everyone except her. Everyone joked about how much of an idiot he was, and even sometimes Lucy mumbled to herself about how stupid he could be (mostly regarding romance, but, whatever). But he wasn't. He'd been the smartest one, all along. He'd known.

He'd known that a person had to want to get better. And this entire time, he'd subtly been telling Lucy that. And now, she was ready to take the plunge, jump in, stop blaming herself and everyone else. Just live.

Lucy wanted to be like him—to be a person that valued life so greatly, one that never wanted to hear of it being wasted or destroyed. She wanted to see life as a precious commodity, not something to throw away.

Lucy glanced up at him again; he was nearly done shovelling the parking lot already. He was sweating like a pig and his scarf was tied up around his forehead, and he had this little frown on his face as he concentrated. His body was so warm that the cold air around him was turning to mist; he was steaming as the flakes fell down, melting as they touched him.

She sighed, heart melting.

He was sunshine. He was everything. He was the whole universe, and she was just a crack in the sidewalk.

He tossed one last shovel load of snow over his shoulder, then straightened up; he looked over at Lucy and gave her a big beaming smile, and it was like the whole world exploded. Like all of the fireworks went off at once. Like this was the end of the world, and he was the only thing left.

She figured it was about time to own up to it, to quit lying to herself. She liked him. She liked him a lot, actually, and her heart was pounding so fast it kind of actually hurt.

It felt weird to confess that tidbit of information to herself. She'd been trying to hide it for so long.

Natsu grabbed his coat and walked over, huffing and puffing; despite his exhaustion, he still managed to smile at her. "What's wrong? You look like you're about to burst into tears."

"Oh!" Lucy murmured, trying to fix her face up into a smile. "I didn't realize…"

Natsu poked her cheek until she gave him a grin. "You havin' a midlife crisis?"

Lucy shook her head. "Um, sort of, actually. Just figured something important out."

He tugged his coat on. "Feel like sharing?"

"Not yet." Her cheeks burnt red.

"Fair enough," Natsu said, not a care in the world. "Let's go inside. You look cold."

"And you're not? What kind of idiot takes his jacket off and wears a _vest_ in the snow?"

"It was hot!" Natsu whined. After a second, he sneezed.

"See, dummy? Let's go to the kitchen. I'll ask for some hot chocolate."

Natsu's eyes lit up. " _Really_?"

"Really."

"Cool!" Natsu smiled.

They walked, snow getting caught in their eyelashes. They didn't speak for a few minutes as they made their way around the brick building: Lucy's thoughts were far too riddled with Natsu for her to even _think_ about starting a conversation. Once they made it inside, they headed to the kitchen. Lucy asked the chef to make hot chocolate; he obliged kindly, and then offered to let them sit in the kitchen by the stove to warm up.

The chef was doing paperwork in his office, so the teens were alone in the kitchen. Ever since the accident, Lucy had apologized to the chef unconditionally; he'd accepted graciously, and they'd gotten along very well since then, hence why he was doing her small favors like this.

They sat on the ground in front of the blazing oven; it was like a little fire pit, glowing and warm.

Lucy could still see Natsu wince every time the fire crackled, every time it flared up and got big. It sort of broke her heart.

Natsu had grabbed them a few blankets from the storage closet and he wrapped it carefully around the girl's shoulders, acting as if he'd break her if he was too rough.

She was shivering uncontrollably; Natsu laughed, and scooted up beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She rested her head on his hand; his skin was blazing on her cheek.

Lucy found it funny that he was afraid of fire, that fire had been the thing to totally destroy him, tear apart his family and steal everything he loved, because that's what he was to her. Natsu was a blazing flame, warm and bright and constant. He was always there, heating her up, warming her insides, keeping her safe.

He was the sun. A ball of fire. Lighting up everything he touched.

Natsu put his head down, resting it on her free shoulder. "I missed you, when you were gone yesterday."

Lucy smiled, brown eyes staring into the orange flames within the oven. "Missed you too. Wished you could've come with me."

He huffed out a sigh. "Yeah," He murmured, "I wish I could've come, too."

There was a long pause. Lucy wasn't sure how far to push him, how far to ask. Sometimes, things that were touchy like this, they made him just shut down. He didn't like to remember back to what hurt him, and Lucy didn't like to force him.

But this time, she did. She had to know.

"Is it because the fire?" Lucy asked, voice soft. She turned her head to look at him; he kept his head on her shoulder, pink spiky hair hiding his face from her. "Is that why you couldn't come to the hospital?"

There was a long silence, now. After a minute or two, Natsu nodded his head. "Yes."

"What about it?"

He appeared to struggle to respond. "Everything. The hospital…just brings it all back." He paused. "Mira being in a coma. I was in a coma, you know? Just…seeing that. That's too much."

Lucy's hand reached up and grabbed his; her thumb rubbed the back of it softly. "I understand."

Another long break occurred before he spoke. "It's still so hard. Everyone always says time will make it better, that it will heal things," He whispered, voice quiet, "But it hasn't."

Lucy's eyebrows tugged down. "How long has it been, Natsu? Since the fire?" It was the first time she realized she didn't know the answer. She hadn't known when this fire had occurred. She didn't even know how long he'd been here.

He hesitated; she could feel him blinking against her, his eyelashes catching on the fabric of her shirt.

Her heart started to pound now, worried. "Natsu?" She asked, urging him to answer her.

Silence. More and more silence, just the flickering of the flames.

When he spoke, his voice croaked out the answer.

"Six years," He sputtered, his body tensing him against her. He was bracing himself for her reaction. "Six."

 _Six years_. Six years since his family was stolen from him, since every single person he had ever loved had been burnt. Six years since he saw his close friend get charred to a crisp. Six years since he heart his older brother's screams. Six years since his parents tried to find him in the house, only getting themselves caught and eaten by the flames.

Her heart fell in her chest. "How long have you been at the facility?"

He swallowed. "Five years and two months."

Five years he'd been here, all on his own. He'd been here much longer than anyone else in the group. He'd probably outlived several groups, seen them come and go, watch them get better as he stayed. He'd had to meet new people and let them go probably a dozen times over until now. More than a dozen. Probably hundreds of people had worked their way through the facility's therapy treatments and graduated. But not him. Here he was.

Lucy wondered how many years it took for him to start lying, for him to start making up fake, gruesome stories to tell his groupmates. She wondered how long it took for him to tell Juvia everything. She wondered how much it broke Juvia's heart to still see that little boy here, grown up.

Lucy wondered how lonely Natsu had been, here, on his own. He'd been goofy, but he'd said Lucy was the first friend he'd ever had since the accident. She wondered how afraid he had been to be friends with someone, scared they would get torn from him just like everyone else had. She wondered how many nights he cried himself to sleep in his dorm, sad about losing his family and sad about not having anyone and sad about not _wanting_ anyone.

Lucy wondered how terrified he had been the first night he'd ever let Lucy in a little further than he normally allowed. What night was it? The night he'd grabbed her in the kitchen, when she'd first sliced herself with the steak knife? The night he'd pulled her up onto the roof and talked to her all night? The first time going up to the roof became routine? The first night she'd fallen asleep on him, and he'd watched her for hours?

Or was it the night he'd told her? The night she'd opened up to him and gotten angry when he never opened up to her. Was that when it scared him the most? Was that when he truly realized he'd let her in and broken all of the rules he'd set up for himself?

And how scared was he now? Now that they were _them_ , Lucy and Natsu, inseparable and interconnected and dependent on one another?

Lucy was crying now, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Natsu peered up, peeking up from her shoulder, eyes red and wet but no tears escaping yet. "Lucy?" He was worried about her. Worried about how horrified she was with him, knowing now that he was still in severe pain about something so long ago.

"I'm sorry you're hurt, Natsu, I'm sorry that anything has ever hurt you," She cried, voice shaking. "And if I could go back in time and stop anything from every happening, I would. Even though it would mean we would never meet, I'd do it—because you're just the best person I've ever met, and knowing you've had to go through this and be in so much pain, even now, _god_ , it just breaks my heart."

Relief flooded through his veins; he'd thought she would be afraid of him, dislike him because he was still so broken after so long.

She threw herself around him, clinging to his warmth. She cried on his shoulder, sobbing into him, apologizing for anything that ever caused him pain.

His arms wrapped around her, hands on the small of her back; she practically crawled into his lap. His heart was being pulled into a million different directions: utter joy, because she hadn't given up on him; sadness, because she was crying on him and he hated to see her cry. But mostly…fear.

The fear that had run his life at the facility thus far.

He hadn't had any friends for so long because of it. Sure, he'd talk with a couple people if they spoke to him—he wasn't a dick—but he'd kept his distance. He'd lied about everything, everything about him. He kept his memories a secret. The only person that had known was Juvia, and that was it. Until Lucy.

He'd had this rule. This rule that he wouldn't get too close. He wasn't sure why. He just had this weird, achy feeling in his chest that if he got close to anyone, loved anyone—friend or more—they'd die. Like he was cursed. So, he'd lived by it.

Rule was kind of thrown out the window the second Luce showed up. He wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the way she stared at him at breakfast and didn't even care that he knew. Or just how she wouldn't shut up. He'd ask her one question and she'd go on and on about it for an hour, which was good, because he liked the way her voice sounded. So she busted down everything he ever knew, taught him how it really was, and destroyed his number one rule.

Still, the fear was there. She'd gotten in far too deep far too fast for him to turn back now. It was too late. He was all hers, forever, as long as she wanted him. But he was still absolutely terrified that she was going to die.

Especially now that she meant so much.

Especially now that he fucking loved her.


	18. Chapter 18

"You and Lucy, that's quite a development, isn't it?"

Natsu's eyes flashed up from his hands, looking up at the woman in front of him. Juvia was behind her desk, elbows propping herself up; she was giving him a funny look, like she was just about to smile but had changed her mind at the last second. Natsu sighed, tearing his attention completely away from the multi-colored cube in his hands, knowing by Juvia's tone of voice that she wanted answers _now_.

Natsu set the rubix cube down on his lap. Normally, he'd play with it during individual therapy sessions—it had been Juvia's idea; it helped keep him busy, keep him calm. She said when he was uncomfortable, when they talked about the bad stuff, his ADHD tendencies magnified; this little cube helped him divide his attention, keep him still and calm.

Some days, Natsu could just sense Juvia wanted the little toy gone, that it was time for business. This was one of those days.

"Uh, yeah," Natsu mumbled, giving a nod. "She's a good friend."

Juvia nodded right back. "She's the first friend you've made."

He knew she was right, but didn't want to admit it out loud. "Gray's my friend."

"You and Gray like to fight," She commented, "And be mean to each other. That's okay, but…I mean _real_ friendship. Deep, heartfelt friendship. Like your relationship with Lucy."

Natsu blushed; he ducked his head, trying to hide it. "So?"

"So, I'm just saying, this is good news, Natsu. I haven't seen you open up enough to really bond with someone." Juvia paused. "Have you told her about yourself?"

Natsu looked back up to his counsellor, a little afraid of what her reaction might be. After all, Natsu had known this woman for five years—he knew what her reaction would be to things.

"Uh, yeah," He murmured, cringing immediately. "I did."

Juvia's eyes were wide. "You told her? All of it?"

"All of it. Skimmed the details for her sake, but, y'know…."

Juvia's eyes dropped down to her desk, and her lips spread into a somewhat sad smile. "Oh, Natsu…." She trailed off for a second, and then looked up at him. "I'm so proud of you."

The pink haired boy made a face. "Proud of me? For what?"

"Don't underestimate how important this is, okay? This was hard for you. I know it was. We've discussed this before. You always felt that if you got close to someone, you'd just lose them again—but you opened your heart and overcame your fears. This is a big deal for you, don't be afraid to celebrate it."

Natsu's heart was pounding a little heavier than usual. He wasn't really a fan of hearing his own issues being read back to him. But she was right. He had gotten over his fears, slightly. And it was a big deal, considering how much of a freak he'd been about it before.

At first, he'd refused to talk to people. He was sure the second he started to like them, want to become their friend, they'd die. Slowly, over time, he chilled out. He'd respond to people, talk to them at breakfast, but not enough to become pals. Then, as people came and went, the lonelier he became; his resolve and diminished ever so slightly, every time a new group was formed and graduated without him.

By the time this group came around—Mira, Laxus, Gajeel, Gray and all the others—he'd gotten to the point where he would become relatively friendly with people, but not super close. He'd bicker with Gray, he'd make fun of Gajeel, he'd laugh with Erza, but he never let them get in his heart. Which was fine. They didn't exactly _want_ to be in his heart; these people all had their own problems to deal with.

But then, Lucy came.

He still wasn't really sure what made Lucy so different to him. Even on her first day, something was wildly unique about her—enough to stand out to him—and he hadn't even spoken to her yet. In that first group therapy session, the one where she was introduced, she'd just watched him carefully, as if he were a wild animal and she was researching him. There was something about her eyes, something that stood out. And he wasn't sure what it was.

But when he saw her at breakfast the next day, watching him still, expression careful and unsure, he felt kind of stuck. Like she'd set a trap and it had caught him. At the time, he didn't know what these feelings meant, he'd never experienced them before. Why would a stranger make him feel like he was stuck? What did being stuck even _mean_?

As time went on, though, he felt drawn to her. He'd hear her laugh with Erza and Mira, and he'd lose focus. She would walk past him and the smell of her shampoo would make him forget what he was talking about.

When he caught her in the kitchen cutting herself, his heart felt like it had been punctured. For a while, he'd forgotten this girl might even have problems. He'd forgotten they were in a treatment centre. That's how distracting she was.

The more he talked to this girl, the more normal he felt. He still had nightmares every night, and he'd wake up crying and sweating, but when he fell back asleep, he'd dream of her. Nothing creepy—she would just be there, a constant calming effect that would lull him back to sleep.

Luckily, Lucy seemed to like him just as much as he liked her. They spent tons of time together, always laughing and talking like it wasn't hard at all. Like they didn't have a single trouble on their mind.

He was still haunted by his past. He could still feel the flames licking up his skin, burning his stomach right where his scar is. But honestly, knowing Lucy would be sitting beside him at breakfast the next day seemed to ease the pain. It hurt still, but it was a stinging sensation rather than a stabbing one. She dulled the pain with every smile.

That's why she'd stood out so quickly. Even before they'd spoke, even before he knew her name, she'd dulled the pain. Natsu wasn't sure _how_ , but she had. Just the way she had been that first day—damaged, but standing tall—had done it. And once he'd seen her smile…well, then everything else was just chucked out the window. He was done for. It didn't hurt so bad.

"You know, this is just great news," Juvia gushed, smile on her lips. "I think you deserve a treat. What an accomplishment! Look—I'll let you pick this week's group trip. Anywhere you want, within reason."

Natsu smirked. "Let's go to Paris."

"Within reason, Natsu. We've got a budget we need to respect."

"You're killing me, Juvia." He paused, sighing as he thought. "The beach?"

Juvia's eyebrows pulled down as she thought. "Well, actually…we could charter a bus, take a roadtrip. We could go to Fuoco Beach. It's only a couple hours away, right on the ocean. I'd need to get approval, but they should give me news in a couple days." Juvia looked at the young man before her. "Great idea, Natsu. What made you pick that?"

Natsu shrugged. "Lucy said she'd never been to the beach before."

She smiled. "You've really got a soft spot for her, don't you?"

He was a little embarrassed. "Maybe."

"You really should just tell her how you feel, Natsu."

Natsu made a face. "What do you mean?"

"Don't be an idiot! Everyone knows you like her."

Natsu rolled his eyes. "No one knows."

" _Everyone knows_. Trust me. I gossip about you guys with everyone."

" _What?_ "

Juvia nodded. "Surprisingly, Gajeel is the most invested. He gives me updates about anything that has happened between you two, and I tell him anything I know."

Natsu crossed his arms, grumbling. "What a creep."

"So, are you gonna tell her?"

"No," Natsu muttered. "I wouldn't even know what to say. Besides, what's the point?"

"Well, obviously, you care about one another, so why not tell her just how much you care? It'll make her very happy, I'm sure."

"Okay, fine. How exactly do I do that?"

Juvia shrugged. "I'm not sure—however you want. Maybe ask some of the boys. They can give you advice."

" _Those_ dumbasses? What do they know about talking to girls?"

Juvia sighed. "Just try it, Natsu. Maybe they'll have some good hints." She paused. "Besides, I'm sure Gajeel will be over the moon to hear that you've accepted your feelings for Lucy."

Natsu let out a groan. "This sounds like it's gonna be a lot of work."

Juvia stood, walked over to Natsu and shuffled him out of his seat, pushing him towards the door. "I'll get those plans for the beach set up—if everything goes well, we should be leaving Friday, I'm hoping. Now, get to work! Ask the boys. They can be helpful sometimes, I promise."

Natsu stumbled out into the hallway, grumbling over his shoulder about how Juvia was such an annoying mother figure; Juvia just laughed and shut her office door. He stood there for a bit, a little dazed, and then began to wander around the facility's halls, unsure of what to do.

After about twenty minutes of wandering, Natsu figured he shouldn't waste any more time. He headed to the library, knowing that anyone who had free time would most likely spend it there—he hoped that one of the boys were down there so he could beg them for help.

How the hell was he supposed to tell Lucy about his feelings? Would she even care? What if he told her and she laughed in his face? Or worse, what if it scared her off? He'd been scared for years that if he got close to a person, he'd lose them—so, what if he was the one that caused her to leave? That would hurt. He probably couldn't bear it. God, this was so annoying.

But, the one little thought in the back of his mind urged him forward.

 _What if it turned out perfectly?_ What if he confessed everything to her, and she did the same? What if they kissed—god, he's wanted to kiss her so badly—and held each other and were in love together? What if they dated? What if she was his totally his, and he was totally hers, officially?

He wanted Lucy to be beside him forever. He wanted to eat breakfast with her every day—even when they were out of the facility. He wanted her. So, why not tell her? Why not tell her everything?

Yup, okay. He had to tell her. That was settled. How he was going to do that was still a bit fuzzy.

Natsu swung open the heavy library doors, hoping to see one of the boys there. Unfortunately, his eyes landed on someone completely different.

"Natsu!" Lucy cried, lips instantly splitting into a heart-melting grin. She always looked so happy to see him; his heart ached. "What're you doing here?"

His heart pounded heavily. He hadn't prepared for this. He'd been thinking his whole time about confessing his love to her, asking someone for advice, and now _this?_ Her, right there? He wasn't ready.

His cheeks burnt red hot, his eyes were so wide they hurt.

Lucy took a step away from the desk she'd been leaning on, headed towards him.

Natsu began to sweat.

Her smile grew; she took another step. Everything was slow motion.

Natsu was afraid that if he spoke to her, he'd accidentally blurt out he loved her. He didn't want to do that. He wanted it to be perfect. But he knew if he even spoke to her for a moment, the words would come tumbling out.

So, the pink haired boy with the burning red face spun on his heel and ran out of the library, leaving the pretty blonde girl utterly confused.

"Natsu?" She called, unsure, as he darted out of the room. When he didn't come back, she shrugged. Boys always _were_ weird, and Natsu was just about the weirdest. Something odd like this didn't really phase her.

Meanwhile, Natsu kept running. He was far out of range of the library, and he was well aware that Lucy wouldn't chase after him. But he kept running. He ran through the halls, out the back door of the facility out to the tennis courts.

The snow had piled up and it was freezing; he was just wearing his cut up vest he'd made out of his uniform. His mind was racing, his heart was pounding. He couldn't do this.

He ran into the tennis court cage, closing it behind him, and laid in the middle of it. He stared up at the grey clouds, heart hammering against his ribs. The snow chilled his body, and he was shivering in seconds. He didn't care.

He was screwed. Utterly and completely screwed. Because of a pretty girl. That he loved.

Natsu closed his eyes, the snowflakes falling from the sky melting on contact with his skin. The snow on the ground around him slowly began to melt, too. He sighed.

He needed as much help as he could get.


	19. Chapter 19

"So then you go up to her—are you even listening? Listen. You go up to her, have this real serious look on her face, right? She doesn't know what's coming. She's real unsure, a little scared 'cause you look like you could kill a man. And you're real serious and you go, 'I want to talk to you about something, Lucy'. And she will wonder what it is. And you just grab her shoulders—rough, but not too rough. She's kind of little, you'd hurt her. Anyways, you grab her shoulders and you pull her in, and you kiss her. Hard and hot and stuff, then melt it down into sweet and short. Passionate, y'know?"

Natsu was sitting on the floor, his head fallen back, leaning on the concrete wall of the boys washroom. They'd gone in there to talk in private, in case any females wanted to eavesdrop on this top secret conversation. "What was I supposed to tell her?"

Gajeel shook his head, utterly disappointed in Natsu. "You _say_ you have something to tell her—then you kiss her. The kiss is what you were trying to tell her. Are you an idiot?"

Natsu made a face. "I still don't get it."

Gray piped up now, shoving Gajeel out of his way. "Ignore this fluff—he's been watching _way_ too many romantic comedies in the library."

Gajeel looked insulted. "They're _good_ movies! The scripts are fantastic."

Gray huffed out a breath. " _Anyway_ , don't do what he just said. You just go up to her, nice and simple, and say 'Hey, Lucy, would you like to go on a date with me?'"

"Where the hell am I supposed to take her on a date?"

"I don't know! The library or something." Gray shrugged. "That's up to you. I'm just giving you direction."

Natsu perked up an eyebrow, glancing to Gajeel. "You got any ideas for a date night?"

Gajeel crossed his arms. "Plenty. But none for a romantic night in a mental hospital."

"Ugh," Natsu groaned, hitting his head against the concrete again. "Why am I even worrying about a date? I can't even tell her how I feel yet."

"Maybe just talk to her, and it'll all spill right out," Gray offered with a small smile.

"Thanks, Gray. That's quite literally the exact opposite of what I want to happen. But great suggestion."

"I already told you, dummy. Romance the shit out of her. Blondie'll go nuts."

"What makes you so sure?"

Gajeel shrugged. "We get along pretty well—we chatted about movies, we both have the same taste in film. She likes what I like. Trust me, she'll like it if you go full romance."

Gray laughed; Natsu's chest felt like it was engulfed in flames.

"Is this just a waste of time?" Natsu sighed, body going limp as he slouched. "What if she doesn't even like me? What if this is all for nothing?"

Before Gajeel or Gray could respond, a booming voice echoed its way through the boy's washroom. The voice was so loud it made all of the boys jump and shriek, fear running down their spines; they turned to the entrance, unsure of who it could be.

The voice sounded angry. " _Never give up! Never hesitate! Go forth with Lucy!_ "

Gray blinked at the doorway. "…God?"

The door slammed open and Erza strode in, a serious expression knitted into her face.

"Jesus!" Gajeel snapped, shaking his head.

"Are you kidding me?" Gray mumbled.

Natsu glanced around. "This is the boy's washroom, right?"

Erza walked in, shaking her head. "Natsu, are you really about to give up, just like that?"

Natsu crossed his arms. "Maybe." He paused. "It's scary, okay?"

"Don't be such a whiny baby—man up. You can do this. It's Lucy," Erza said, attempting to ease the boy. Her loud tone appeared to have the opposite of the desired effect. "You know her more than anyone. What feels right to you?"

"I don't know. Lucy…she's right. But I don't know how to go about it."

"Give us your female perspective, Erza," Gajeel said. "How would you want Natsu to confess his love to you?"

Erza sputtered out a laugh, then calmed herself down. "Well, it's hard to say. Something nice. A picnic. With cake."

"Okay, but how should he say it?" Gray asked.

Erza's eyebrows pulled down. "Hmmm. Tough one. Be subtle, work your way into the subject. Don't just spring it on her. It'll kill the moment." She paused. "But don't take too long. And you have to say it clearly."

"Oh my god," Natsu groaned, "This is never going to work."

"Maybe you should ask Laxus. He'd probably have some good tips."

"You think?" Natsu mumbled, sighing. "Alright, I'll give it a go." He pushed himself up from the floor of the washroom, heaving out a heavy breath.

"Good luck!" Erza said, saluting him. "Tell me how it goes."

"Will do—" Natsu began, but was quickly interrupted by another voice outside of the bathroom. This time, it was higher pitched and questioning.

"Erza?" The voice called from beyond the men's washroom door. "Are…are you in the boys' washroom?"

Natsu spun to look at his friends, eyes as wide as the moon. "Shit!" He whispered. "That's Lucy!"

The two other boys' had equally shocked expressions on their faces; Erza seemed calm and relaxed.

"What do I do?" Natsu whispered.

The voice outside the door spoke again. "Is that…Natsu? Are you in the bathroom with Natsu?"

"She heard me!" He squeaked.

"I'm coming in, okay?" Lucy called, unsure if she should enter the men's washroom. "Here I come, okay?"

Gajeel's big hands grabbed Natsu's shirt and he lifted him up, hauling him to the bathroom stall; he shoved the pink haired boy in, telling him to lift his feet so she couldn't see him. Gajeel closed the stall door, making it back to where the others stood just as Lucy opened the washroom door.

"Lucy!" Erza greeted, calm and collected. "Is this your free block, too?"

Lucy stepped into the washroom, giving the group a weird face. "Why are you all in the boy's washroom?"

The boys stammered for a moment, but Erza played it off like it was nothing.

"I had to ask Gajeel a question—a movie is missing from the library. I couldn't find them, so I came looking in here." Erza turned to the boys, who quite honestly, were the worst actors of all time; they stammered and looked at the ground the entire time. "Luckily, I found them."

"Oh, Lucy said, nodding. She seemed…down. Her voice was a little sad. "Was Natsu in here with you?"

"Uhhhh," Gajeel began shakily, but Erza cut him off.

"Haven't seen him, actually," Erza cut off Gajeel. "Are you looking for him?"

Lucy let out a little breath, looking at the ground. "Yes, actually," She said, voice a little quiet. "I haven't seen him in days. He hasn't come to breakfast, or supper. And he doesn't go to the roof. Anytime I see him, he runs off." She paused, sad brown eyes flickering up to the group before her. "It's been like four days now."

Natsu, sitting all tucked up in the bathroom stall, felt his heart drop. The sound of her voice, all sad like that…it broke his heart. She was upset, and it was all his fault. He felt horrible. Still, he knew the second he talked to her, everything would tumble right out of his mouth, and he really didn't want to ruin anything by doing so…

"Does he hate me, or something, now?" Lucy asked; she sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

Erza shook her head. "Of course not. You know Natsu, he's just…odd. I'm sure something just set him off, and he'll be back to normal in no time."

"Yeah," Gray added, "I wouldn't worry about it. He hasn't talked to anyone lately. He's in a mood."

Gajeel gave Lucy a pat on the shoulder. "Give him some time, Blondie."

Lucy gave them a small smile. "Thanks, guys. If you see him, could you tell him that I miss him?" She sucked in a deep breath, giving the group another sad little smile. "A lot."

"Of course," Erza nodded. "I will deliver that message to him. Promise."

"Thanks. Well, I'd better head back—I'm supposed to be in the library working on my stupid project thing Juvia assigned me way back when. Just came looking for him." Lucy turned, heading out the door, giving the group a wave. "See you at supper."

The group all waved back, calling goodbye for a few seconds. Then, they fell silent, listening to Lucy's footsteps take her further away until they weren't audible anymore. The second Lucy was completely out of earshot, Erza stomped over to the bathroom stall, slammed open the door, and reached in and grabbed Natsu.

"You heard her, Natsu. She misses you. You fix this right now!"

Natsu was shaking; the wrath of Erza was absolutely terrifying. "I'm trying, I'm trying,"He squeaked, "I promise."

"She's right, you know," Gajeel muttered, crossing his arms. "Blondie looks really sad—you need to figure this out fast and make it up to her."

Natsu hung his head. "I heard." He'd never heard her voice so…quiet before. "She thinks I hate her."

"Even worse, now you've made us lie to cover your ass," Erza said, a little annoyed. "You make this right, Natsu. By tomorrow. I'm serious."

"Yes ma'am," He nodded. "I will."

But how? He couldn't even _think_ about telling Lucy anything without nearly pissing his pants with anxiety—how was he supposed to actually tell her a single thing? He couldn't just pretend he hadn't come to this realization, because it was quite literally the only thing occupying his mind. He couldn't just talk to her and play it cool until he figured out a strategy to tell her, because even just hearing her voice right then had made him want to jump out of that bathroom stall and scream it all out to her.

She was his best friend, and she deserved to be told in the right way.

He just didn't know what the _right way_ was.

Do something absolutely stupendous, like Gajeel had said? Would that really work? Sweep her off of her feet and do something amazingly sappy? It didn't feel right. Lucy would like it, but it wasn't really Natsu's cup of tea. He wanted to do something that suited him—he knew Lucy would appreciate that more.

Just tell her, straight up, like Gray had mentioned? Easy enough, in theory. Harder than it sounded. Natsu wasn't sure he would be able to just walk up to her and say it. Besides, Lucy wouldn't like that at all—treating it like it was some casual piece of news. She'd smack him.

A picnic, like Erza said? That wasn't such a bad idea—too bad it was absolutely blizzarding outside, and there wasn't a single romantic location inside the facility. Nothing here felt…right. If it was summer, he could have done it on the roof, but at this point in the season, it was loaded up with snow and ice. And he wasn't exactly able to wait two or three more months for the snow to melt…

Erza sighed, releasing Natsu. "I better get going—gotta pack for that big surprise group activity tomorrow. Juvia said to bring bathing suits."

"I'm guessing we are going to the pool," Gray said, a little excited. "I haven't swam in forever."

"Nah, it's the beach," Natsu said, speaking up at last. "Juvia let me pick. I chose it." Juvia had told him just the day before that the trip had been approved; she'd said she wanted to keep it a secret, to surprise everyone.

Erza's eyes lit up. "The _beach_?"

"There's no beach near here," Gajeel commented. "How far are we going?"

Natsu shrugged. "Juvia didn't really say. At first, she told me it was a long bus drive—but now, I think we're actually getting a flight and going somewhere nice. Something about a sponsor owning a beach house and offering it up for the trip. I guess it's gonna be pretty fancy—for us, at least."

Erza nearly died on the spot. "I have to go pack!" She cried, running off.

Gray shook his head. "Has she forgotten that we all only own uniforms?"

Natsu shrugged. He was sort of excited for the beach, especially now that it was going to be nice; Lucy had never been to the beach, and he wanted it to be perfect for her. For a second, his heart dropped at the thought of her. He was going to have to ignore her this entire trip, wasn't he? There was no way he could talk to her and not spill the beans…

Unless, that's where he did it.

On the beach, under the sunset, in the warm water with Lucy. That's where he would do it. It would be perfect. Her first beach day, his first time ever loving someone like this and letting them know. It was sort of fitting.

Okay, perfect. He'd decided it. He was going to tell Lucy on beach day.


	20. Chapter 20

It was early—too early for Natsu to be awake and completely aware.

Everyone was outside, milling around the entrance to the facility, awaiting the bus that was coming to pick them up; everyone was exhausted, yawning and trying to keep themselves awake while they waited. Everyone had bags slung over their shoulders, a strange excitement buzzing through their tired veins—they were going on vacation. Juvia had contacted the group and told them they were to be driven to the airport, where they would then board and head off towards the mystery destination. No one really had anything to pack, so their bags were filled with extra uniform t-shirts and long sleeves, just in case.

When Natsu made it to the entrance—he was the last of the group to arrive—the sky above was grey, dark and cloudy. The air was chilly; the snow on the ground had a fresh new layer from the night before. He was exhausted—hadn't slept for days, honestly—and was kind of hoping to sleep the entire drive to the airport and the flight to the beach.

But the second he saw Lucy, he knew he wasn't going to sleep at all.

She had her messenger bag slung across her chest, her uniform looking prim and proper; her hair was pulled up, tied back with a pretty pink ribbon. Her eyes were bright as she spoke to Erza, probably from the excitement of going somewhere unknown with her friends; she was smiling as she spoke to her friends, laughter radiating from the small circle.

Her eyes flickered to Natsu as he stepped out of the door, simply out of habit; for a split second, their eyes searched one another. Natsu's heart leaped in its chest. She looked so pretty today. But, after another millisecond, her eyes dropped, falling to the pavement and then trailing back to Erza. Her smile had faded. She didn't laugh along with the conversation anymore.

He'd hurt her, these past few days, ignoring her like this. At the time, it had been his only option: leave for a while so he didn't mess things up beyond repair. He never would've forgiven himself if he'd told her he loved her in some stupid, casual kind of way. She deserved better, and he intended to deliver.

Now that he had a plan, he felt better. He felt like he could talk to her without spilling the beans. Now that he had a strategy, a plan set forth, everything felt fine.

Except now, she wouldn't even smile at him. How the hell was he supposed to confess his love when she wouldn't give him a glance? Had he fucked this up before it had even started?

The bus came barrelling down the road leading up to the facility; the group began to chatter with excitement, everyone hitching their bags up into their arms, preparing to hop on the vehicle. It pulled up, and Juvia gave some speech about expected behaviour; everyone nodded and mumbled responses, too excited to care. The group all stumbled onto the bus; Natsu followed up last.

He entered the bus, then glanced down the little aisle; everyone had shuffled towards the back, taken up those seats. There were several seats left completely empty at the front of the bus. Everyone had paired up or was stretched across a seat, leaving Natsu the odd one out.

His eyes flickered to Lucy, and she glanced back. Erza was sitting beside her, chatting to Gajeel in the side beside them. Natsu yearned to be there, to be the one sitting beside Lucy. And if he hadn't treated her like shit this entire week, he would've been sitting there. No one to blame but himself.

Lucy seemed aware that he wanted the seat; they communicated silently. Lucy's eyes fell to the floor yet again, away from Natsu, hurt and a little upset. Natsu tried to swallow the heaviness In his throat—it didn't work. He sat in an empty seat at the front of the bus.

This sucked.

The bus went off, jumping and bumping as it hit every lump in the road. Natsu tried to put his head back and sleep, but that sad look on Lucy's face plagued him. How could he have been so mean to her? Ignoring her, running away from her without any explanation? No wonder she thought he hated her.

She was the most important person in the world, and he'd made her feel like she was no one.

He had to make it up to her—but how?

As the bus trip continued on, Natsu kept peeking over the seats, hoping the seat beside Lucy would open up as the ride went on. People eventually liked to switch around, chat with others, and Lucy was bound to be sitting by herself for a free moment on the ride. Natsu kept glancing over, waiting for the perfect moment.

That moment didn't occur for another two hours.

Two hours he had sat there, gloomy and upset, mad at himself for being such an ass. Two hours he had glared out of his window at the grey sky, wishing it was sunny and happy and he was sitting beside Lucy. But he was alone, and everyone else was having fun, and he sort of wanted to cry.

Periodically, Natsu would peek back at Lucy's seat, checking to see if the one beside her was available. They'd been on the road for nearly two and a half hours; it had been ten minutes since he'd glanced back, so he turned, preparing to check for availability.

To his surprise, there was a person blocking his view, standing directly beside him.

Natsu peered up, eyes wide. "Lucy."

She didn't look pleased—still, she looked _so_ pretty. "Can I sit here?" She motioned towards the seat beside him.

Natsu scrambled, grabbing his bag off the seat and chucking it down by his feet. "Of course."

Once he'd cleared the way, she sat down beside him, staring forward. They were quiet for a moment before she whispered, "Are you going to explain yourself?" Clearly, she was trying to sound tough, but the words came out shaky with anger.

Natsu opened his mouth, unsure of how to begin. "I…Luce, I'm so sorry, I don't know how to explain it," He sucked in a breath, watching her profile carefully. "I know I've been a real ass. I shouldn't have ignored you."

Lucy sucked in a sharp breath, her face turning to look at him; her brown eyes were welling up with tears. "Why _did_ you?"

"I just—had some things to deal with," Natsu mumbled, shoulders drooping at the sight of her sad. "I'm sorry."

"You know you can talk to me about everything," She whispered, voice shakier than ever, "You know I'll always listen. You don't have to hide things. You don't have to run away."

"I know," Natsu replied, heart breaking with every second she was sad, "I know. This was just…this was different, Luce, I can't explain it but I wish I could."

Lucy was trying to stop herself from crying now. "I can understand being a little moody and whatever, but running away from me? Not meeting me at the roof?" A tear rolled down her cheek. "Natsu, we made a promise."

He closed his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry. I was a dick."

"A _huge_ dick."

"Massive. I know. I'm sorry. I was being stupid."

" _Very_ stupid," Lucy replied, sniffling. "You hurt my heart."

Natsu reached forwards, his big hand encircling her little one. "Please forgive me, Luce." Her skin was cold compared to his; his other hand reached around, grabbing her little wrist, trying to warm her up. "Please."

Lucy gave him a glance, reading his expression. "I _will_ forgive you," She began, "But only on one condition."

"Sure. Anything."

Her lips twisted up into a teeny smile. "You have to tell me where we're going on this trip. Erza said you knew, but wouldn't tell me. Said it was a surprise." Her eyes were still wet from the tears before, but had that familiar sparkle in them.

Natsu's heart absolutely soared; she had forgiven him. He had hurt her, and she had forgiven him. Mentally, he promised to never pull another stunt like that. He couldn't stand seeing her cry, especially not over something he caused.

"Aw, no fair," Natsu said, frowning. "It's supposed to be a surprise. I picked it just for you."

"You picked it?" She asked, surprised.

"Juvia let me."

"And you picked it for me?" Her eyes were big.

"'Course, you idiot."

Lucy blushed slightly, smiling down at her feet. After a second, she turned to him. "Why?"

"Why _what_?"

She cocked her head slightly. "Why'd you pick it for _me_?"

Natsu made a face. Wasn't it obvious? Because you're the best, because I love you, because you make my life so much better I thought you deserved it. All good answers flickered in his head, but none of them spilled out of his lips. He said something much less impressive, something much less stupendous.

"Because, Luce. You're my best friend."

At first, Natsu didn't think it was such a bad response. A little lacklustre, but nothing terrible. But the second he saw Lucy's reaction, his heart began to pound. Her smile fell slightly, and the twinkle in her eyes flickered away, completely gone. She gave him this weird look, a weird little smile—it was fake; that was nowhere as beautiful as Lucy's real smile—and nodded.

"Yeah," She said. "Right."

Natsu frowned. He hadn't said anything mean, had he? Why did she look so…sad?

"Luce?" He asked, unsure. "Did I…Did I do something wrong?"

Lucy blinked, surprised, and then shook her head. "No—of course not. No, Natsu." She paused, flashing him that fake smile one more time. "You're my best friend, too."

He wasn't sure why she'd gotten so sad after he'd said that. After all, she'd said the exact same thing to him just now, and it only really made him happy. They _were_ best friends, weren't they? Did that make her sad?

Mental note: ask Erza if being best friends with Lucy is bad.

Juvia hopped up from the front seat. "Okay, kids—we're just about to pull up to the airport. I want you guys to stay together, all of you. Ask me before going to the bathroom and whatnot. Our flight isn't for an hour, so we have some time to waste. We will not go anywhere without a partner, okay?"

Everyone mumbled back a response, grabbed their bags and jumped off the bus.

Lucy stumbled into the airport with her bag, carrying it with two hands; Natsu followed behind, smirking as he watched the girl struggle.

"You know, you could just _ask_ me to carry them for you," He murmured, observing her kick the bag for a few feet.

"I— _ugh_ —got it," Lucy insisted, hauling the bag forwards for a few steps and then letting it drop limp at her feet.

Natsu rolled his eyes, reaching down and grabbing the bag; he chucked it on top of his and carried it with ease. "Geez—that's heavy. What the hell did you pack?" Deep down, he was a little excited he was carrying her things. He was doing something for her—that's what boyfriend's do, right?

"Only the essentials," Lucy snapped back as they made their way through the airport. "Clothes. Hairbrush. Toothbrush. Deodorant. Stuff like that."

"Weighs a ton," Natsu noted. "How many clothes could you possibly bring? All we've got are uniforms."

"Shut up," She sighed, pushing them forwards through the building.

The group went through all of the security, eventually making it to their gate. They were a little early, and everyone was hungry, so Juvia handed out lunch money for everyone; people took off in pairs, sticking with their safety partner everywhere they went.

Lucy stuck with Natsu, giving Erza a thumbs up as she passed. Erza gave Natsu a knowing smile.

"Where you wanna eat, partner?"

Lucy's cheeks went red. "What?"

Natsu smirked, laughing at her. "Where do you want to eat, safety partner?"

"Oh," She mumbled, a little embarrassed by her reaction to his words. "Uh, you pick."

Natsu opened his mouth, about to list off a bunch of places in the airport he wanted to eat, but he stopped. He looked at the blonde before him. _Really_ looked at her. The way her hair was pulled back, the way her cheeks were still a bit red from her blushing. And he realized that he wanted her to be happy more than he wanted to be happy. "No," He said, voice strong and defiant, "I want to eat where _you_ want."

Maybe that didn't seem like a big deal to most, but to Natsu that was just about the most meaningful thing he can manage. For once, he had the opportunity to eat some good, delicious fast food of his choosing—but he gave it up to Lucy instead.

Yup. Okay. He was totally head over heels for her. That was the only way to explain it.

Even Lucy seemed surprised. "Really? You sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay then…sushi?"

"Great choice." _Ew. Sushi._

They made their way to the sushi place; Lucy ordered for both of them. Once she got the food, she lead Natsu over to a little sitting area and unpacked his meal. She pointed each little piece of sushi out, explaining what was in it. Natsu just nodded along, happy that he was about to eat and that Lucy was there, talking to him.

Sushi was gross and squishy and way too raw for Natsu's liking, but he gobbled it down fast. He sat there for the next ten minutes watching Lucy eat slowly—like she always did. She'd eat a piece, glance around and talk about whatever she was seeing. She never really shut up, Natsu noticed. But he didn't really mind. He liked her voice, no matter what she was talking about.

After Lucy finished eating, they made their way back to their gate; everyone else was still gone for lunch, so they sat down and started talking. They would people watch—Lucy would make stories up about the people that passed, guessing about their personalities and histories—and Natsu would nod along, laughing at her silly little comments.

He hadn't really been aware of how much he'd missed her this past week. Every night not going to the roof, every morning eating breakfast alone in his room—he'd missed her, obviously, but it was only glaringly painful how much he'd missed her _right now_. He'd missed her voice, he'd missed her smell, he missed the way she talked and talked and snapped at him when he forgot to respond.

Truthfully, he could have told her everything right there. He could have leaned over, whispered it all in her ear.

 _I love you, Lucy_.

It would have been that easy.

But he didn't. It wouldn't be right. She deserved the best possible confession. Something beautiful and meaningful and sappy, but not Gajeel's level of sappiness. She deserved something lovely, because she was just so fucking lovely.

He zoned out on her, not even hearing the words she was speaking anymore. He watched her talk, watched the way her eyes lit up when someone interesting puttered by, and he was completely mesmerized. She was beautiful. She was magnificent. She was everything he had ever needed.

Right now, watching her grin at him, that was all he needed.

The fear was practically nonexistent. He'd been afraid for so long—afraid he would mess up, afraid everything was his fault, afraid he would lose anyone he ever got close to—but…now he wasn't really afraid. He was happy. She was here and she was beautiful and she was just _her_.

He interrupted her, then, by leaning over and holding her hand. He slid his fingers in between hers very slowly, very carefully, not wanting to offend her. She was cool against his skin and he held her tight, never wanting to let go. She turned to him, eyes wide with surprise, but he didn't stop holding her and she didn't complain, and so there they were, holding hands in the airport.

Natsu noticed her cheeks flush red; she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I really missed you this week," Lucy said, voice muffled by his shoulder.

His heart was beating so heavily, he thought he might black out. "I missed you too, Luce. More than you would believe."

They stayed like that until the plane began to board—the rest of the group had come back at some point; Natsu and Lucy were too wrapped up in each other to notice—and then they walked onto the aircraft, hands still intertwined.

The flight was pretty long—a couple hours—which surprised the teens onboard. No one other than Natsu was really positive where they were going. The mystery was extremely exciting.

But then, the plane began to descend and everyone was peeking out the tiny little windows to the landscape below. Green grass, green trees, white sand beaches and the ocean. A nice little place in the cove, about a three day's drive from the facility. Although it wasn't actually that far away from the facility, the weather couldn't be more different—the second they stepped off of the plane, they all knew.

It was smoking hot. Humid, too. The kids were drenched with sweat in seconds.

But everyone was super jazzed now and Lucy kept prodding Natsu about where they were, about why he'd picked this place specifically for her. The group went through the airport, grabbed their bags, and were put on a shuttle that took them to their hotel.

On the way, everyone could see the scenery.

It was beautiful. Palm trees, warm breeze, the smell of salt in the air.

When they got to the hotel, Juvia explained everything—Natsu had picked the place, the board had allowed it and a large sponsor to the facility even offered up his place for them to stay in. Luckily, he was a hotel owner, and owned a small but exquisite hotel right on the beach here. Everyone was lead to the hotel and given room keys; they were to pick their own roommates.

Everyone split up, almost exactly like they had on that camping trip. Again, it came down to Lucy and Natsu and again, Juvia offered for Lucy to stay in her room if it was more comfortable. Lucy turned her down, knowing full well that she would end up staying up late with Natsu in his room anyways.

They went to their room, tossed their backs on the floor. Lucy ran over to the window, letting out a large gasp as she peered at the sights before her.

"It's beautiful," She whispered, brown eyes raking over the white sand, the rippling waters and the bright sun.

Natsu smiled at her. "You like it?"

Lucy turned to him, shaking her head. "Like it? I love it!" She rushed forward and wrapped her arms around the boy, hugging him tightly. "Why'd you pick it?"

"You said you'd never been to the beach, so I thought you should see it."

Lucy began to cry; she was hugging him tightly, tears staining his shirt. "Thank you."

Natsu frowned, big hands landing on her waist, holding her tightly. "Why are you crying, Luce?"

She pulled back, big brown eyes wet and watery; a tear streamed down her pale cheek. "This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, Natsu," She whispered, then threw herself back on him. "Thank you."

He hugged her back tightly, his arms wrapping around her protectively. "Don't mention it, Luce."

They stayed like that for a while, hugging each other in their little room, together.


	21. Chapter 21

Everything was chaotic, for a while. Pairs were mixing up and changing, altering the rooming accommodations. People lost their room keys, needed an extra set just in case it happened again. Once everything was settled with the rooms, the kids were then taken to get some beach clothes.

The girls went nuts—Erza and Lucy excitedly ran around the little boutique, grabbing the cutest swimsuits, coverups and outfits, rushing to the change rooms to try them on. The guys were less excited about the clothing and more excited about the idea of getting fed—Juvia had promised they were going out for dinner next.

So, after shopping, the gang all headed out towards some little restaurant; it was nestled right into the beachside. The place was small and rather empty—which was suitable, considering this fairly large group coming to eat—and was sort of cute; there were golden, sparkly lights strung above the outdoor seating area, and cheerful music played in the background. It was dark by the time they ate, but the smell of the ocean filled the air, the lights lit up the place, and the sound of the waves could be heard as they chatted and ate their fill. Everyone was joyful; they looked nice, wearing their newly purchased outfits—the first outfit they'd worn that wasn't the facility's uniform for quite a while.

The group stayed at the restaurant for a while; after a couple hours had passed, people began to dwindle away. Juvia had told everyone to head back to the hotel when they were ready—she explained that there wouldn't be a lot of supervision, but that she was allowing this because she trusted all of them and knew they wouldn't disrespect her authority. She was right; the teens all genuinely liked Juvia and wouldn't want her career to be destroyed because someone was being stupid. She mentioned that they were free to roam where they wanted—the town was basically a resort town that had pretty tight security, so nothing criminal was really possible.

The group of teens dwindled down as time passed until, all of a sudden, it was Lucy and Natsu under some sparkly lights, the smell of the ocean thick in the air.

"It's nice here," Lucy said, sitting back in her chair, looking up at the stars above. "Hearing the ocean, hearing the waves. I sorta love it."

Natsu's lips parted into a grin. "Me too."

Hearing the warm wind breeze through the palm trees was incredibly relaxing; in fact, Lucy had never felt so calm before. It was like any of the things that had stressed her out before—school, her father, memories of her mother—didn't really bother her right now. It was like the bad things, the poison….here, they couldn't even touch her.

Lucy's brown eyes flickered to the boy in front of her.

She'd been so mad at him this morning. Angry to the point of tears, which had surprised even herself. Why? He'd ignored her, sure. Ran away from her on several occurrences. Avoided her in the halls, skipped meals so he didn't have to see her. Weird, even for Natsu. She'd thought she'd meant more than that to him…

But when she saw him today, all that anger sort of...didn't matter. She could see in his eyes something was wrong. She could tell by the way he walked. The way he sat alone on the bus. The way he kept looking back—trying, but failing to be subtle—at her the whole way to the airport. His eyes had been sad.

Lucy couldn't stand seeing his eyes like that—sad, dull, gloomy. The exact opposite of everything Natsu was: absolute sunshine, a ball of fire. She couldn't let him sit alone on the bus, looking like a sad little dog.

So, she'd sat with him. Forgiven him for being a dick the past couple days. It didn't matter to her. For whatever reason he felt he had to leave for a couple days, avoid her completely, it just didn't matter. She cared for him far too much to hold it against him.

He was her best friend. What was she supposed to do? Desert him?

Of course not.

So, there they were. Sitting beneath a couple hundred sparkly lights, stomachs full of seafood, smiles wider than they ever had been before.

Natsu's smile faded, giving way to an odd, serious look. His eyebrows pulled down, shrouding his eyes slightly; his head turned slightly to the right as he looked at her. The way he stared at her made shivers run down her spine; it was intense.

Lucy's immediate reaction was to blush; she glanced down at the table. "Natsu…" Lucy looked back up at him shyly. "You're staring."

"Oh." His eyebrows lifted up high, surprised. "Um. Sorry." His expression altered into one of a weird sort of fear; he looked like he was panicking. But then, just as quickly, he formed a mask of calmness, hiding whatever was brooding inside him. Lucy didn't have the heart to prod him, not when they were in such a lovely spot.

She was fully aware of how romantic a spot like this was. The music, the location, the lights…everything about was stripped directly out of her romcom film dreams. Of course, the initial realization had made her heart race—here they were, just the two of them. Her and her best friend, the cute boy with the bright smile and the abs that she longed to lick—but she shut down the idea as quickly as it sprouted.

She'd had enough of these thoughts. She'd had enough of the mindless daydreaming about romantic things with Natsu. She was done with picking up on tiny little romantic details only to be truly, horrifyingly disappointed when he was too dense to notice. She didn't want to get her hopes up anymore, not even in the slightest, because all it ever lead to was him telling her about how she was such a great friend, or something in that sense.

Clearly, he just wanted to be friends. Hadn't he made that clear enough? In any situation that made her heart skip, he'd always remind her of how she was his best friend, or a good pal, or his bestest buddy. Wasn't that a sign? That he didn't mean the romance bit, that he just wanted her to be his best friend?

She was done with being disappointed. She'd decided this a couple days ago, when she was mad at him. She'd been lying in bed, grumpy that he hadn't gone to the roof to meet her, and these thoughts had spawned. She'd daydreamed about all the romantic moments they'd had, all the close run-ins to something a little further than friendship. She'd remembered how humiliated she was every single time she'd let herself jump to conclusions. And so, as of Wednesday night, Lucy refused to let it happen ever again.

She was in control of her thoughts. She would just stop herself from assuming things—they were strictly friends, and she knew that.

So when it hit her that they were sitting alone, at a cute little restaurant by the harbor with romantic music playing, she shut down any thought or inclination that it could be cute, or sweet, or romantic.

And when they were finally ready to leave, and Natsu helped her out of her seat, she refused to believe it was anything more than a friendly gesture.

And _especially_ when he asked her to walk along the beach with him. She ensured herself it was just friendly—he wanted company and she was the best company around. No biggie.

The stars were bright and the ocean was warm, and they took off their shoes and waded in a little so the water would run over them. They walked along the beach like that, toes in the sand, the glow of the city on their left lighting their path.

And when he held her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers ever so gently, she had to repeat her motto to herself. _You are best friends, you are best friends, you are best friends._ Right. Just best friends. Because holding hands and walking on the beach were perfectly normal best friend dude pal bro things to do.

The moon came out from behind a wispy cloud and lit up the sky with its pale light; the waves reflected its glow. The sound of the waves lulling in and being pulled back out was calming; soft music from a restaurant nearby echoed into the air, enhancing the moment.

They both turned to stare out at the ocean; they stayed like that for a long while, both quiet, both in awe of the spectacular sight before them. The big moon, the endless waves, and the warmth of each other's hands. Their hotel was behind them, lighting a soft glow on the edge of the water.

After several long minutes, Natsu turned to her, his eyebrows stitched together. She could tell something was really bothering him—she had a feeling it had to do with his disappearing act this week. His mouth opened but he stayed quiet for a bit, only speaking after about a minute or two of silence.

"Don't ever leave, okay?" He said, not taking his eyes off of her. "I need you to stay with me."

Lucy blinked, surprised; she looked up at him, eyes concerned. "That's what's been bothering you?" She asked. "You think I'm going to leave?"

Natsu looked down, a little embarrassed. It was hard to see in the dim light, but she thought he was blushing. "Maybe. Sort of. I don't know."

"Natsu," Lucy spoke softly, shaking her head, "I'm never going to leave you. I promise. You never have to worry about that."

The boy seemed a little shaky. Lucy didn't have to think hard to understand—he was just afraid. Always losing the most important people. He was just worried about losing Lucy.

"Luce?"

Her brown eyes flickered up to his face once more; he looked like he had something still bothering him, like he had to say something important.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Lucy's eyes widened; she turned suddenly, looking up at the pink haired boy. He was looking down at her, eyes soft, a tiny little uneven smile on his lips. His hair was messy in the warm breeze. His hand gripped hers a little more tightly, as if he was afraid of her letting go.

Wait—what?

Her heart was racing instantly, like a horse out of the gate. It hammered against her ribs so fast it nearly hurt. Her mind was unsure, searching within itself for some kind of answer. What did he mean by that? Did he mean that in a friendly way? More than friendly? How the hell was she supposed to know?

Was it silly of her to jump to conclusions _now_? I mean, that was a pretty outright confession. But what if he meant it as a friend? Like _Lucy, you're the best. I love you so much_. That wouldn't be that weird. But his face said otherwise, that it meant more…but then again, Lucy never really _could_ read him very well…

Before she could even open her mouth to respond, let alone ask what the hell he meant by such a simple statement, she was interrupted.

" _Woohoo!_ " A voice screeched, rushing past her. A body pushed through Natsu and Lucy, shoving them apart from one another and carrying on past them, wading into the water. "Skinny dipping!"

Lucy frowned, following the new presence, then suddenly regretting it; she covered her eyes, letting out a squack of shock.

Natsu glanced ahead at the person, instantly bursting into laughter at the sight he saw before him.

Gray, butt ass naked, splashing around in the water. He was running forwards, lifting his legs awkwardly in order to wade in faster; his pale ass was practically brighter than the moon in the sky.

Seconds later, another yell. Then another body splashing through Natsu and Lucy.

Lucy made a disgusted noise, appalled. "Gajeel?"

Natsu keeled over, laughing with all of his might. His big hands flew up and covered Lucy's eyes as Gajeel and Gray spun around, dying with laughter. "Might not wanna see that," He managed between snorts. "You'll be scarred."

"I'm already scarred," Lucy mumbled, her own hands coming up and holding Natsu's hands on her face. "Gray's butt is so pasty."

Gray and Gajeel plopped down into the water, swimming around in deep enough water than Natsu uncovered Lucy's eyes.

"Come swim with us!"

Lucy laughed. "Me? Swim with you naked weirdos?" She looked to the boy beside her. "Only if Natsu comes, too."

"I'm in." Natsu replied with a wicked grin.

Lucy closed her eyes, raising a finger. "Okay—one rule, though. Absolutely _no_ skinny dippi—" She was interrupted by fabric hitting her in the face. Her eyes flashed open and she pulled the fabric off of her face.

They were Natsu's shorts, shirt and underwear. Lucy's expression turned to shock and she glanced up, seeing Natsu's bare ass as he waded into the water even further.

"Come on, Luce!" He called behind him, turning his head to give her a classic Natsu smile.

"Okay, I am so _not_ skinny dipping," She mumbled to herself as she waded to the shore, dropping off Natsu's clothes on the sand. "Not with a bunch of boys."

Keeping her clothes completely on, Lucy waded back into the water—far enough that her shorts were untouched and dry. She refused to go any further, simply due to the fact that she was absolutely not skinny dipping and she wasn't wearing a bathing suit beneath her shorts and tank top. The boys didn't push her too hard, instead just paddled around and chatted to her while they goofed off.

Gray and Gajeel swam out a bit further, cracking jokes at one another about who was faster stripping.

Natsu swam up to Lucy, swimming circles around her.

"Don't swim that close to me, you perv! You're naked!"

He laughed. "You're lucky I haven't hugged you yet."

Lucy froze, face going red. Natsu hugging her, his naked body pressed up against her. Why the hell did she have to picture that? She couldn't stop thinking about it. "Don't even think about it."

He smirked, but continued to circle her; it was as if she was gravity, and he was drawn to her. The other two boys continued deeper—not too deep; they stayed within safety parameters—but Natsu stuck close to Lucy.

The moment from before had passed—now, the feeling in the air had a goofy kind of tone behind it. It wasn't the right time to bring up what he'd said. She made a mental note to talk to him about it later.

What had he meant by that? Had Natsu just told her that he loved her? _For real?_ Or was it friendly? Or was he just kidding? She wouldn't put it past him to do that as a joke to someone.

What if he had meant it, and in a romantic way? Would it make things awkward? Would they date? Would they kiss? Would they do…other things?

Wait—did she even feel the same way?

Lucy hesitated on that thought for a second, then let her head drop. There was no point even thinking about it—of course she did. Of course. How could she not?

Did he even want to date her? Did he even want anything like that? This whole situation was just a big mess—so few answers, but no right opportunity to ask them. Stupid Gray and Gajeel, interrupting things.

The group stayed out there for quite a while, the boys swimming around naked and being stupid. When it got pretty late, Lucy covered her eyes while the boys went and tugged their pants on; they all walked back up to the hotel. Gray and Gajeel went to their room, and Lucy and Natsu wandered through the halls until they stumbled upon their own room.

They locked the door behind them, and Lucy went and flopped on the bed, exhausted. It had been a long day—lots of travel, then staying up late.

"Tired?" Natsu said, smirking at her.

Lucy had her face stuffed in the pillows. "You have no idea."

"Well, c'mon—get in." He lifted the blankets while Lucy scrambled beneath them into the bed; he tucked her in.

Before she could say anything, he snatched a pillow off of the bed and chucked it on the floor; he went to the closet and grabbed the extra blanket laying it out.

"What are you doing?" Lucy asked, frowning at him.

His hair was just getting dry, and was spiked up in a million different directions; he just had his shorts on—hadn't even bothered to put back on the underwear and shirt when getting redressed—and looked as cute as ever. A little tired, small little bags under his eyes, an innocent look on his face. He peered down at his makeshift spread. "Making my bed?" He said as though it were a question, as if it were obvious.

Lucy let out a little laugh, sort of at herself. He was making a bed on the floor—he was being very gentlemanly. "Natsu, you don't have to sleep on the floor."

He frowned. "Where else am I gonna sleep?"

Lucy rolled her eyes. Boy, he was dense sometimes. "In the bed."

Natsu crossed his arms, leaning against the desk in the corner; his stomach flexed. Mentally, Lucy lost it. "Luce, I'm not gonna make you sleep on the floor."

Oh my god. "Natsu, I won't sleep on the floor."

His eyebrows stitched together; his brow furrowed in deep concentration. After a few long second, his eyes widened; he gave Lucy a worried look. "You mean…" He blinked at her, not continuing his sentence.

"I mean we both sleep in the bed." Lucy said, watching him carefully.

Natsu hesitated. "Are…are you sure?"

"Natsu, it's not a big deal—we slept together in the tent when we went camping."

"Yeah, but," He began, frowning even further. "This time is…different."

Lucy swallowed heavily. Yeah, it was different. Because he'd said _that_ to her, and she hadn't had the opportunity to respond yet. Or even know if that's what he meant. Things were definitely different. Still, Lucy peeled back the blankets on the right side, revealing the sheets. "Get in."

Natsu nodded, glancing down at his shorts. "These are wet. Gimme a sec. Close your eyes."

Lucy made a face. "Why?"

She discovered the answer to her question in a way she didn't prefer. Natsu tugged his shorts down, revealing his _very_ naked lower half—Lucy squeaked and covered her eyes, glad she only saw the beginnings of the V shaped abdominal muscles. Before she knew it, he'd flicked the lights off and was crawling into bed with her.

Immediately, the bed was warm; his body was so hot it increased the temperature by several degrees.

Natsu awkwardly shuffled himself into the bed, unsure where to place his body. Close to hers? Far away? He decided on the middle of his side, comfortable but clearly leaving a gap between his body and hers.

They were both lying there, facing up, eyes open. They didn't speak for a bit.

Then, Natsu seemed frustrated and muttered, "Ah, fuck it," and flopped over onto his tummy. He cuddled closer to Lucy, wrapped a tanned arm around her midriff; she squeaked as he squeezed her, snuggling up. "That's better."

Simple enough. No need to be awkward if it wasn't necessary.

Besides, Lucy liked when Natsu cuddled up to her.

His skin was searing hot on hers—she was always cold—but it felt… _right_. This felt right. This intimate sort of touch, only for her…from him, it was right.

Outside, warm winds brushed past the trees; the sound was like a quiet hum, calming and nice.

Lucy turned on her side, facing Natsu; he rested his chin on his arm so he could see her properly.

When she spoke, her voice was a whisper. "Did you mean what you said before?"

A long silence, and then his voice. "Yeah."

"About that…" Lucy began, voice soft. She felt his shoulders sink, as though he'd received bad news; she realized how bad it sounded, responding with _about that_. "No—don't be sad. I'm not saying anything. Just…clarifying."

"Oh. Okay. What's up?"

"When you said _that_ —"

He cut her off. "You can say what I said, Luce."

She blushed. "Oh. Right. Well. When you said you…you _loved_ me, did you mean…" She trailed off, wincing at her own awkwardness. "What I mean to say is, do you mean that in a friendship style way, or…." Lucy trailed off again, letting out a shaky breath.

Why was this so hard? It's Natsu.

Without her finishing her sentence, he knew what she meant. He spoke up, voice a little rocky, answering her question. "No," Natsu murmured. "Not friendly."

"Oh." Lucy said. "Okay. Well. That clarifies things, then."

Another long pause; she could feel his breath hit her face. "And?"

"Natsu," She whispered. "Do you even need to ask?"

She could hear him swallow; he seemed nervous. "Answer the question, Luce."

Her heart was hammering; her hands were sweaty.

"I love you, Natsu. And I always will."

Another long silence. This one was much longer than the others. Terrifyingly long.

After several minutes, Lucy reached up and poked him in the cheek. "Are you dead?"

He let out a heavy breath; he'd been holding it in this whole time. "Not quite."

"Well, are you okay?"

When he spoke, she could hear the smile in his voice. "Better than okay. Great. So Great. Never been so great."

Lucy giggled; she cupped his cheeks in her hands. One of her fingers skimmed his earlobe and she jumped back in shock. "Jesus!" She cried, then reached up and grabbed his earlobes. "Your ears are on _fire_."

Natsu sounded defensive. "I was nervous. Shut up."

"I was, too."

He scoffed. "Why were _you_ nervous?"

"Because!" Lucy cried. "Do you know how stressful that is on a girl? Telling her you love her, then not giving her the opportunity to reply? I mean, I know you didn't plan Gray and Gajeel interrupting out there, but you could've turned down their invite to swim so we could chat. I wasn't even sure if you meant for real or just friendship love, I was stressing the whole time. How could I _not_ be nervous? I felt like I was—"

Natsu cut her off, his right hand reaching up and cupping her chin; he tipped himself up, shuffling his body in closer to her. His breath was hot on her face, his body up against hers; her breath cut off in a sudden choke, her heart thumping heavily against her ribs.

His voice was gruff, but happy. The smile was still there, evident in his voice. "Just… _shut up_ , Luce."

And he leaned forwards and pressed his lips against hers, soft as could be. So gentle that Lucy wasn't even convinced that it was real life—he was so soft it could have been a dream. His lips fit perfectly against hers, warm and careful; they melted into one another, bodies falling into a better position. Her hands touched his face and then laced themselves into his hair.

They broke apart from that sweet first kiss and immediately dove back into something that was a little bit _more_. Nothing too risqué—Lucy wasn't about to forget all of her morals—but something a bit hotter rather than gentle and sweet. Natsu's big hands worked their way down to her waist, and she tightened her grip in his hair.

When they fell apart, they were both gasping for air. They hadn't been going at it hard, but the ferocity of each of their heartbeats contributed to the lack of breath. Natsu nudged his forehead against hers, reaching down and grabbing her hand.

Lucy cuddled close to him, letting out a sigh.

She had never been so happy in her entire life.


	22. Chapter 22

Lucy glared at herself in the mirror, a frown washing over her features. She did a little spin, letting out an unhappy sigh. She'd locked herself in the bathroom for over half an hour, trying on the new bathing suits she'd received the previous day. When she'd purchased them, she had been over the moon; now, in the bathroom, preparing to go swimming, her opinion of them was a bit less enthusiastic.

When she wore them, all she noticed was the lumpy scars covering every inch of her flesh. Her thighs, her stomach, her shoulders—everything was absolutely plastered in scars, rough and bumpy. How ugly.

When she had woken up, she'd found Natsu snuggled right up beside her. At first glance, it kind of melted her heart—the night before was sort of her dream come true—until she realized that he was absolutely butt ass naked. She'd smacked him, shouting at him that it was super creepy to be sleeping naked already; he groaned, muttering that he _had_ been wearing underwear, but the tropical heat had made him strip in the middle of the night. They chatted for a bit— _after_ Natsu pulled on some boxers—and had some hotel room coffee. Then, Natsu had asked if they could go swimming. Which lead to Lucy going to the bathroom to change into her bikini.

Which lead to her locking the door and glaring at herself for thirty six minutes.

Lucy let out a groan. Why did she have to cut herself? Why did Erza have to influence her into buying only bikinis, and not a single one-piece bathing suit?

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

Lucy gasped, glad she'd locked it. "Uh, occupado."

Natsu's confused voice spoke, muffled by the door. "You alright, Luce? You've been in there a while."

She blushed, hanging her head in shame. "I'm fine."

There was a pause. "Are you…" She could hear him hesitate, "Are you having…tummy issues?"

Lucy's eyes snapped open. "What? No!"

So this whole time Natsu had thought Lucy was in her shitting. _Great_. She didn't know which was worse: her ugly scars being shown in a bikini, or the fact that Natsu thought Lucy had been pooping for nearly forty minutes.

Her response seemed to ease him; he was less awkward, now. He must have been nervous, trying to broach the subject of a girl's poop. "Oh. Alright. What's wrong, then?"

"…Nothing."

"You sure?"

Lucy hauled herself onto the countertop, sitting, legs dangling off of the side. "I'm having…confidence issues."

She could practically see him make a face. "Confidence issues?" He snorted. " _Why?_ "

"Look, it's not a big deal, I just don't think I can go swimming anymore, and…" Lucy trailed off, sighing.

Another long silence. When he spoke, he was timid again. "Did you…get your period?"

" _What?_ " Lucy snapped. "No! I said it was confidence issues!"

Lucy could hear Natsu slump against the door, leaning his head back against the wood. "Well, I thought maybe you were _confident_ that you were all bloody, or somethin'."

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah, an idiot who wants to go swimming. Hurry up." His voice was whiny, anxious. He'd been caged up in this hotel room for far too long.

Lucy looked back in the mirror, every single cut and scar on her skin making her self-loathing intensify tenfold. She sighed. "Natsu…" She began, "Look—I'm opening the door, okay? Come in here."

He sounded confused, but agreed. "Okay…?"

Lucy stepped forward, unlocking the door and turning the knob; she took a step back, eyes immediately cast downward, looking at the floor. She'd never been so ashamed before in her life.

In fact, this was probably the first time she was _ever_ ashamed of her scars. Her whole life, she'd never been upset about it. She'd _wanted_ them. They were part of her, part of her struggle. A reminder of what her life was. But now, they were a burden. A reminder of her old life, what she didn't want to be a part of anymore.

She didn't want to cut. She didn't want the scars. In this moment, she wished she'd never cut herself once. That thought surprised her.

Natsu stepped into the room, hair a spiky mess. He was still only wearing his boxers; in the dim, golden light of the bathroom, he looked incredibly tanned.

There was a couple seconds of silence before Natsu mumbled, "So, what's the problem?"

Lucy's head snapped up and she frowned at him. " _Natsu_." She gestured toward her body, all mangled and destroyed. Ugly. "Look at me. Look at my thighs…"

Natsu's dark eyes flickered down to her thighs. "What's wrong with 'em?"

Lucy sighed. "They're ugly, Natsu."

He crossed his arms. "That's stupid. They're not ugly."

Lucy's finger daintily touched her thigh, rubbing over an old, lumpy scar. "I'm covered in scars, Natsu. I….I can't go out like this."

Natsu stepped forward. "I think you look hot."

Lucy's eyes met his. "You do?"

"Smokin'!"

She blushed, shaking her head. "You're obligated to say that."

He took another step forward and grabbed her hand. "You look _good_ , Luce. Don't even worry about the scars. Who cares?"

Lucy's eyes dropped. "I care. It's just…they're ugly."

Natsu brought her hand to his stomach, rubbing it against his skin. She could feel the lump of his scar—the one she'd first noticed when they were in the same tent, out camping with the group—and the way it wound around his stomach. It looked like a flame, like fire burning up from his hipbone to just below his pecks. "Everyone's got scars. Some are just more visible. But no one cares, alright? No one's going to even glance at them. You're all worried about nothing."

Lucy looked down at Natsu's stomach, her eyes raking over his scar. It was pretty faded—after all, his accident _was_ quite a while ago—and just looked like pale lines over his tanned skin. Still, the way it recreated the image of a flame…Lucy could imagine how hard it was for Natsu to look at himself. Every time he did, how many memories came flying back? How many times did he relive he death of his loved ones when he felt the lump scar, or looked in the mirror?

He was right. She was being silly about this. Her scars didn't matter. Even if people looked, who cared?

"Thank you." Lucy whispered, grateful.

"For what?"

"For making me feel better, silly. And for thinking I look good, even like this. And thank you for not saying something stupid like 'your scars are beautiful'. Because they're not. I know they're not. But they don't _matter_ anymore. You're right. Thank you."

Natsu shrugged. "No problemo. You ready to swim?"

Lucy gave herself another glance in the mirror. "You bet."

Natsu went and tugged on some shorts and they made their way down to the water. On their way, they passed by the lounge in the hotel; nearly everyone was down there, eating breakfast. They called Lucy and Natsu over to eat, but they said they wanted to have a quick dip first, but that they'd be back fairly soon.

It was hot out already; the sun was beaming down on the pair. The water was temperate and soothing and Lucy slipped into the water with ease. Natsu came splashing in after her, chucking the water around as he belly flopped right beside the girl. Water splashed all over her and she nearly drowned; she coughed up water for a couple seconds.

Once Natsu settled down, they swam around for a bit. Natsu pointed out every little fish he saw in the water, and they tried to catch one; they failed to do so, but they had fun while trying.

They started to play around, flicking water at one another, until it turned into an all-out brawl; Natsu turned it into a full out wrestle match when he snaked his arms around her waist and tombstoned her into the water. Lucy screamed, coughing up mouthfuls of water once she rose back to the surface.

Natsu laughed, patting her back, helping her choke out some more water. She grumbled under her breath about how mean he was.

This whole time, Lucy wondered about last night. They'd kissed. Said they loved each other. But today…he hadn't mentioned a single thing about it. He wasn't acting differently at all. Just…typical Natsu. She'd been waiting for something to come up, him mentioning anything about it all, but alas… _nothing_.

So now, as she sat there trying to get the water out of her nose, she decided to bring it up.

"Hey," Lucy began softly. "About last night…"

Natsu's expression sobered up quickly; he turned to her, giving her his full attention. He didn't say anything, but he lifted his eyebrows to continue her on.

"I, um…"Lucy trailed off, unsure. "I just wanted to ask…did you still _mean_ what you said, or was that just like an impulsive thing? Because I actually really liked it and I don't want to get super clingy or whatever if you just sort of did it, but if you meant it then, well, I guess—"

Natsu smirked. "I meant it."

Lucy blinked. "You…meant it."

"Yup."

"So, not impulsive, then."

"Definitely not impulsive. I've been planning that for a week."

"Well, alright…"Lucy whispered, heart pounding. That was good news. Very good news. He meant it. "So, you like me, then?"

Natsu watched her, eyes completely fixed on her face. "'Course."

"And, I like you…"

That made Natsu's smile grow. "Cool."

Lucy made a face. "Do we tell anyone?"

Natsu frowned. "Up to you."

"Well, we _could_. We're allowed to be involved at the facility, right? They won't separate us or anything?"

Natsu shrugged. "I can't imagine Juvia would do that, but if another employee reported it or something…who knows?"

"Alright. And if we tell our friends…"

Natsu made a face. "Gajeel will never shut up about it."

Lucy shivered. "And Erza will lose her mind."

They looked at one another; Natsu cocked his head to the side. Clearly, he was willing to do whatever Lucy was comfortable with; if she didn't want anyone to know, he wouldn't say a word. She was all that mattered to him.

"Maybe we should keep it quiet, for a while," Lucy offered, "Just until we figure things out. I mean, we don't even know what's going on ourselves, right? We like each other, we told one another…"

"We kissed," Natsu interjected.

"We kissed, right. But we don't know yet. No labels, so far. So, let's just keep it to ourselves, for now. Sound okay?"

Natsu nodded. "Sounds fine to me. Except there's one thing I gotta ask."

"Sure," Lucy nodded. "What is it?"

Natsu's hands reached out, grabbing Lucy's waist and pulling her body against his. His breath fanned on her face, and she blushed; Natsu smirked, pleased with this reaction. "Can I kiss you again?"

Lucy went completely red, looking down at the water shyly. "Do you even _need_ to ask?"

Natsu laughed, then bent down and pressed his lips against Lucy's; he was soft and gentle, careful not to go overboard or do anything beyond what Lucy would allow. His hands held her to him, but he was careful not to let them drift down too far. He was trying extra hard to be respectful, a real gentleman, and it only made Lucy's heart melt faster.

Afraid someone might see, they broke apart fairly quickly. Lucy chastised him, saying that kissing in public wasn't exactly _secretive_ like they'd just agreed on being, but Natsu didn't care; he kissed her again. Lucy blushed and swam away, headed towards the shore, saying she was hungry.

The duo went and sat down in the lounge with everyone else at a long table and ordered some food. Everyone was chatting and happy, asking about their swim and how the weather was looking. Lucy and Natsu replied, hoping no one would pick up on the different tension between them. The food came and Natsu stuffed his face, while Lucy ate her meal gingerly. Everyone joked about how Gray and Gajeel's skinny dipping activities last night. It was a happy time.

Lucy hoped no one noticed her left hand rested on Natsu's knee; Natsu hoped no one noticed the absolute love and adoration in his eyes when he looked at Lucy.

Erza, Gajeel and Gray already knew Natsu had been working himself up to tell Lucy about his feelings, so they assumed it had something to do with that. They already noticed the way Natsu looked at Lucy; they already knew about the way Lucy constantly looked over at Natsu, just to make sure he was okay.

So basically, it was already clear to everyone in the group that the two were desperately in love.


	23. Chapter 23

Lucy sat back in the sand, brown eyes peering at all of her hard work so far. She'd been working on this for hours—ever since everyone came out to the beach after breakfast—and she fully intended to complete it.

Since she'd never been to the beach before, Lucy wanted to maximize her beach day fun as much as possible. So, she set out to do something she'd only ever seen in movies: make a sandcastle. Being the typical nerd she was, she set out to do something absolutely spectacular; she wasn't gonna waste her time and build a lame little thing. She wanted it to be _magnificent_.

At first, Natsu grudgingly came along with her, grumbling about how boring building a sandcastle was. Still, he went to the beach shack a little ways down the shore and brought back a couple buckets for Lucy. When she ordered him to go fill the buckets, he obeyed. When he returned and Lucy mentioned that she needed _wet_ sand, not _dry_ sand, Natsu grumbled under his breath once again, dumped all of the sand out, and headed back towards the shore.

After a while, Lucy set him free. Everyone was playing pass with a football in the water and she could tell Natsu was itching to join them; she sighed, told him to go have fun, and that she'd catch up as soon as she was finished. Besides, how long could it take? It was just a sandcastle.

Of course, when Lucy was nowhere close to being finished her magnificent castle four hours later, she'd begun to regret this entire endeavor. Everyone else was splashing around in the water having fun, and she was stuck on the hot beach, sweaty and grimy, covered in sand.

Still, she pushed on, refusing to give up. This was her goal, after all, and she absolutely refused to lose. Maybe it was because she'd never been to the beach and didn't want to miss a great opportunity. Or maybe it was because she was a stubborn bitch. Either or.

She filled bucket after bucket with went sand, hauling it back to her workstation and unloading it. By the time she'd finished building the body of the castle, she'd filled and unloaded probably 100 bucket loads; the castle was absolutely huge. Lucy let out a sigh, plopping herself down on the sand, preparing herself for the next phase of work.

Lucy grabbed a butter knife she'd snatched from her hotel room and began to carve into the large blocks of sand. Luckily, she was pretty creative and artsy, so this wasn't too hard for her—but it _was_ a painstakingly slow process. Each big, heavy block had to be carved to perfection. The blocks down below were simply fortitude, but as she got higher up, she began to carve them into pointed towers.

Once she'd completed building the overall body, Lucy began to add details. Windows, doors. A large drawbridge that was lowered down and a gate on the main entrance. She notched in little tiny lines all over the entire castle—this alone took her an hour and a half—so that it looked like it were made of tiny bricks.

After that, Lucy began to dig a moat around her castle; she went back to the beach shack and asked if they had any plastic tarp left over from shipments. The man gave her some, mentioning it came in with a shipment of icecream, and Lucy happily made her way back to her workstation.

She laid the tarp down into the moat, cutting it so it didn't stick out. Then, she worked on filling buckets with water, hauling them back to her castle and pouring it in the moat. The tarp prevented the water from draining back into the sand, so it stayed in the moat and looked nice.

Lucy, sweaty and hot, sat back and gave her castle a once over. Beyond the castle, she could see everyone—even Juvia!—playing in the water, splashing around. Everyone was laughing, smiling. It made Lucy happy, seeing all her friends enjoying themselves.

Turning her attention back to the castle, Lucy realized it was missing something. She took her knife, carving in a little princess peeking out of a window on the tallest tower. Lucy then went to the shore, filled one last bucket with wet sand, and hauled it back to her masterpiece. She laid one large slab down, molding it on top of one of the towers; she carved it into a fierce dragon. Then, she put a much smaller slab of wet sand on the drawbridge of the castle, carving it into a little prince with a sword.

Utterly exhausted and going a little bit stir crazy, Lucy stood back, eyeing all of the work she'd accomplished over the course of several hours. She gave the castle an insane smile, glad it was over.

"Everyone!" Lucy cried, waving her arms around. "Everyone, look at my castle! I did it! I finished it!"

The group in the water turned to look at her, giving her a roaring round of applause; Natsu gave a loud _whoop_ , which echoed along the entire beach. Pleased with that response, Lucy sat back, grinning at her accomplishment.

"Lucy!" Juvia cried. "If you want to take a picture, my camera is in my bag!"

Lucy gave a wave. "Sounds good. Thanks!"

The gang went back to throwing their football around; each time it was passed, the boys would throw it even further, making the receiver dive for it. It was funny, seeing them splash into the water, arms outstretched for the ball. Even Juvia was laughing along with them.

Lucy made her way over to Juvia's beach bag and found the camera; she wrapped the strap around her neck and made her way to her castle. Lucy had to face her back to the water to get a good shot of the entrance, so the dragon sitting on top was super visible. She focused the camera, smile on her lips.

But before she could press her finger down to take the photo, something interrupted her.

At first, it was a quick shout. "Heads up!"

Then, a millisecond later, a football came screaming into view directly in front of her. It was like slow motion: the football, spiralling towards the dragon perched atop the castle. Lucy's hands reaching out, as if she could save her masterpiece.

Lucy began to shout, "No!" But was yet again, severely interrupted.

This time, by another body slamming into her. A warm body. Lucy was sent flying forwards, side aching with pain due to the ferocity she was hit with; she tripped over the sand, and fell forwards, falling directly into the entrance of her castle. The sand fell and the castle collapsed around her; the princess in the tallest tower disintegrated as the castle toppled in upon itself.

And then, the body that had slammed into her fell on top of her, absolutely crushing whatever was left of the beautiful castle.

Lucy laid there for a bit, head now slammed into the sand thanks to whoever had fallen on top of her. She had a mouth full of sand, was overheating and quite honestly, was heartbroken thanks to the horrible destruction of her _freshly built_ one-of-a-kind masterpiece. All that effort, all that work… _gone_.

The person on top of her hopped off, then spoke. The voice was familiar, but muffled since Lucy's face was still face-down in the sand.

"Jesus, Luce! I'm so sorry!"

Lucy pushed herself up, spitting out the clumps of sand in her mouth. She peered up; a guilty looking Natsu was looking down at her. Lucy let out a sigh, glancing around at the now flattened castle.

He looked like a dog who had just done something bad. "I was just diving for the ball, I didn't mean to kill your castle!"

Of course he hadn't meant to. Natsu would never do something that mean on purpose. So, Lucy didn't get mad or hold it against him. She was sure it was an accident. But she was still fairly heartbroken—and hurt. Natsu had definitely bruised her hip and some ribs when he slammed into her. "It's alright, Natsu, I know it was an accident."

Natsu made a face. "Aw, don't do that," He murmured, falling to his knees beside the blonde. "Don't be nice to me right now. Yell at me or somethin'."

Lucy shrugged, barely able to conjure up a smile. She was so tired, so achy, so _exhausted_ for doing all that work for nothing. "I can't."

"I didn't mean to Luce, I promise."

"I know, Natsu. It's okay."

"It's not okay! I killed your castle."

Lucy looked down at the camera around her neck; she checked to make sure it was still all in one piece. She blew sand off of it. "I didn't even get a picture."

Natsu's shoulder's slumped. "I'm sorry…"

Erza and Juvia walked up, both clearly concerned. "You okay, Lucy? He hit you pretty hard."

Lucy nodded. "A little sore, but otherwise I'm fine."

Juvia gave Lucy a smile. "Listen, Erza and I were wondering if you'd like to come to the spa with us. Just us three girls. It'll give us a break from the boys, and you can get a massage to help the pain."

Lucy made a face. "Oh. I don't know…" She was so tired, all she could think of was taking a nap.

Erza smiled. "Come on, Lucy! It'll be fun. Massage, mud baths, facials, girl talk. Let's go. We'll be back for dinner."

Juvia chimed in, "It'll be _funnnn_!"

Lucy sighed. "Alright, alright. I'll go."

"Yay!"

Lucy pulled herself to her feet, dusting the sand off of her legs.

"Wait, Luce!" Natsu said, grabbing her hand before she could follow behind the two other girls. "Don't go—not when you're mad at me."

"Natsu," Lucy's eyes softened, "I'm not mad at you. I promise. Just disappointed, is all."

He didn't let go of her hand. "I'm sorry, really."

"I forgive you. I'll be back okay? Don't get into too much trouble with the boys."

Natsu gave her a nod, although his expression was still awfully down when she gave him one last glance before she ran to join up with Juvia and Erza.

They walked down a couple of streets—slowly, thanks to Lucy's fresh injury—until they came across a cute little shop that labelled itself the _Beachside Spa_. A bell jingled as they entered and they were greeted very suddenly by a woman with a large smile; she ushered the three girls to a room in the back, and gave them each a robe.

They all changed, ditching their wet and sweaty clothes for soft, luxurious robes; together, they looked at the selection of spa and beauty treatments, picking which ones they wanted.

Together, they all opted for a mud bath. The woman came back to the room and lead them towards the baths; once they arrived, three bathtubs were already drawn, filled to the brink with thick, brown mud.

"I've never done this before," Lucy revealed once the employee vanished, back to the front of the store to help another customer. Lucy lowered herself into the mud bath, letting out a squeal as the goo enveloped her body. "What's the point?"

"It's good for your skin," Erza said, "And very relaxing. You're supposed to put some on your face, too. Apparently, it magnifies your beauty."

All three of the girls shrugged, slapping some of the mud onto their faces, careful not to touch their pulled back hair. They soaked in the mud bath for a long while, chatting about the facility and how things were going.

Lucy found that things like this weren't awkward, not with Juvia. She was young enough that she fit in well with the teenagers; she could relate to them and talk to them on a personal level, not just a professional counsellor to client sort of way.

After about forty minutes, the employee returned, telling the girls that it was time to shower off. They hopped out of the mud baths and were lead to another room, one that had showers on the walls; they washed themselves off with warm water, and were lead to their next treatment.

They had all chosen a sea salt scrub and oil essence massage as the next treatment. The girls were herded to a room with three employees in it; they were then lathered up and scrubbed down with a sea salt mix—it was a great exfoliator—and then washed off. After that, the employees rubbed beautiful smelling oils into their skin, and gave them a massage. Lucy's worker was careful not to hurt her now bruised left side, but carefully worked the spot so it wasn't as stiff.

Lucy fell asleep during the massage; when she awoke, she realized Erza and Juvia were talking about Natsu.

"Eh—I'm sure he'll manage. He's an idiot, but he's capable."

Juvia laughed. "You think he's done it, yet?"

"I don't think so," Erza replied, "I think he's too much of a wimp. He'll wait until the very last day here."

Lucy blinked, pulling herself out of her lull. "Who?"

"Oh!" Juvia mumbled. "Well—we were talking about Natsu."

"Oh, what about him?"

Erza came up with something quickly. "Whether he'll jump off the harbour or not." She paused. "Lucy, can I ask you something?"

The employee was still massaging her back, rubbing the lavender oil into her pale skin. It felt nice. "Mmmm," Lucy murmured as the masseuse rubbed her shoulders, "Sure, ask away."

"Are you and Natsu official, yet?"

Lucy's eyes widened and she swallowed, anxious. She was a terrible liar—and her and Natsu had agreed not to tell anyone about anything yet.

Wait. She didn't _have_ to lie. Erza asked if they were _official_ not if they'd kissed or anything. Silly Lucy, always getting ahead of herself.

"No," Lucy responded, proud of herself for finding a way out of a lie.

"Have you kissed?"

 _Damn it!_

"Uhh, well—I mean, _no_." God, she was a terrible liar. Erza would be able to see right through that.

Much to Lucy's surprise, Erza just nodded. "Ah. I didn't mean to pry. I was just wondering."

Lucy's throat felt thick. "Oh. Well. Nope. Not us. No. Not at all. Not ever. No. _No_ , no, no." Lucy took a small breath. "No."

 _Shut up, Lucy!_

Juvia asked a question next. "Do you think you guys will end up being anything?"

Lucy frowned at that. Well, did she? And sure, they'd kissed. Twice now. And he'd slept naked in her bed. And they told each other everything, opening up completely. But did she think they were going to end up _being anything?_

Lucy liked to think they would. But did Natsu even want them to? He'd said he loved her and he'd kissed her and he'd said she was beautiful despite all of the ugly remains of her past hatred all over her body, but did he want to date her? Did he want that? Lucy wasn't sure.

Did _she_ want that?

Well, no hesitation there. Of course. For Natsu to be her boyfriend…well, Lucy would be over the moon. But she didn't know how to get there. How do you transition from best friends to something more? How do you bring up the ' _what are we_ ' talk without sounding like a clingy bitch?

"I'm not sure," Lucy said, frowning, now. "I'm not sure Natsu would want that."

Erza scoffed. "Don't be silly!"

Juvia laughed, too. "Yeah, really, Lucy. No need to worry about that one."

Lucy made a face. "What do you mean?"

"The boy is in love with you," Juvia said, shaking her head a little. "Why wouldn't he want to date you?"

"Wait, wait, wait—how do you know that?"

Juvia sighed. "I'm his counsellor. I know everything."

Erza nodded. "He's quite fond of you."

"Yeah, fond enough to break all of my ribs an hour ago," Lucy whimpered, cringing as the masseuse began to prod at her sore spots.

"Love bruises."

"Shut up, Erza," Lucy grumbled, returning to the original topic. " _Anyways_ —I just don't know what he wants. We just make such great friends, so…"

"So you do like him!" Juvia grinned. "Wait till Gajeel hears this."

"Tell him what you want," Erza offered. "Take charge. Show him."

Lucy blushed at the idea. "And how do I do that, exactly?"

Erza shrugged. "Grab him and kiss him, or something. I don't know. You know him better than I do."

Lucy began to imagine it, her taking charge of Natsu. Her walking up to him and kissing him, roughly. Her pushing him down on the bed and making out. Her dominating _him_. The idea was alluring; she stored it in her brain. Maybe someday down the road.

For now, she just needed to get all of this information sorted out. She needed to weigh the pros and cons, see what was best and what wasn't so good. Was dating a possibility? Did he want to date? Would it be a good idea? Would it go south fast?

Lucy needed to talk to Natsu about this. That was the only way anything could be resolved—no more of this wondering and hoping bullshit. She had to be upfront. Ask him, and receive his answer. She wasn't about to waste her own time.

Lucy sighed. "Love is a mess."

The girls finished their massages and went on to their last beauty treatment of the day: a coconut milk bath.

The girls were lead to a chamber—it looked like a swimming pool, almost, but the lights were dim and it was coconut milk instead of water—and told to strip and get in the water. The coconut milk was warmed and the entire place was steamy; it felt great on their skin.

"Apparently, this is supposed to make you look really beautiful," Juvia said. "Great for your skin, but makes your hair look fabulous."

They swam around in the warm milk for quite a while, letting it nourish their tired, naked bodies. They stayed there for about an hour, chatting about the boys and their stupid shenanigans until an employee came and notified them that it was approximately dinner time.

The girls grabbed towels and dried off, and put their robes back on; they were lead back to the first room to find their clothes cleaned and dried. They put them back on and paid at the main desk, and then returned to the hotel.

Before they could hit the beach, they were bombarded with the boys.

"We jumped off of the docks at the harbour!" Gray explained excitedly, hair still wet from the excursion. "It was great."

"And we went snorkelling!"

"And we found out there is this water park down the cove a bit—there's water-slides. Can we go there tomorrow, Juvia?" Laxus asked.

"Yeah!" Gajeel cried. "Can we?"

Juvia sighed. "Alright. Sounds fun. But only if the girls want to."

Gray turned to Erza. "Please?"

"I'm in. Lucy?"

Lucy nodded, but there was a frown on her face. "Sure, but…if you don't mind me asking, where's Natsu?" Out of all of the boys before her, Natsu was the only one in the group missing.

"Oh, uh…" Gajeel began. "He went to the bathroom."

"Is he okay?" Lucy asked, concerned.

"Yeah. Totally fine. Probably just had to take a massive dump," Loke spoke.

"Yeah," Laxus agreed.

"Can we eat, yet?" Gajeel asked. "I'm starving over here."

"Sure," Juvia said, and the gang began the short walk back to the hotel.

For some reason, the boys seemed to usher the girls towards the main entrance, the one on the opposite side of their rooms. They hurried the girls to the lounge, where they ordered food awfully quickly and took a disgustingly long time to eat their meals.

Something was extremely suspicious, and Lucy wasn't the only one aware of it.

"They're up to something," Erza whispered very quietly in Lucy's ear while the boys weren't looking. "I'll distract them, and you go to the back. See what they are hiding."

"Gotcha," Lucy whispered back, giving the redhead a nod.

Waiters were carrying out dessert when Erza decided to create her distraction; as the waiter was setting Erza's slice of cake in front of her, Erza stepped on Gray's foot.

"Ouch!" He cried, arms flailing. His elbow hit the waiter, sending the cake flying. "Oh, shit!"

The cake flew in the air, landing face down on the carpet, absolutely squashed.

Erza gave Lucy a wink, and then turned to Gray, face furious. "My cake!"

"Aah!" Gray screamed, stumbling out of his chair to run away; Erza caught his shirt and tugged him back, hands balled into fists already.

Lucy took this as her window of opportunity and snuck off, out of the lounge. She took the long corridor down to the back of the hotel, towards the end facing the water; when she pushed open the large doors, she was astounded as to what she saw in the far distance.

A beautiful sunset was flickering into the sky above; palm trees framed a sky of pinks and purples, fading into a deep blue right above the horizon. The sand was creamy white and smooth, beautiful against the dark blue of the water. And right there, right close to the water was a silhouette, working hard.

Lucy stepped forward, unsure of what her eyes were seeing. It was dim out, thanks to the sunset, and her eyes hadn't adjusted from the bright fluorescents of the indoors. She walked forwards until she realized what her eyes were resting upon.

Natsu, covered in sand and sweat, building a sandcastle even bigger and more beautiful than the one Lucy had built that day. It was absolutely huge and had even more details in it—several dragons perched on the peaks of the towers, an even bigger moat and landscape surrounding it.

"Natsu…." Lucy whispered as she walked up to him, jaw going slack in shock.

"Lucy!" Natsu cried, lips splitting into a heart-stopping grin. "I'm just about finished. Hold on a sec. Close your eyes."

Lucy slammed her eyes shut obediently, waiting a few minutes, listening to him work. After a couple seconds, he said it was okay, and she looked at the castle again.

"See?" He said, that same smile still on his lips. Sand and clay were smeared across his face. "Right up here, in the castle—it's you. And down here, fighting the dragon. That's me."

Lucy blushed, smiling at all the work he'd done. "You're coming to save me?"

Natsu snorted. "Save you? Nah. See, you've got your own sword—right there. You don't need me to save you. I'm just going to keep you company while you save the world."

Lucy laughed, face going red and heart going soft. "You did all of this…for me?"

"I felt pretty bad breaking down yours, so I figured I'd recreate it. Then the boys said I should make it even more special, so. Here ya go." Natsu paused, frowning at the hotel. "They said they'd keep you occupied for another hour. Guess they failed."

"I snuck off. Had to look for you." Lucy grinned. "Natsu…this is…this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

The pink haired boy shrugged. "Couldn't leave you all sad like that—had to make it up to you."

Lucy shook her head, laughing softly. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Natsu stepped forward, grabbing Lucy's hand. "How was the spa?"

"Shut up," Lucy muttered, leaping forwards and pressing her lips against his.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly as she kissed him. He was surprised, but kissed her back softly once he'd realized what was going on; his hands snaked around her waist, holding her carefully.

He pulled back, hesitant. "What if someone sees?"

"I don't care," Lucy said, leaning forward and kissing him.

"What happened to keeping it just between us?" Natsu asked, laughing at her.

At this point in time, Lucy didn't care if anyone saw. She didn't care if her and Natsu didn't have anything figured out. She didn't care if they had a label or not. It didn't matter. He was hers, and she was his, and he'd made her a freakin' sandcastle the size of mars just so she wasn't sad all day. He'd wasted his entire day on a tropical paradise making her a sandcastle while she was at the spa.

Lucy stood up on her tip-toes, smiling as she kissed his cheek. "I love you."

His heart burst in his chest and for the first time since the fire so long ago, Natsu thought he was being engulfed in flames. Except these flames didn't hurt—they felt good. Hearing her say that, hearing Lucy say those words…it made his heart swell to the point that it felt like shattering. She meant it. He could tell she meant it.

He was in love with Lucy, and she was in love with him.

And god, he was so fucking afraid. So afraid he could puke. Except that he was on fire but it felt good, and Lucy was here, and everything was so perfect he couldn't have even imagined it like this.

So he ignored the fear in the pit of his stomach and he kissed the girl and he didn't worry about a single fucking thing.

When she grabbed his hand and lead him up to their hotel room, he didn't fucking care. When she sat him on the bed and kissed him, he didn't care. When she pushed him back and straddled him, he didn't care.

He was so happy. So overjoyed. Nothing even mattered.

Except he realized a second too late that he hadn't locked their hotel room door.

The door swung open and the whole gang—Gajeel first, Erza a close second—walked into the room and caught a glimpse of what was going on. There were gasps, shouting, sounds of exasperation.

Natsu and Lucy froze, turning to look at all of their friends.

She was on top of him, legs straddled on either side; his hands had roamed a little lower than their usual place on her waist, and now found themselves gingerly placed on her bottom. Luckily, they were both fully clothed—they wouldn't have let it go that far, not this early.

Still, thoroughly embarrassing.

"Gah!" Lucy cried as Natsu grabbed her waist and flipped her off of him; she tumbled onto the bed, hair all over the place.

Natsu stood up, face red, heart beating. "We weren't, uh, doing anything."

The group was incredibly quiet, totally shocked until Gajeel stepped forward. He stepped up to Natsu, face stern, expression totally serious; they glared at each other for a long moment. And then, Gajeel's expression crumbled into a huge grin, and his big hand patted Natsu's shoulder.

"Didn't think you had it in ya, Pinkie!" He peeked around Natsu to look at Lucy on the bed. "Congrats! Best wishes to you both! When's the wedding?"

Lucy groaned, stuffing her face in her pillow.

Erza seemed pleased as well. "I'm proud of you, Natsu. Did you take my advice? Was it a picnic?"

He narrowed his eyes. "No."

Gray piped up. "Was it my idea? Did you just say it?"

"No, idiot."

Gajeel gave Natsu a knowing look. "Was it romantic, like _I_ suggested?"

Natsu hesitated. "Uh…yeah."

"Fuck yes!" Gajeel shouted. "I'm the champ!"

"Get out!" Lucy snapped, face red. "You're all idiots."

Natsu began to push the group of teenagers out of the hotel room, ignoring their shouts about being best man at their wedding. He shoved Gajeel out, slamming the door once everyone was gone; Natsu locked it behind him, letting out a heavy breath once he'd completed the job.

"Well, that was thoroughly embarrassing," Lucy grumbled, ducking under the blankets, hiding herself away.

"Eh, don't worry about it," Natsu murmured, hopping on the bed and sprawling out. It was hot, so he tugged off his shirt and shorts, donning just his boxers. "They're just playing around."

"Your hand was on my _ass_ , Natsu. They saw that."

He snorted. "Did you see how red Laxus got?"

"Shut up."

Natsu lifted the blankets, revealing Lucy all rolled up into a ball. "Don't be grumpy—you're the one who hopped on me."

"You're the perv who groped my ass!"

"You're the one who _let_ me grope your ass."

"I know." Lucy whimpered, ashamed. "I'm naughty."

Natsu laughed, hopping under the blankets with her; he snuggled up to her, pressing a quick peck on her cheek before nuzzling his head into her boobs.

Lucy smiled down at him, petting his hair. "Perv," She whispered, but with a smile on her lips.

They talked for a while—after all, it was only around dinner time—until Natsu got hungry; Lucy ordered him some room service. He hounded the food down faster than she thought possible, and they stayed up late, watching some sappy romantic comedy on the television.

Lucy knew every word and tried to make Natsu like the sappiness of it; he was grumpy through the whole thing, but still got a little misty at the very end of it. Lucy bugged him about it; Natsu denied everything.

Lucy thought about bringing up the question that had been bothering her all day—were they going anywhere? Were they anything? Just friends? More than friends? Just fooling around? Dating? But chose against it. Things were so peaceful right now, just the two of them like this, it felt wrong to disrupt it with a question like that.

Lucy realized she liked being with Natsu like this, watching movies, kissing him whenever she wanted. He was still her best friend, but now…it was more. He was her best friend and they kissed and she could feel how much he loved her radiating out of every glance he gave her.

Lucy had never once felt beautiful, not until she saw the way Natsu looked at her. She had never once felt needed, not until she felt how much Natsu needed her. Lucy had never felt like she was good enough—but here, with Natsu, watching movies and goofing off, she felt…perfect.

Lucy had found her place. And it was right there, with Natsu. Wherever she went, she wanted him there. Not to save her, not to protect her, but just like he'd said out by the castle…to keep her company while she conquered the world.


	24. Chapter 24

Lucy glanced up, stomach feeling as if it were filled with lead. Rollercoasters loomed above her, twisting and twirling, passengers shouting out in fear; to her left, more atrocious mechanical rides swung and dove, children laughing with glee. To her right, the merry-go-round—the only ride she considered herself willing to test out.

People walked by, cotton candy in hand; children were giggling, balloons knotted around their wrists. On the far side, far out of eyesight from Lucy's current location were games; carnies offered people the chance to take home massive teddy bears and stuffed toys. The place was filled with various delicious aromas—candy apples, cotton candy, mini-donuts, hot dogs, pretzels.

Erza, who was beside Lucy, tensed up. "Donuts," she whispered, voice barely audible over the carnival music.

Lucy sighed, afraid. It had been the boys' idea to come—they'd managed to convince Juvia to take the group after several hours of groveling and begging. It was on the far side of the island, an hour walk or half hour drive away from the hotel; they'd taken a bus to arrive.

Everyone except Lucy seemed absolutely overjoyed.

"There's some rides by the water—they're like water rollercoasters," Gray said, telling Juvia excitedly. "They splash you. That's why I only wore my swim trunks."

Erza narrowed her eyes. "Just another excuse to strip, pervert."

"Lay off," He snarled back, turning his attention to the bright lights of the majestic sight before him.

And, it was majestic. Lucy couldn't lie about that. The lights were beautiful and colorful, and the music was cheerful and happy, but the underlying fear in her gut seemed to tarnish it slightly. Lucy had never been on a rollercoaster before, but she had an inkling she wasn't really the 'coaster _type_ , considering how spinning in a circle for ten seconds was enough to make her throw up.

Natsu made his way over to Lucy, nudging her, grin wide on his face. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Lucy tried to hide her apprehension. "Uh, yeah. Looks amazing."

"So which ride? Ladies choice."

Lucy peered around, biting her lip. Her stomach hurt now, nervous and afraid, scared to even step foot on one of the twisting and spinning rides flying above her. She lifted her finger, pointing to a ride. "That one."

Natsu followed her gaze, then gave her a funny look. His face was mashed up into a frown, dark eyes humorous. "The merry-go-round?"

Lucy shrugged. "Yeah. Why not?"

He crossed his arms. "Luce, there's only little kids on that."

Lucy's brown eyes flickered over to the ride, scanning the passengers. He was right—the thing was filled with children. Not just children, but toddlers. Their parents stood beside the horses, hands on the kids' waists, holding them steady as they slowly went in circles. Lucy knew it was stupid of her to pick that—it gave away her secret.

Lucy blushed, glancing down. "I'm…" She let out a heavy sigh. "It's nothing."

He made a face. "What's wrong?"

"Natsu," Lucy said, frowning at the ground as she spoke, "I'm scared of the rides."

"Oh," He said, pausing between his words. "Well. Merry-go-round it is, then."

Lucy's head snapped up, and she peered at him. "Really?"

"Well, yeah," Natsu said, chuckling. He shrugged. "If you're not scared of that one, we'll go on it. All day if we have to."

Lucy's cheeks went slightly red, and she shook her head. "You should go on some fun rides—go with Gray, or Gajeel."

"Not a chance!" Natsu reached down and grabbed Lucy's hand; his skin was warm to the touch. "I'm spending the day with you. So, that means if you go on the merry-go-round a thousand times, so will I."

Lucy squeezed his hand. "You're too nice to me, you know."

"Yeah, I know. Just don't go telling everyone else." He gave her a wink, then pulled her back towards the rest of the group.

Juvia gave everyone a large spiel about safety, not talking to strangers, sticking with their room buddy the entire time. They had a meeting spot—right by the merry-go-round—where they would meet up at set times of the day. She handed out some carnival tickets used to gain access to the rides to the group. Everyone disbanded fairly quickly, excited by the atmosphere of the carnival.

Natsu and Lucy went directly to the merry-go-round; they proceeded to right it three times straight. It was easy and calm—although it still made Lucy a little dizzy. Lucy sat on the pink horse, and Natsu stood beside her, mimicking the parents on the ride; he held her waist, keeping her steady. As funny as it was, his touch on her side was intimate, and Lucy couldn't help but blush.

Once Lucy got too dizzy, Natsu helped her off of the ride, holding her up by wrapping his arm around her waist; again, Lucy's cheeks flushed red at the contact with his body.

She'd already kissed him several times, but his hand on her waist was making her react like this? Jesus, was Lucy twelve years old? Get a grip.

Still, as Natsu hauled her to a bench, her heart was pounding. He ran off to get her some mini-donuts, promising a quick return; he lived up to his promise, hauling ass back in under three minutes. He handed her the little box of donuts and she chowed down, the delicious taste of fried foods satisfying her hunger.

They wandered around after that, taking in the sights, hand in hand (which made Lucy blush. She was very annoyed with the effect this boy had on her cheeks). At one point, a vendor tried to push Lucy to purchase a balloon; Natsu stepped in and bought it for her, even taking the time to tie the orange balloon to her wrist. He was very careful not to make it too tight, in fear of hurting her dainty little hand. Lucy blushed. Damn it.

As they made their way through the massive carnival, they encountered the games section; Natsu participated in a game that involved throwing balls to knock down cups. If he knocked down all three cups, he would get a toy. If he won four small toys, he would receive a large toy of his choosing. Determined to get Lucy the big toy, Natsu played the game nonstop. It was more difficult than it looked; the game was rigged to prevent the cups from falling. Frustrated, Natsu continued to play. Refusing to hold back at last, he accomplished the task and was able to win a large toy. He let Lucy pick—she chose the dolphin with a squeaker in it.

They made their way past the waterpark side of the carnival, where the rides splashed through the water or released water onto the passengers. From the walkway, Lucy and Natsu could see Gray and Gajeel on one of the wet rides; the boys waved, then got absolutely destroyed as a wall of water crashed into the passengers. Lucy cringed, and they moved on.

Natsu nudged Lucy, pointing her towards another wet ride. This one, compared to the one Gray and Gajeel had been on, was absolutely boring; the ride itself was relatively slow and calm, and there was minimal splashing at the very end. Based on the expressions of people onboard, the ride was somewhat…lame.

"Perfect!" Lucy cried, shoving Natsu towards its entrance.

At first, Lucy was calm. Extremely calm, actually. This ride looked easy as could be—watching the people come to the end of the ride, they'd seemed bored. This was perfect for her. The straps came down from above her, and clicked into place. She jostled them slightly—they wouldn't budge. Even if she wanted to get out, she couldn't.

And then, the fear kicked in.

Why did such an easy, slow ride need heavy-duty bars clamped down over each passenger? Why were the tracks on the ride so thick, as if each cart the passengers were in would make a large climb? Why the _hell_ had Lucy gotten on this ride when she had only gotten a slight glimpse of the _end_ of the ride?

Lucy began to hyperventilate; she clutched her dolphin to her chest. It squeaked.

"Hey— _Luce_ , chill out," Natsu said, glancing over at her. He grabbed her hand gently. "Don't worry. You saw the ride. It's easy. Nice. Breathe."

Lucy sucked in a breath; her heart was hammering. "N-Natsu…"

"Don't even worry about it, Lu—"

He was cut off by the sudden _clunk_ of the ride starting. Their cart budged forward suddenly, speeding faster than the beginning of a ride should. Lucy's hand clamped onto Natsu's hard, knuckles white. They turned a corner; before them lay an incredibly high hill.

" _Shit!_ " Lucy screamed, regretting ever coming to the carnival.

"Luce—there's kid on the ride," Natsu snorted, shushing her.

They rose—slowly—to the top of the hill. Once they hit the top, they stopped. Frozen. No movement, for several seconds.

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck—Natsu! Fuck!" Lucy screeched, the halt of movement only increasing her anxiety. " _Fuck!_ "

Natsu couldn't hide his laughter; parents on the cart behind them covered their children's ears.

Then, they tipped over the edge. The cart slid down the massive hill faster than Lucy could possibly imagine; wind whipped through her hair as they fell down into the dip. Lucy figured after the hill, things would calm down—she was wrong.

They slammed into the pit below the hill, and were quickly whipped to the left, turning. Then, the carts tipped to each side as they sped through the track, making it feel as though they would fall out; they zipped over a few more quick hills—bumps, really—whilst the cart hopped and jumped, twisting and turning.

Then, they flipped. Totally and completely. Loops. Several of them, back to back. _Loops_.

Immediately after the loops, several severe turns that made Lucy's body slam into the side of the metal cart, making her sides ache. Then, another loop. Then, a sudden drop that forced Lucy's stomach into her throat.

Another hill. They sped up this one with the velocity of the entire course, quickly flying down the even bigger decline. As they hit the bottom of this hill, water splashed up into their faces; a flash went off, signalling that they had just had their photo taken.

Then, it was smooth sailing. An easy turn as they easily slid into the end of the ride, where Lucy had previously seen passengers looking bored.

Lucy was sobbing.

Hair disheveled, tears streaming down her cheeks, face pale due to her nausea, Lucy stumbled off of the ride. Natsu followed behind, careful to catch her when she tripped. He led her to a bench, where she proceeded to wail and sob for a solid ten minutes.

Natsu hugged her against his chest; she continued to ugly cry. _Hard_.

After half an hour, she had calmed herself down to a few stray tears streaming down her cheeks. Natsu was rubbing her shoulder, talking to her softly.

"That was a lot worse than I thought," Natsu said, confirming her feelings. "Scary ride."

"That was by far, the worst thing I have ever experienced in my entire lifetime." Lucy whispered, voice shaky and broken from crying. "I want to die."

Natsu snorted. "Don't say that. You did it, and you survived, right?"

Lucy paused, sniffling. "I don't consider this survival. I'm dead, Natsu."

"You're not dead, you little drama queen."

"I want to be."

Natsu peered down at her, dark eyes big. The comedy in the air suddenly shifted, altering, becoming more serious. Suddenly, he looked very tired. "Don't say stuff like that, okay?" He paused. "I know you're kidding but…I just—I can't think about not having you. Not even in a joke."

Lucy blinked. Had she really just said that? Had she really just joked about killing herself to the boy that was devastatingly afraid of people dying? Talk about insensitive. "I'm sorry—I didn't mean it. You know I didn't, I just…I'm sorry."

Natsu shook it off, trying to give her a smile, but it was clear that deep down, something was still hurting. "Don't worry about it. Just don't forget how much I need you here, okay?" He kissed her hand.

It was moments like that that reminded Lucy why Natsu was still at Tranquil Pines. Sometimes she wondered why he was still there, why he'd been there for so long. He seemed fine. Joking with everyone else, chatting, acting as if he had no issues at all. But then these little moments happen. Little occasions where someone will say something about dying, or death, or something about how much their life sucks, and his whole world falls apart. He breaks, right there, in that second. His expression crumbles and his eyes lose their light and everything that makes him _him_ totally disintegrates.

And he tries his best to build himself back up quickly. It doesn't work though. It doesn't fool Lucy. She can see the sudden black bags under his eyes, or the falter in his smile. She can sense it all, sense every ounce of horrifying pain pumping through his veins.

She wonders what he's thinking of, in those moments. Does he see his parents? His brother? Does he hear them screaming, melting in the fire? Does he smell the scent of burning hair, burning flesh? Does he see the fire again, feel the heat swallow him whole? Or does he think of what could've been? Does he think of his brother, grown and old, getting married? Does he think of his parents kissing his cheeks goodnight, or congratulating him on getting good marks? Does he think about the family having dinner together, childhood friend Lisanna over, chatting and smiling and laughing?

Normally, Natsu's fine. He stuffs the pain down, covers it up, swallows it whole so he doesn't have to face it. But sometimes, something will catch him, bring the pain back up, make him relive everything that happened and force him to face what never will be.

He looks tired, now. As if he might fall asleep, right on this bench. But worst of all, Natsu looks lonely.

Lucy threw herself against him, hugging his chest tightly. She can't fix his past, but maybe she can make things right now a little bit brighter, easier. She squeezed him; his hands tentatively made their way up around her, touching her back.

Lucy sat back. "You wanna get out of here?" She asked, voice soft. "I know the bus doesn't come for a while, but we could walk back. Let Juvia know and just head out, be alone for a bit."

The sun was beginning to set—they had arrived around lunchtime and already had been there for a few hours—and cast an orange glow upon everything within the carnival.

Natsu nodded, face pale and exhausted.

"Stay right here," Lucy said, giving his hand a quick squeeze before she stood up, scanning the place for Juvia. Once she found the blue haired woman (she was purchasing an insane amount of donuts), she made her way over; she asked permission to walk Natsu home, mentioning something about being exhausted. Then, Lucy quickly made it back to Natsu.

She offered him her hand. "Ready?"

He gave her a weak mumble in response and took her hand; they walked out of the carnival together, grip on each other tight.

The walk home was a quiet one; the sun set quickly and the streetlights lit the way back to the hotel. The closer they got to the hotel, the more they could hear the waves of the ocean; once they hit the entrance of the hotel, Natsu spoke up.

"Can we go to the beach for a little while?" He still looked like shit, but seemed motivated to view the water.

"Of course," Lucy murmured back, following his lead towards the ocean.

They made their way to the sand, still warm from the hot sun throughout the day, and took a seat facing the beautiful ocean. It was getting dark now, but a slight glimpse of the purples and pinks of the sunset set the edge of the water ablaze.

They were silent; Lucy was waiting for Natsu to speak, afraid she might say something wrong.

After about fifteen minutes staring at the water, Natsu said something.

"I always tried to stay away from everyone, here. Always. Ever since I came. I thought if I got close to people, they'd die."

Lucy's eyes widened.

Natsu continued. "I never made friends. I avoided talking to anyone. Slowly, it got better. I'd chat with everyone, make jokes. That's about it. But then…you showed up. You ruined it, y'know? I was doing alright. But then you came and I just—immediately, I just loved you. Right from the start. First glance. Tried to stay away, but couldn't help myself. And now—now, I just love you even more." He paused. "I didn't think I was ever going to love a person. But you're here."

He stared at the ocean, sadness in his eyes. Lucy watched him in silence, knowing there was more to his words.

"I'm so scared, Luce. I've never been this scared, not since the fire. I don't know what to do. I feel like—like I'm going to lose you. You're so important. I can't lose you. But it's like…maybe I'm cursed. Maybe I'm doomed to losing everyone I love."

He was worse than she had originally thought.

"You're not cursed, Natsu," Lucy said, words snapping out. "How could you even think that?"

He shrugged. "I lost them, Lucy. I could lose you, too."

"You won't lose me."

He looked down at the sand. "I'm absolutely terrified, Luce. I can't lose you—not now."

There was a silence until Lucy's voice cut through the air.

"You can't live your life in fear, okay? You can't value life so much because of everything your family lost and then throw it away, wasting it being afraid of what's going to come. You're right—you've lost a lot. And you're also right—life is beautiful, sacred and important. Life shouldn't be thrown away. People who don't care about their life when your family's were stolen from them—they're selfish and stupid. I was selfish and stupid for blowing my life away, whining and crying and destroying myself just because. That's dumb. Your body, your life—that should be cherished. But spending your whole life not getting close to people, not _loving_ people just out of fear? That's just as much a waste. That's stupid, Natsu. Live your life to the fullest. Don't waste it being afraid. I'm here to stay—you don't need to worry about that. I'll be with you forever, if that's how long you want me."

After she spoke, Natsu was quiet. He ingested her words carefully, dark eyes searching the ocean in front of him, thinking about all that she'd said.

His voice was low, gravelly.

"You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my entire life."

Lucy blushed, eyes widening in surprise. Wasn't exactly the response she was expecting from yelling at him like that. "What?"

He was staring at her, eyes running all over her face. He reached down and held her hand. The intensity of his gaze made her face go red. "You're right about everything," He grumbled. "I'm sorry. It's just the idea of losing you…" He made a face.

Lucy covered his mouth. "Don't worry about it, Natsu. Like I said…I'm yours as long as you want me."

Natsu scoffed, his own cheeks going red slightly. How cute. "Okay, dork. Forever, then."

"Forever it is, nerd."

Natsu leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers; Lucy kissed him back, happy to see the exhaustion and sadness beginning to leave his body.

The kiss melted into something deeper, something that sent vibrations through Lucy's body; she felt like she was on fire, like there was something alive beneath her fingertips. It deepened further, pushing Lucy to weave her fingers through Natsu's messy hair; his hands wove around her waist, pulling her roughly towards him.

Minutes later, it grew further. She pushed him back, tossing a leg over his core and straddling him. Her lips searched his hungrily, and their tongues met; Natsu let out a low growl, eyes rolling into the back of his head as Lucy pushed downward, ass rolling into the curve of his pants.

Natsu's head fell back against the sand, and Lucy took the opportunity to nibble on his ear; a low groan escaped into the cool night air, barely audible over the splash of the waves. Lucy couldn't help but smile hearing his noises, happily rolling her hips back again and enjoying another groan escaping his lips. Again, she pushed against him, the vibrations in her body heightening as she began to feel his excitement against the back of her thigh. Although constricted by his pants, Lucy gasped out in surprise; Natsu pulled her head back down to his, kissing her sloppily.

Their bodies moved in sync, grinding against one another in the warm sand. Every so often, one of them would let out a little moan, only getting the other more excited.

But, before anything truly incredible could happen, the tide came in, and the two were completely doused in water. Lucy choked on quite a bit of it and coughed violently, trying to get it out of her lungs; Natsu patted her back. The waves still rose up around them, splashing them; Lucy let out a whimper. She was incredibly sick of being wet—that wet rollercoaster had ruined it for her. Natsu let out a laugh and picked Lucy up, hauling her up to the hotel.

They returned to their hotel room. Natsu had a quick shower, while Lucy had a bath. While Lucy was in the bath, Natsu sat outside, against the door, and talked to her. They chatted about the carnival, about which ride was their favorite—Lucy said the merry-go-round, considering it was the only ride they'd participated in that hadn't made her cry. Natsu laughed at Lucy, poking fun about her crying on the water ride; Lucy snarled at him, and he shut up pretty quickly.

Lucy got out of the tub and into her pajamas, and the pair laid in bed and watched some sappy romcom on the television. Lucy knew every word; Natsu stared blankly at the screen for an hour and a half. But, at the end, when Lucy began to cry, Natsu rubbed her back, saying it was "pretty good". Lucy considered that a win.

They fell asleep like that, after watching another movie. They were wrapped up in each other, limbs tangled and bodies close.

Natsu didn't have a nightmare that night.

He never had nightmares when he slept with Lucy.


	25. Chapter 25

Lucy and Natsu were awoken suddenly the next morning by a loud knock on their hotel room door. Natsu groaned, stuffing his face in the pillow; Lucy stumbled out of bed, letting out a whine as she slowly made her way to the door. The knocks continued, getting heavier and louder.

Lucy tugged the door open, about to make a witty comment about how early it was. The second she saw the person behind the door, she paused. Gajeel. And his face was different—his expression was twisted up into something he so rarely showed to anyone: fear.

Lucy's mouth opened, but no words came out. Something was happening—why else would Gajeel look so…terrified?

His dark eyes were big. "Group meeting in Juvia's hotel room— _now_." He paused, taking the time to swallow; Lucy could see his adam's apple bob in his throat. After a couple long seconds, he whispered, "It's Mira."

Lucy's heart jumped. Mira? Was something wrong with her? Was she okay? So many thoughts ran through her mind, jumping to the worst conclusions. Gajeel gave her a nod and headed down the hallway towards Juvia's room; Lucy spun, quickly heading back to the bed.

"Natsu—up, now!"

The pink haired boy jumped awake, confused and irritated. "Eh?"

"It's Mira," Lucy hissed, heading over to her bag of clothes and grabbing the first thing she could find that weren't pajamas. "Group meeting in Juvia's room. Urgent. We have to go!"

Without a word, Natsu chucked the blankets off of him and grabbed a t-shirt off the ground, tugging it on quickly. His expression crumbled into one of absolute concern. He'd always been particularly messed up about Mira's situation, considering he was the boy afraid of death and it was the first time he'd nearly lost someone he considered a pal. Any hint of the cheerfulness and light that made Natsu himself was absolutely gone, smoldered out by fear and anxiety.

Lucy felt like crying. She wasn't sure why. Why was her gut feeling that something bad had happened?

They quickly sped over to Juvia's room, where the rest of the group had been waiting. Everyone looked anxious and worried; no one had any idea of what the news was yet. Juvia had wanted to wait until she could tell everyone, all at once.

Natsu and Lucy shuffled in, taking a seat on the edge of the puffy bed; the rest of the teens were scattered throughout the room. Gajeel sat at the desk, biting his nails; Erza was pacing the floor; Laxus was staring out the window at the hazy sky. Everyone else was equally upset, afraid of what they might here.

"Okay, guys," Juvia said, huffing out a breath. "I've got some news. Got the call this morning." She took a long break, watching everyone's expressions carefully. "Mira's woken up from her coma."

At first, the room was dead silent. After a few seconds, everyone's faces burst into grins, expressions of happiness and relief. They all began to speak, murmuring how happy they were, how this was great news.

Juvia let out another breath. "She's in rough shape, everyone," The counsellor said, voice hard. She was trying to hide how upset she was. "They don't know if she will make it. But, for now, she is awake. She can speak a little, and she understands what happened to her. But things aren't looking good."

Silence, yet again.

"How can this be?" Erza asked, eyes wide. "What's wrong with her?"

Juvia sighed. "I don't know all of the details, but her bulimia and anorexia has severely destroyed her organs. Liver, heart, lungs…they're in rough shape. Starting to fail. She's on treatment and dialysis right now, but they don't know if it's enough."

Laxus turned away from the window, eyebrows pulling down over his intense gaze. "We've gotta go see her, then."

"That's what I wanted to ask all of you—would you like to cut the trip short and head home? We can go straight to the hospital to visit, even if it's just short. I don't know how capable she is, or if she'd allowed visitors, but…" Juvia looked down at her hands, clearly upset. "It's your decision. All of you."

Everyone gave each other a glance, and it was immediately silently agreed upon.

Lucy pushed herself up from the bed, eyes hard and cold and heartbroken. "We've got to see Mira."

And with that, their beach vacation was cut short.

Everything moved very quickly once the group decided to head back home to see Mira. Everyone went to their rooms, packed their clothes, and returned their hotel keys; a shuttle was waiting outside of the hotel, prepared to haul the group to the airport. As they left, Lucy gave one last glance to the beach outside of the hotel, sad that she had to say goodbye to the spot so soon. She vowed to return one day.

Juvia had contacted the facility, who had altered their flights and got tickets for the soonest flight back; the kids lounged around the airport for an hour or two, nervous and upset and oddly quiet, compared to their usual selves. They boarded the plane in silence, not really having much to say. The quiet was a stark contrast to their travels to the island, which were filled with joy and laughter.

When they landed, they were shocked by the snow and the chilly weather; everyone went to the washrooms and changed out of their beachwear, back into their normal attire. They loaded onto a bus waiting for them, beginning the trek to the hospital.

Natsu hugged Lucy close; she rested her head on his shoulder and tried to stop herself from crying.

She felt like complete garbage. Her mind was racing, her heart hurt, her body was exhausted. It was devastating, watching someone fall apart. Seeing Mira starve herself, that was rough. But seeing the fallout—the medical issues, the slow descent into something even worse… _that_ was heartbreaking.

Destroying yourself? That was easy. Lucy knew that well enough. But watching someone else do it? Watching another person you love and cherish begin to fall apart? Watching their demolished bodies begin to give up? That was petrifying.

The bus ride went by quickly. Too quickly. Lucy wasn't ready to see Mira, not like this. She'd always imagined that when Mira woke up, it would be a happy occasion; they'd smile, Lucy would say how much she missed her, and Mira would say the same. Then, she'd come back to the facility, a smile on her face, and things would go back to normal. The end.

But this wasn't a happy story. This was real life, and real life was a tragedy.

The group was put in that dismal little waiting room again. It was cramped, the seats were uncomfortable, and it was depressing as ever. The light still flickered, on the verge of flashing out. Looking out the window, the weather was just as upsetting: dark, purple skies with fat snowflakes swirling down.

Natsu was nervous the second they stepped into the hospital. When they sat down, Lucy finally realized how much the hospital bothered him—he was shaking violently, blinking so often she thought he might be having a seizure. His eyes were wet, as though he were about to burst into tears. Lucy reached over and held his hand, trying to calm him; he looked at her, terror in his expression.

She could practically see the images in his mind: a flashback to him waking up from a coma, confused and in severe pain. He asked where he was, and the doctors told him what happened. He asked to see his mom; the doctor's face crumbled down in sadness. They told him his mother was gone, that she and his dad and his brother and his friend didn't make it out of the flames. That he was the only one who survived. That he was alone, now.

Of course he hated the hospital. How could he not? It was where his whole life fell apart. It was where he found out he'd lost everything he had ever loved.

And of course it upset him, being here to see Mira as she awoke from her coma. It reflected his past, something he'd struggled to face over the past few years. Mira was experiencing something that had been so hard for Natsu. It was only natural that it horrified him.

He continued to shake, and Lucy's touch didn't seem to calm him. He didn't say a word, just stared at the ground intensely and quivered. Lucy didn't push him further, didn't try to get a sentence out of him. He didn't need that added stress. He was dealing with enough.

A nurse came, and mentioned that visits would have to be short; Mira was having a rough time, and having too much company would stress her out. Each person would have to visit individually—group sessions might overwhelm Mira. The group understood.

Everyone nominated Lucy to see Mira first. Lucy wasn't sure why—after all, Mira and Erza were best friends at the facility—but she didn't question it. Maybe it was because Lucy looked the most upset, other than Natsu. Or maybe it was because the group understood the profound effect Mira's breakdown had on Lucy's progress, as clearly shown by Lucy's episode in the kitchens after Mira fell into a coma. Whatever the reason, Lucy didn't hesitate. She squeezed Natsu's hand and pushed herself out of the stiff seat, shakily walking down the hallway towards Mira's room.

She took a deep breath before pushing open the heavy hospital door.

Once she opened the door, Lucy was shocked. Her heart stopped in her chest; her stomach knotted almost instantaneously. Tears welled up in her eyes at the sight before her.

Mira, in the hospital bed, sitting up over a bucket and vomiting violently. Her hair was in knots, thinning in spots; clumps of it had fallen out onto the bed's sheets. Her skin was a dead grey tone, as if there was no pulse beneath her flesh; her face was so thin it was almost hollow looking. A skeleton, brought to life.

Worst of all, Mira had tears streaming down her cheeks.

The nurse at her bedside held her up as she vomited, wiping her lips clean once she'd finished; the nurse then settled her back into the pillows, careful not to grab her dainty body too roughly, then headed off to empty out the pail.

Mira's eyes flickered to Lucy. When she spoke, her words were slurred and mumbled, as if English wasn't her first language. It didn't surprise Lucy; the nurses had explained that Mira knew how to talk, but her body had sort of forgotten what to do. "Lucy," Mira whispered coarsely, "You came."

Lucy stepped forward, legs shaking. She cleared her voice, trying to sound strong when she spoke; her words came out squeaky and small. "Of course I came."

Tears still streamed down Mira's cheeks, dripping off of her chin and landing on her hospital gown. Her arms were so thin it scared Lucy. There was a long pause while Mira tried to wipe the tears, struggling to lift her arms. After a couple seconds, she dropped her limbs, giving up. She didn't have the energy to lift a hand to her cheek. "Everything hurts, Lucy."

Lucy felt the tears in her eyes begin to overwhelm her; they pooled and spilt over, rushing down her cheeks and dripping to the floor. She took a few more steps closer to Mira, the smell of vomit and decay stunning her senses. "How bad is it?"

Mira's eyes drifted closed; she took a deep breath, then looked at Lucy again. "Worse than I thought was possible," She swallowed, appearing to have difficulty with it. "If I had known it would be like this…"

Lucy's eyebrows tugged down, awaiting Mira's next sentence.

Mira's lips were blue and cracked, bloody. They twisted up into a meek smile. Her hands gripped the sheets weakly; her fingertips were yellow and stained. "I just wanted to be pretty." She shook her head. "That was it. All of this…I just wanted to be pretty."

Lucy's heart ached. "You are pretty, Mira," Lucy sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks, "You have always been pretty."

Mira smiled, but it wasn't cheerful; the expression on her dead face was sad. Melancholic. "I'm not pretty now. Ironic, isn't it?"

"You'll always be beautiful to me," Lucy whispered. It wasn't a lie. No matter how rough Mira looked, she was always…well, _Mira_. Just the thought of Mira's smile made Lucy happy—that's just who Mira was. Mira radiated beauty. "Always."

"I didn't think it would hurt this much." Mira sucked in a shaky breath, tears still flowing down her cheeks. "I didn't think this would happen. I mean, I knew I wasn't eating enough and I knew that throwing up any food I did eat was bad for me, but—I just…I wanted to be slimmer. Skinny enough to be a model. How stupid is that?"

Lucy took another step closer to the girl in the hospital bed, holding her weak, bony hand.

Mira continued. "I wanted to be pretty. Now, I'm gonna die."

"Don't say that," Lucy burst out, breaking down into sobs as she held onto Mira's hand. "Don't you ever say that again."

Mira's voice was a quiet, hollow whisper. "I want to die," She breathed, crying as she spoke. "It hurts so much Lucy—I don't think I can do it."

Lucy squeezed the girl's hand as gentle as possible. "You can't give up, Mira—I need you, we all need you. We _need_ you."

"The doctors said it's a miracle I've made it this far. Some people don't make it to this stage—they don't even get to the point of their body shutting itself down. Most people just have heart failure, all of a sudden, after they skip a few meals." When she swallowed, she winced in pain. "I'm one of the lucky ones, I guess. Feeling this."

In the hospital, but still spouting sarcasm. Typical Mira.

"You can make it through this, Mira."

"I don't know if I want to," She responded, closing her eyes and setting her head back on the pillows. "It hurts so much, Lucy. Everything. All the time. I didn't know—If I had known…" She was still crying. "I don't think I can do this."

"Please," Lucy begged, "Mira—you've got to try, you can't just let your disease win like this—"

"I'm sorry," Mira interrupted, not opening her eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize!" Lucy continued to beg. "Don't say sorry, just get better!"

Mira's hands went limp, as if she were too tired to even slightly grab Lucy's fingers anymore. She let out a shaky breath. "Tell everyone I love them. Tell them to get better and get out of the facility and to travel the world for me."

" _Mira_ —"

"Can you just do this for me, Lucy? Please?"

Lucy released Mira's hand, heart stuttering. She didn't know what to do—the pain of seeing her friend on the verge of death, completely out of hope was devastating. So, she just agreed. "Okay. I will."

Mira let out a groan then, her hand reaching over and clicking the 'call nurse' button; a nurse flew into the room, bucket in hand. Mira curled around the bucket, holding it to her lips as she began to puke again. Lucy closed her eyes.

"You should go," The nurse said.

Lucy obeyed, stepping out the door, back into the hallway. She took one last glance at her friend, and her heart completely shattered.

Mira was still crying, her hands balled up in pain and disgust, beads of sweat beginning to drip down her face.

Lucy let the door swing shut, and she instantly leaned her back against the wall. Tears poured down her cheeks, sobs escaping her lips.

Mira didn't look good. She was practically half dead already. Hell, even Mira didn't think she had a fighting chance—she'd already given up hope. She wanted _Lucy_ to tell everyone she loved them, not herself. She wanted _Lucy_ to convey her message of love and advice.

The thing that struck Lucy the most was Mira's regret. She regretted doing any of it: starving, purging, destroying herself. She'd said doing all of it just to be pretty was _stupid_. That one word seemed to repeat itself in Lucy's mind. Mira's regret...that was the most progress Mira had ever had regarding her condition, her disease.

What would Mira have been like, had she known the horrifying reality of anorexia? Would she be out in the world, healthy and happy? Would she have graduated school, taken a year off to explore the world? Would she have lived her life to the fullest, laughing and dancing every night away as she set off on her own little adventure? Would she have kissed boys, danced under the stars, maybe even get married? Would she have had children eventually? Would she have been happy?

Mira hadn't realized she'd wanted that until it was too late. For the longest time, all she'd wanted was to be pretty—and in her mind, being pretty meant being extremely thin. Her disease had warped her mind, made her think she was overweight, made her think she was ugly. All she'd wanted was to be beautiful.

But the whole time, Mira had missed the fact that she already _was_ beautiful. All she saw were her flaws, when everyone else saw her beautiful smile and her sparkling eyes and her incredible way with words.

And now, laying in her hospital bed, undergoing the torture of having her body fail, Mira had figured out what was actually important. Happiness. Living life to the fullest. Experiencing as many things as possible.

But it was too late. She'd done the damage, and she was facing the consequences. She'd been so reckless, not caring about what she was doing to herself…and now, it was too late to change it. She was falling apart. She couldn't fix it, not now.

So, as Mira lay in bed, crying from the excruciating pain echoing from inside out, she thought about what could have been. She thought about going to prom, and having a boyfriend, and going to Rome. She thought about all of those dreams, all of those experiences. How she'd thrown them out, all because she wanted to be _pretty_.

So stupid. So naïve.

Lucy, in the hallway, had a breakdown. It felt as though her heart had been torn from her chest. It wasn't easy, watching someone you loved slowly kill themselves. And it definitely wasn't easy watching them regret their decision once it was too late to go back.

The fact that Lucy had been on that path was terrifying. She'd cut herself, burnt herself…for _what?_ To deal with pain, to deal with her issues? Such a slippery slope to be playing on. She'd gotten a wakeup call before things had gotten too bad, before it was too late. Lucy had been given a second chance. A chance that not everyone got.

Maybe that's why this was happening. This was the universe's way of telling Lucy to take advantage of this second chance. This was the universe telling Lucy to move forward, progress in her rehabilitation, to move on from her illness.

Seeing Mira dying and regretting everything she once did changed Lucy. Now, there was no hesitation in her mind: cutting, self-destruction, it was all a thing of the past. She would move on. She would get past this. Lucy was not going to be the girl that cut herself—not anymore.

She had things to do in life. She had people to meet. She had stories to make and adventures to go on. There was no more time left for hatred and sadness. Lucy couldn't waste her precious life destroying herself.

Natsu had taught her that. Mira had taught her that.

And Lucy was going to take these lessons to heart.

Lucy went back to the waiting room, once she had calmed herself enough to stop her intense sobbing. She told everyone what she'd seen, what Mira had said. She told everyone how Mira had regretted everything.

The group waited for a bit longer, and the nurses came out to tell them that Mira couldn't see anymore visitors: she was too ill and too tired. Everyone was disappointed, but understood—especially after they heard what Lucy had seen in there. They all got on the bus, riding back to the facility in silence.

Lucy's heart was breaking for her friend. She felt like she could burst into tears at any second. But part of her knew that this had happened for a reason—Mira's mistakes would affect the entire group, help them learn and understand how they needed to get better.

Natsu held Lucy's hand the entire way back. He was still shaking, still anxious from his long moments in the hospital that felt all too familiar. Lucy squeezed his hand, letting him know that it was going to be okay.

And it was going to be okay. Something deep inside Lucy's gut was telling her that.

She was headed on the right path—the path to getting better.

She wanted it more than ever.


	26. Chapter 26

Mira died three days after the hospital visit. No one else got the opportunity to see her; she was in too rough of shape and the nurses didn't want to add anymore stress on top of everything she was dealing with. Lucy was almost glad that she alone saw Mira—not in a selfish way, not because she wanted to be the last to lay eyes on her friend. No, Lucy was glad none of her friends from the facility saw Mira in such an awful state because she knew it would break their hearts.

It broke hers.

No one took the news about Mira well. Juvia waived everyone's mandatory schedules, instead opting to let everyone grieve; she held a brief group therapy session in the evening for anyone who needed support. No one came.

Everyone grieved differently.

Laxus paced his dorm room, heart hammering, stomach in knots; he slammed his fist into the wall, punching a hole through the drywall. He couldn't believe she was gone. He tried to think of every single moment of Mira he could remember, every time she'd blown him away with her humor or her wits or her charm. But all that came up was the memory of him in the cafeteria, accidentally looking over at her across the room; sun was streaming through the big windows and setting her aglow. She was laughing with Erza and Lucy, a beautiful grin on her face, her whole expression lit up with joy. That was it. That was Mira, right there. Unknowingly beautiful.

Gray wandered the facility. He hadn't been particularly close with the girl, but it was hard not to like her—she talked to anyone about anything without hesitation. The thought that Mira was gone was astounding—enough to get his anxiety really going. So, he walked. He paced, thinking about every time he'd seen her smile.

Gajeel stayed in bed, hidden under the covers. He was stressed, emotionally fucked up because this totally pure and innocent angel had lost her life over a stupid illness. In the past, when he was this upset about something, he'd shoot up. Grab an arm band, grab a needle, get it done. Or he'd grab some coke, make a rail, snort the sadness away. Anything to make the pain stop temporarily. But now he couldn't. He was past that point. He was going to get better—he'd made the promise to himself. So, he pulled his curtains closed, hauled his blankets over his face, and stayed there, not moving until the urge to inject or snort or smoke something had subsided. He was there a while.

Erza broke down. Screams emitted from her lips, filling the dorm room; she'd never felt so alone. Lucy tried to help, but Erza was beyond anyone's assistance; she was no longer at the facility, no longer in her tiny little dorm room. She was blind—her PTSD attacking her, consuming her senses. Now, she was at the scene of the crash. The car was behind her, flipped and smashed, the smell of burnt rubber in the air. She was crying, hair full of blood. She turned to the car, all too familiar with this scene: she'd been hit by a drunk driver, who had been thrown from his vehicle in the crash. He was dead on impact. She, on the other hand, would survive—with unfortunate injuries to her arms, legs, as well as a punctured lung and broken ribs. But this scene—the one before her—was different than the usual haunting image. No, this time, there was no drunk driver. One vehicle on the side of the road, not two. This was different. And instead of a dead drunk driver strewn across the road, this time, there was a pale, thin girl with white hair laying limp on the highway. Erza screamed, dashing forwards, but she knew it was too late; she flipped the girl over, bursting into tears once she realized what was happening. Mira was dead, thin little body broken and bloody on the freeway. Erza leaned back and screamed, blinded by the hallucination. The guards came, eventually, and escorted Lucy out; they strapped Erza down while she screamed and thrashed, sobbing about her best friend. She broke down for hours until her body physically couldn't stay awake anymore, and she fell asleep. When she slept, Erza saw the same image: Mira, dead. When Erza awoke, she was still trapped in the hallucination. It was a nonstop repeat of the same horrifying episode.

Lucy had begun her grieving by sitting in her room, crying with Erza—until the redhead's PTSD meltdown began. Lucy tried to awake her, begging her friend to return to her normal self, desperate not to lose another best friend to their issues; the guards came, and Lucy was ushered out of the room. The last thing she saw was Erza being held down, screaming bloody murder. Unable to calm down and having nowhere to go, Lucy went to the only safe haven she knew—Natsu's rooftop. She made her way there quickly, subconsciously hoping Natsu was there to help ease her mind. And when she swung open the rooftop door, she found him.

It was still the middle of winter out at the facility—a stark contrast to their recent beach getaway—so his breath huffed out in milky clouds. He was wearing his normal attire, his facility uniform all torn to shreds and altered in the form of a vest.

Natsu had perched himself on the edge of the roof, legs dangling over the edge freely. He was looking down at the ground, a blank expression on his face.

She'd gone over to him, asking him if he was okay; he hadn't replied. She'd urged him further, asking for _something_ , and all he'd given her was a meek 'I'm sorry'. Upset, Lucy asked if she'd done something wrong, if she'd hurt his feelings—he'd ensured that she hadn't.

He said he had some thinking to do, and left.

And that was it.

So Lucy cried on the rooftop, feeling incredibly alone—more alone than she ever had. Mira was _gone_. Completely. She was no longer alive. There would be no more sarcastic jokes or educating conversations about the best foundation makeup for every skin tone. There would be no more sitting in the cafeteria, laughing about whatever gossip Mira had supposedly heard that day. It was all over.

Lucy had lost one of her best friends. One of her only friends. And now, Natsu wouldn't even talk to her.

Everything was falling apart.

The funeral was held two days after she passed away. Mira's family had invited anyone from the facility to attend, which everyone greatly appreciated.

Gajeel, Gray, Erza and Lucy attended. Erza had come to, and was now aware. Depressed and horrified, but aware. Juvia drove them. The ride was silent and rather quick. The others—Natsu and Laxus and the rest of the group—didn't attend. They all had their own reasons for not going and paying their respects. No one questioned it.

The service was lovely, highlighting everything good about Mira. Everyone at the funeral burst into tears by the end—she'd impacted everyone so completely, it was hard not to cry knowing she was gone. She was buried, and everyone lay pink roses on her grave.

Her gravestone read 'Mirajane Strauss: forever loved, forever beautiful'.

The drive home was less silent; Lucy and Erza cried. Gajeel patted Lucy's back, trying to comfort her in his own awkward little way. Lucy was grateful for any sort of comfort; she was absolutely falling apart. Totally broken. She didn't know what to do, where to go from here.

The urge to cut had been strong. Too strong. It was getting worse with every passing second, and Lucy didn't know how to cope. She'd lost a friend, saw the disturbing reality of what mental illness could do to a person. And yet, her own mental illness came knocking— _loudly_. Too loudly to ignore.

But Lucy persisted, not falling victim to her own mind's tricks. She knew better.

She had seen Mira in the hospital, a few days before she died. She had seen mental illness in its most true form. She'd seen the horrifying consequences mental illness had on people. Mira had just wanted to be pretty—Lucy simply wanted to deal with the pain. Both had a goal in mind, both had stupid ways they thought they could attain their goals. Mira starved herself—Lucy sliced her wrists.

But Lucy had seen Mira. She'd seen what happened when you let your mind take charge. She'd seen what happened when you gave yourself up to your illness, when you didn't fight, when you didn't want to get better.

Mental illness wasn't pretty. It was real, and it was ugly, and it fucking killed people. It killed Mira. It killed many others. It would kill Lucy, if she let it.

So she kept going. She cried and sobbed and didn't sleep a wink for a week straight, but there wasn't a single moment where Lucy wasn't motivated to fight the good fight. She wasn't going to give in. She refused. She _would_ destroy her illness. She _would_ overcome it.

For her sake. And in Mira's memory. She couldn't let Mira's lessons go to waste.

She was going to get better.


	27. Chapter 27

Natsu avoided everyone as much as possible in the following days. Especially Lucy.

He was having a hard time, to say the least. He'd lost people before—you'd think he'd be a pro at this. You'd think losing another person—a friend—wouldn't hurt as badly. You'd think, in comparison to his family melting into nothing, watching his friend die by her own hand wouldn't be as horrible.

But it was just as terrible. The pain only added together, making everything worse.

Ever since his parents, his brother and his friend died in the fire, Natsu valued life beyond anything else. His family had lost everything—their bodies, their lives, the chance to do more. So watching someone he cared about—and yes, as much as he had tried to fight having friends, Mira was exactly that—ultimately _choose_ the path of destruction, yeah, that stung. Watching Mira voluntarily starve her body of what it needed, watching her body whittle down to practically nothing...it appalled him. Watching her die because of the decisions she'd made, well, that just broke him completely.

As a kid, when he'd finally awoken from his coma, he'd begged and pleaded any sort of god or worthy being to bring his family back. He cried and sobbed, wishing someone would just bring them back, give them their bodies and their souls and forget the fire ever happened. He'd wanted to see his mom smile once more, watch his dad work on the car, watch his brother play soccer. He'd begged for their lives to come back.

And to watch all of these people just throw their lives away carelessly, not realizing how absolutely valuable _living_ was? It fucked him up.

Yeah, Mira made some bad decisions. Mental illness does that to you—Natsu couldn't blame her. Everyone had issues, and Mira was dealing with hers. But to give up your body, give up your livelihood...for what? To look pretty?

She didn't look pretty dead. No one did.

It didn't matter what her issues were. Everyone had problems, things they wanted to overcome or deal with. Mira wanted to be pretty, and the only way her mind figured that was possible was if she weighed as little as she could. Lucy wanted to deal with her fucked up dad and her mother dying and everything else that hurt her heart, and the only way her brain could make sense of that pain was to slice and dice. Gajeel wanted to forget, and the only way he knew how was to saturate himself with coke or heroin or whatever he felt like that day. Everyone had a thing. And yeah, its super fucking hard to stop your mind from manipulating you into something. But when your life is on the line...

It tore him apart. His mom was dead. Dad, brother, childhood friend. Now Mira? One of the first people he'd let himself be relatively close to since the fire, and now she's gone?

Maybe he was cursed. Maybe it was him. It wouldn't surprise Natsu if everyone in his group at the facility dropped dead—that's his luck.

So, he fucked off. He avoided everyone and everything. He didn't go to the funeral. Even a few days after Mira passed and everyone went back to following their schedules for the day, Natsu didn't. He didn't go to breakfast, he didn't go to see Juvia.

He hid.

Natsu locked himself in some janitor's closet, sitting beside some rank broom and mop. There weren't any lights and it was dark but he didn't care, because his mind was spinning and nothing made sense. He hid in there and cried, because all of a sudden memories of the fire came rushing back, hitting him with full force.

 _His mom was screaming and he could smell burnt skin, burnt hair, burnt everything. Flames licked up against his flesh, singing his arms and his stomach; he screamed out in fear, in pain. He called out for his brother._

 _"Zeref!" Natsu screamed. He was too young to really know what was going on. "Zeref, help!"_

 _He couldn't hear a response—only screeches of pain. He didn't know which way to turn, the flames were everywhere. He couldn't see, he couldn't hear. Only the crackle of fire, scorching its way through their home. All he could see were flames. All he could hear was smoke._

 _The smoke got too thick, too heavy, and it was hard to breathe. Natsu lay on the floor, remembering something from school about how the smoke was thinner the closer to the floor you got. He army crawled, only stopping to cough when the smoke got too much; he coughed so hard he vomited. He couldn't stop—he kept crawling._

 _More screams. More stench. More smoke._

 _Natsu doesn't remember passing out. He doesn't remember anything. The last thing he remembered for the longest time was the heat of the flames, licking up his stomach, and the sting of smoke in his eyes. That's it._

 _The next time he opened his eyes, it was months later, and he was in the hospital._

 _A nurse was by his bedside, greeting him calmly. He asked for his mother. The nurse gave him a sad look and said she would return with the doctor. He didn't understand why._

 _They came back, told him his mother was dead. Father. Brother. Friend. All gone, eaten up by the flames. It was bad, apparently. No remains were used for the funeral service—there was nothing left._

 _Natsu cried. He'd missed the funeral._

Now, Mira. She was gone, too. He thought about every time he'd seen her in the lunch room, nibbling on half of a grape. Why hadn't he made her eat? Why hadn't he told Juvia? Why hadn't something been done about her problem?

He sobbed in the closet, now. His heart ached, every inch of his body saturated with fear.

How much longer would it be until everyone he loved died? All of his friends from the facility? He couldn't take the pain of losing people, not anymore. It was too overwhelming. He couldn't handle it. And if he really was cursed, like he low-key believed, he'd have to deal with it a lot.

So, he just shouldn't love people. He shouldn't have friends. He shouldn't get close to people.

He shouldn't be with Lucy.

So, he stayed in the closet all day. People walked by, but no one ever opened the door; he figured this closet was rarely used, considering how dusty it was in there. He stayed there for hours, crying and sobbing and being afraid.

He only slipped out of the closet when night fell, and the hall lights flickered off.

He'd thought all day, heart aching and mind racing. He was so hurt, in so much pain, he didn't know what to do. But he felt like he had to do _something_. Something to numb the pain. So he came up with a plan.

He snuck out of the closet and headed to the kitchen; he listened against the door, only silently entering once he was sure no one was inside. He dug around the cupboards, searching. Once he found what he was looking for, he headed out.

He left out of the side door of the kitchen. Not many people knew about that door, but he'd done enough kitchen duty to be aware of its existence; it was a door leading directly to the dumpsters, in case the chef needed to ditch any rotten food.

Natsu pressed forward, passing the dumpsters and heading for the forest. He wasn't going far—just to the edge of the treeline. He grabbed some branches, ripping them off of the limbs of the trees and stacking them in a pile.

Once he'd made a big enough stack, he dug in his pocket, pulling out the item he'd gotten from the kitchen.

A lighter.

He leaned forward, flicking the lighter and creating a flame; instantly, his heart pounded and he began to sweat. So many years, and he still had that reaction to fire. Ignoring his panic best he could, he leaned down and pressed the flame to the beginning of a branch. It caught on fire slowly. He made his way around the pile, starting the edges on fire.

It took a couple minutes for the whole stack to go up in flames; the snow around the pile melted away. The blaze flickered up high—higher than Natsu had thought. The heat washed over his face, and he stepped back, watching the wood burn.

The fear inside of him was horrifying. So many memories came flying back, so many painful moments. The smell of the smoke sent his heart pounding against his ribs; his breath became short and shallow, and his eyes filled with tears. He was so afraid—afraid of what fire could do, what it had done. He was afraid of death. He was afraid of losing even more.

So, he watched the fire he'd made, tears streaming down his cheeks. He wasn't sure why he'd done this, why he'd snuck out of the facility just to set some trees on fire.

Maybe it was symbolic. Maybe it represented growth, or something like that. Maybe it was because, coincidentally, it was the anniversary of that tragic day that changed his life.

Or maybe it was because he hadn't gone to Mira's funeral, and he needed to show his respects in his own way. And maybe he'd decided to do that with fire, because he _was_ growing. He was always growing. He'd seen Mira's mistakes and the illness she'd been dealing with, and he'd watched it kill her. And he would learn from it.

So, rather than hurt himself or do something to dull the pain, he'd embraced it. He'd done what he feared most of all. He'd set the fire himself. Maybe it showed he was getting better. Maybe it showed that he was more stable. Maybe it stood for the never ending fire within his heart, within his soul.

Or, maybe he was just an idiot who set some trees on fire. Everything was up for interpretation. Natsu preferred something a little more artsy.

He watched the flames, felt the heat flash against his cheeks; his stomach ached where his burn marks were. His breath was still shallow, his palms sweaty. He was terrified.

But sometimes, it was okay to be afraid. Because eventually, you could get past it.

Natsu knew that better than anyone. He'd been so afraid to make friends, so afraid to get close to anyone, so afraid for people to know the truth about him and his past...but here he was, mourning the loss of a pal. He'd made friends, gotten close. He'd met Lucy. He'd fallen in love.

You could get over your fears, and he intended to get over them all. He wouldn't be afraid of being close to people, he wouldn't be afraid of fire. Maybe, someday, he wouldn't even be afraid of death.

For now, he was fine with a little fear, because he knew he could beat it.

He watched the flames dance around. He'd never noticed how beautiful fire really was.

Natsu didn't get the chance to continue those thoughts, because a shrill voice interrupted him.

"Natsu!" It screamed. It was a little far away, but he wasn't sure where. "What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?"

Natsu's head snapped up, confused. He blinked, then glanced up. "God?"

"No, you idiot!" The voice came closer, and Lucy came into vision; she was coming from the facility, running as fast as she could through the snow banks. "It's Lucy!"

Natsu snorted. "Oh. Hey, Luce."

She came up to him, cheeks burning red and eyes watery. She was out of breath, chest heaving. Her eyes were cold, glaring at him. "Don't _'hey, Luce'_ me, you asshole."

Natsu's eyes widened, surprised by her anger.

She set off on a rampage. "Firstly—what the hell do you think you're doing? What did you intend to do with this fire, huh? Hurt yourself? Because that's fairly hypocritical of you. And also _stupid_. Were you gonna jump in the fire? Were you gonna set yourself on fire? That's so stupid, Natsu! How could you? And secondly, _thank you_ for ignoring me all week, it really feels goo—". She turned to look at him, mouth open to dish out more of her rant, but she froze, falling silent. After a couple shocked seconds, she whispered, "Are you crying?"

Natsu wiped his cheeks, looking back at the fire. "Uh...no." He paused. "And I wasn't gonna set myself on fire. You think I want to die at the facility?"

Lucy blinked. "You weren't trying to hurt yourself?"

"No. How'd you know I was here, anyways?"

"I went to the roof looking for you, saw the light from the fire. Once I saw it was you, I booked it over here as fast as I could." She frowned at him, big brown eyes reflecting the glow of the flames. "What exactly are you doing, then?"

Natsu shrugged, looking at the ground. His heart still hurt, but it wasn't as bad when Lucy was around. "I'm...mourning."

Her eyes were cold, but quickly melted into something much softer. "Oh, Natsu..." Lucy whispered. "You should've told me that before I screamed at you."

"You didn't really give me a chance, Luce."

She cringed. "Sorry. I'll go, let you be alone." She turned to leave.

"No, wait," Natsu grumbled, grabbing her arm softly. "Don't go."

Lucy looked up at him, concern heavy in her expression. Clearly he was worrying her—she knew how much he was scared of fire.

"I'm sorry I ignored you. I was just—this isn't easy for me, y'know?"

"It's not easy for anyone, Natsu."

"I know that. And I'm sorry I was being so selfish, not helping you at all—fuck. Sorry. I just...I can't lose more people. But I did. And it's the anniversary, and everything's bad, I just...so, I came out here and I did this and I thought it would help. And it did, a little. But the second you showed up...well. You help more."

Lucy's expression crumbled into sadness, and she placed her hand on Natsu's shoulder. "It's the anniversary?"

Natsu tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "Yes."

"Natsu," Lucy sighed, letting her hand fall; she reached for his palm, intertwining their fingers. "You don't have to hide from me, okay? When things get hard, you don't need to keep it from me. You don't need to ignore me, just talk to me, okay?"

He nodded. "I know—I shouldn't have. I'm such an idiot."

Lucy gave him a small smile. "My idiot, though."

His eyes landed on hers. ""You still want me after I was being such a dick?"

Lucy laughed. "Of course, dummy. You can't scare me off that easily."

Relief flooded Natsu's veins, and for the first time, it felt like things would get better. Much better. For the first time since arriving at the facility several years ago, Natsu thought that he might be able to leave one day.

He could live a life, not being afraid of death. He could sleep without reliving the fire. He could close his eyes and not see flames. And one day, he could love Lucy, fully and completely, not even slightly afraid that if he loved her he would lose her.

They'd be out in the world together, figuring everything out as a team. The ups, the downs...they'd deal with it with each other's help. They'd move in together, decorate together, cook together. They'd live on the beach. Get a cat, maybe a dog. Get married. Have babies. Grow old.

They'd overcome their issues and live their lives to the fullest. They'd be happy.

Natsu looked at her—this beautiful girl that captured his heart so completely—and murmured, "Let's go be happy."

Lucy smiled, cheeks going a bit red, and gave him a nod.

They kicked snow on the fire, putting it out before they headed back to the facility; they walked in the front door—which gave the frontdesk person a heart attack; she had to put in a report that they escaped, and there was a big mess with security for an hour or so. But then, once they were freed, they wandered the halls together, just chatting. It was how it used to be, when Lucy first arrived; both were a little lost, but they were there together. And that was okay. They'd figure it out on the way.

All they knew was that they were going to be happy, no matter what.

Together.


	28. Chapter 28

The cafeteria was filled with an unusual amount of excitement. People were laughing and grinning, their cheeks hurting so much due to the joy radiating from them. The entire room was set abuzz; giggles and laughter filled the space.

It was visiting day, and everyone was extremely excited. Except for Lucy and Natsu.

Besides the whole ' _my dad's a real asshole and doesn't love me_ ' sort of thing going on with Lucy, the day really got to her because of how much she missed Mira. Every day since her death—which had been nearly three weeks ago, to the day—Lucy would encounter little things that reminded her of her close friend. Nothing important, just another white strand of hair caught on Lucy's clothes or something she knew Mira would laugh at. But this day—visiting day—brought back the memories of months ago, when the first visiting day arrived. When Mira's family came, and the white haired girl had never looked so happy. Lucy couldn't get the image of Mira grinning at her family out of her mind. It made her heart hurt.

But now, everyone else was chirping away about their families or their siblings, and Lucy and Natsu were sitting in the corner, trying to get away from it all. Lucy coped with the stress by chewing on her lip; Natsu coped by stuffing the entire buffet down his throat.

Lucy gave him a glance, muttering something out about how disgusting he was.

The boy peered up from his scrambled eggs, cheeks stuffed. "What?" He asked, a little annoyed to be taken away from his meal. His dark eyes flickered around the room, noticing everyone's rather cheerful behaviour. "Oh. You're not excited, too?"

Lucy made a face. "Have you forgotten what happened the last time?"

Natsu shrugged. "Hey—maybe he'll show. You never know."

Lucy poked at her toast, scoffing slightly. "Trust me. I know. He's not coming." She paused. "I doubt Juvia put him on the contact list after last time. He probably doesn't even know it's visiting day."

Natsu watched the girl for a second, taking in her upset expression. He stuffed some bacon into his mouth and mumbled out, voice muffled by the vast amount of food he was attempting to chew, "Want me to beat him up for you?"

The blonde girl laughed. "You could try, if you could ever find him. Which you won't, 'cause he's never around. It's a nice gesture, though."

"I try."

And so, the two glumly finished their meals, trying to act like they weren't completely heartbroken about being alone on visiting day. At this point, things weren't so bad; the food distracted Natsu from his thoughts, and Lucy was focused on Natsu. But, all good things must come to an end, and so would these few moments of semi-depressed peace. The food would be gone, and Natsu's dark thoughts would take over; he'd fall quiet, get upset. And Lucy would, too, once the room cleared out and they were the only ones left. She'd start to think about her father, about how he's treated her, about how much she wished he would love her like a father should.

It didn't take long for the room to clear, and they were the only kids awaiting a visitor. Lucy wasn't sure whose situation was worse—the girl whose family chose _not_ to visit, or the boy who didn't have anyone to begin with. Both sad, both alone.

At least they had each other.

They finished their food, and then headed out. Maybe a walk would clear the air, make things better. Maybe getting away from that empty room, only the two left, would stop their hearts from breaking and the darkness from getting in.

They wandered the facility, chatting about nothing. Talking came easy to the two; they could sit in a single spot and just talk for hours upon hours. Not to mention the new hobby they'd come across—kissing. Natsu liked that one a bit more than talking, and Lucy couldn't really complain.

The urge to ask him what the hell they were doing was growing rapidly. Were they dating? Were they not? Just friends? A friends with benefits sort of situation? Lucy had no fucking clue, but she wanted to know, just so she didn't fuck anything up by being overly clingy or annoying. Then again, he _had_ told her he'd loved her approximately three times, so was being clingy even an issue? Could she really do anything that would make things weird?

Her over-thinking silenced her from asking about their relationship, in fear that he had something casual in mind. Sure, he'd confessed his love for her, but Natsu was weird like that. Maybe in his mind that meant they were just best friends. He was an idiot.

The two ducked into the library—which was deserted, as per usual—and grabbed an old walkman they'd found in the closet. They spent an hour sitting on the floor, backs leaning against the wall, flicking through songs on old CD's. Lucy would play a song she liked, and then Natsu would play a song he liked. Then, they would flip through the stacks of CD's until they both found their next picks.

"Really?" Lucy said, groaning, as Natsu played his next pick.

"Are you serious?" He snapped. "You don't like this song?"

Lucy was laughing, now. "It's so sappy!"

"REO Speedwagon's ' _Can't Fight This Feeling'_ perfectly portrays the struggles and details of loving a friend-type person with class and integrity, and I hate you a little bit for saying it's sappy. How could you?"

Lucy smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Natsu, listen to this line—' _it's time to bring this ship in to the shore, and throw away the oars forever'_. Tell me that's not sappy."

"Sappy, yet beautiful. So, fuck you." Despite his sassy remarks, his cheeks were a bit more pink than normal. Maybe it was because she was bashing his song. Or maybe it was because that song sorta kinda reminded him of Lucy. "Your turn."

Lucy flipped up a CD—one filled with relatively new songs that someone had ripped onto the disc. How it ended up in the facility's janitor closet, she wasn't sure. "Riptide by Vance Joy. Makes me feel whimsical."

He snorted. "You're cute." He listened to the music intently, watching Lucy with a goofy grin on his face as she bobbed her head to the beat.

They stayed like that for a while, just putting their heads together and sharing a pair of headphones. And it felt good—no pain, no horror, no sadness. Just the two of them, happy. And it sort of gave Lucy a lump in her throat, because she couldn't remember ever being this happy. And she started to get afraid of what was coming next, of where they would go from here.

And then, before they could finish the song, a guard came in the room.

"Lucy Heartfilia?" He asked, looking at Lucy.

She pulled the headphone out of her ear. "Um, yes?"

"Your visitor is here," He said. "Your father."

Everything started to spin a bit, and she was so shocked she couldn't say anything for a few long seconds. After a while, Lucy sputtered out a ' _great, thanks, be right there'_ and the guard left, leaving the girl alone with the pink-haired boy yet again.

Natsu looked at her carefully, trying to read her reaction. "You alright?"

Lucy blinked. "Uh—yeah, I just... _surprised_ , actually."

He gave her a small smile. "He came. You should go see him."

"Yeah," Lucy said, starting to get up—then, she froze. "Oh, wait—will you be okay here? Do you want me to stay here with you?"

"Don't be an idiot, Luce. Go see him. This'll be good for you." He gave her a smile, reassuring her that everything was fine. "I'm fine—I'll just listen to music. No worries. Meet me here after."

"You sure?"

" _Go_ , Luce."

And so, she did. Reluctantly. But he seemed pretty fine and she was sort of wondering what the hell her dad was doing here, and curiosity got the best of her.

She walked to the main entrance, and once she rounded the corner, surprise hit her yet again. There he was, standing awkwardly at the desk, dressed in a crisp brown suit. His blonde hair was messy and disheveled, as though he'd been on a long flight and drive to get here, from wherever he was. He looked uneasy.

Lucy walked up to him, crossing her arms. She didn't know what to say, how to say it. She opened her mouth for a moment, but stayed silent.

He looked at her expectantly, eyes brightening for a split second before they went slightly cold. He returned to his business-like demeanor. "Lucy, nice to see you."

Seeing him hide his happiness, seeing him go cold all of a sudden, it set something off in her. So, she spit it right back. "Yeah. Would've been nice to see you last visiting day, too, y'know. But you didn't come." Cold as ice.

He winced, eyes dropping to the ground. "I'm sorry, I've had some important things to deal with—"

"Don't you always?"

"Lucy, please," Her father mumbled, eyes still on the ground, "I've got some news I'd like to share with you, something very important to me—"

"Really?" Lucy snapped. "I've been in a fucking _mental hospital_ for ten months and you want to share _your_ news? You don't want to ask me how I am? You don't even care if I've gotten better?"

"You know I care!" He snapped at her, voice echoing in the empty foyer. "Why do you think I sent you here, huh? Because I've always wanted you to get better!"

"Because you wanted to get rid of me, dad!" Lucy cried back. "You're keeping me prisoner here until I'm eighteen and you officially don't have to deal with me!"

"That was _never_ my intention—"

"Bullshit," Lucy hissed, shaking her head. "You don't even care enough to look me square in the eyes, dad."

His eyes, a sharp grey color, flickered up to hers. "I will always care about you, Lucy." His voice was soft as he looked at her, sad and quiet. "Always."

"Make time for me, then. Show me. Your words mean _nothing_."

"Why do you think I'm here?" Her dad asked. "Your friend called and he told me I should come—I didn't know it would bother you that I'd missed the last one. So he said I should come, that it would make things better with you, so here I am. To make it up to you."

Lucy's eyes narrowed; she frowned. "My friend?"

"Yes," Her dad nodded. "That boy. He said his name...I don't recall. He told me it was visiting day—that I wasn't on the contact list, or something, because I hadn't come last time. So he told me."

Lucy's heart stopped beating for a second. "Was his name Natsu?"

"Yeah. Young sounding fellow? Yeah, must've been him. Does he work here?"

Lucy tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "No...he's just a good friend of mine. Maybe we can go see him, later on."

Natsu had contacted her dad, convinced him to show up. He'd done all of that, all by himself...just for her. He'd cared enough to bring her father here. Natsu had made her dad—a disappearing act—show up. For once.

Her dad's eyes brightened slightly. "You'll let me stay, then?"

"For a little, maybe," Lucy said. She had to let him stay a little while, if only for the all of the hassle Natsu must have went through to get the guy here. That, and that _maybe_ she just sort of missed him, a little. Because after all, he was her only family. And the fact that he was here, saying he cared...that made her want to sob. "Let's walk around."

Lucy showed her father the facility grounds, walked him around, showed him her dorm room. They made awkward small talk, and Lucy tried to be nice, to hold back her sassy comments because _after all_ , he had showed up. That was incredible for him.

She wondered what Natsu had said to get him here.

Her father awkwardly asked if she was okay now, if the treatment worked. Lucy said she was getting there, that she was on the road to recovery. He simply nodded, not asking further. She didn't really mind—he didn't really like to get into the intimate details about her life. He never had. She didn't question it.

They went to the cafeteria at lunch, and nibbled on fruit and snacks. Other families chatted heavily with the group members, asking about their lives and laughing with them loudly; Lucy and her father sat in silence, commenting occasionally on if the crackers were good or the cheese was tasty.

The entire time, her father seemed as though he were keeping something secret. As if he was struggling with it, like he needed to tell her something but couldn't, not yet.

She didn't have to ask—he told her eventually.

They'd wandered the entire facility and were heading towards the library, because Lucy wanted her dad to meet Natsu. They were just outside of the door when her father grabbed her wrist, eyes worried.

"I've got some news, Lucy," He'd said, voice careful. "It's...important."

She let her hand drop, not reaching for the doorknob anymore. "What is it?" She asked, unsure what it could be. It's not like any family members could've died or gotten sick or something—she'd only ever known her dad. No grandparents, nothing like that. They'd passed before she was born.

He swallowed. "I got married. Her name is Angie. She's got two kids."

Silence. Long, long silence. Never ending silence.

Finally, a response. "You... _what?_ "

He blinked. "She's lovely, Lucy, I really think you'd like her, and—"

"You _what?_ " Lucy spat out again, voice dripping with anger. "You're _married?_ And this is how you fucking tell me? When was the wedding?"

He seemed confused as to why she was mad. "That's why I couldn't come the last visiting day, and I—"

"You missed visiting me in the god damn fucking _mental hospital_ because you were getting _married?_ In a wedding you never told me about? To a woman you never told me about? Are you not seeing why this is clearly fucked up from your position?"

"Lucy, calm down...She really wants to meet you and so I—"

"So, you're here because she wants to meet me. That's it? That's why you're here?"

"Of course not, Lucy—I just don't think she'd like to meet you _here_ and so I had to see how things were going, see if you could come home, meet the family—"

"The _family_?" Lucy hissed. "You're here to take me home so your new wife doesn't have to know I'm in a fucking mental hospital? You're only here because _she_ wants to meet me, not because you _care at all?_ "

"Lucy, calm down..."

"I will not calm down!" Lucy snapped. "Are you fucking joking? Because if you're not, this makes you the worst fucking dad on the planet." She took a breath, eyes flashing to the ground. She was so angry, she didn't know what to do. "You're literally the most horrible father. You shouldn't have come. Leave— _now_."

And with that, she opened the door to the library and walked in, leaving her father in the hallway.

Natsu perked up, pulling the headphones out of his ears. His lips spread into a wide grin—until he noticed her expression. His face fell into a frown. "What's wrong?"

"Him." Lucy snarled, nodding towards the door behind her.

Her father stepped into the room, confusion thick in his expression. "Lucy, come back, let's talk."

Natsu got up, looking to Lucy. "This is your dad?"

"Biological father," Lucy spit, turning so she was facing her father again, "But hardly a dad."

Her dad sighed. " _Lucy_ —"

"Don't talk to me," She growled. "I told you to leave."

"What happened?" Natsu asked, frown still on his face.

"You wanna know what happened?" Lucy said, sarcastic pleasant smile slapped onto her lips. "He shows up, tells me he cares about me, and then also notifies me that he's _married_ to some person I've never heard of before and that she's got two children, who I've also never heard of. Oh, and that's why he missed the last visiting day—he was at the wedding. The wedding I wasn't invited to or made aware of. So that's cool." She turned back, icy eyes landing on her dad. "Leave."

"Lucy, let me explain!" Her father cried.

Lucy crossed her arms. "Okay. Go ahead. Explain this to me. Explain how you not telling me you're getting married or letting me meet your new wife—my new mother—and her two kids—my new siblings—was a good idea. Explain how you're _not_ the most horrible father in existence. Go for it."

He sighed again. "I didn't want to bother you, I didn't want to make you upset when you were in recovery. I thought it would hurt you that I was remarrying, I thought it would make you think I was trying to replace your mother."

"Oh, I absolutely do. But continue. Let's hear some more, because that's the most bullshit excuse I've ever heard in my life."

"Listen! I care about you—I always have. I want what's best for you," He snapped back, desperation in his voice.

"You have _never_ shown that to me, so why the hell would I believe you?"

"Jesus, Layla, you never give me a chance to speak!" Her dad yelled, voice picking up. After a second, he shook his head. " _Lucy,_ Lucy. Not Layla. Sorry."

Lucy froze the second he said that name. _Layla_. Her mother. He'd just called her her mother's name. "What?"

"Sorry—you just...you look just like her and you're just as stubborn as her, and..." He trailed off, seeing Lucy's expression.

Lucy had tears in her eyes, now. "Don't," She whispered. "Don't talk about mom. You don't _deserve_ to talk about mom. Not now. Not after you ignore me for _years_ and come crawling back when you want to look like a good dad in front of your new wife."

Her father's eyes dropped to the ground, and he didn't object. He didn't deny it. He accepted her words with silence.

And it broke her heart, because she knew she was right. He'd only come to impress his new family, to make it look like he hadn't totally deserted his child. But he wasn't here because he cared and he wasn't here because he loved his daughter, he was here because his new life was interested.

Lucy wished her mother was here. Her mom would've never let this happen—she kept him in line, kept him happy. She'd been his everything...she was the glue in the family. And without her, this had happened. Layla was the brightness in both of their lives, and without her...well, it was just darkness.

Lucy was crying, now; tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over her cheeks, streaming down heavily. The drops dripped off of her chin and left little droplet stains on her shirt. Not wanting her father to get another moment of seeing her weakness—the weakness caused by him—she spun on her heel and ran to the library's washroom, slamming the door behind her.

Natsu watched Lucy's father for a second, noticing how little his expression changed as his daughter ran away, sobbing. Anger grew in his chest, rising up like flames; the anger ripped through his ribs, burnt up his throat. His hands balled up into fists. "You should go— _now_."

Her father looked at him, a snotty look on his face. "And you are?"

"Natsu. Her friend." He stepped forward, ushering the man out of the room. "Let's go, out."

Lucy's dad raised his hands, hitting Natsu's arm away from him. "Hold on—I'm not leaving here without my daughter. Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Listen up, dipshit," Natsu snarled, voice deep with fury. "Your daughter is the most beautiful person I have _ever_ met, and you made her cry. And that's not okay. Got it?"

"Okay, punk—"

"No," Natsu cut him off. "Don't talk to me. You hurt Lucy, you have to deal with me. And I'm not here to chat. So, either you leave right now, or it's gonna get ugly in here, because I'm all fired up. Understand?"

Lucy's dad gave Natsu one more look, and then walked out of the library; Natsu followed him, walking the man to the front door. He didn't release the tension in his fist until he'd watched the man get in his vehicle and drive away.

Then, he ran back to the library. He flew to the library bathroom, opening the door.

She was sitting on the floor, sobbing, with the lights off. It broke his heart.

He sat down beside her, not bothering to flick the light on, and wrapped his arms around her. She cuddled into him, crying for a long time, not saying any words; he didn't mind. She didn't need to say words to express how much pain she was in.

Natsu already knew the importance of this—her father was the root of it all. She'd lost her mother and depended on her dad, who'd deserted her. He'd made her feel worthless, ugly and useless. He'd left whenever he had the chance. He'd made Lucy think she wasn't loveable, that she didn't deserve friendship or love. He'd made Lucy think that she deserved to be alone.

It all went back to him. Sure, he probably didn't mean to act this way. He probably had no idea. But she'd relied on him, and he'd let her down.

He kept letting her down, over and over.

So, Lucy wailed, letting all of it out. Years of pain, years of loneliness...it all flew out of her, sadness and anger. And an hour later, when she'd nearly lost her voice and had run out of tears, she finally said something.

She was in Natsu's arms, still on the ground. Her own arms were wrapped around his neck, and she whispered into the crook between his neck and his chin. "You brought him here," Lucy whispered. "He said you called him, asked him to come."

"Yeah—I'm sorry. I thought maybe you'd make up, maybe it would make you happy—I had no idea, I'm so fucking sorry Luce."

"No," She said quietly, voice hoarse. "Don't be. I'm glad. That was so sweet of you. Thank you."

Natsu felt guilty—he'd made this happen. If he'd known it would end up like this, he wouldn't have called Lucy's father. "I'm sorry."

"Maybe this is good. Maybe I needed this to happen—to remember what he's really like. So I stop dreaming about what I want him to be." She took a breath, shaky and slow. "So I stop relying on him."

Natsu's thumb rubbed a small circle on her back. "Well, you don't need to rely on him, okay?"

"Just need you."

"No, Luce," Natsu replied, shaking his head. He leaned back, looking her square in the eyes. "You don't need to rely on me. You don't need to rely on anyone okay—just yourself. You're the strongest person, Lucy. You've dealt with so much shit, and you're still here. Just rely on yourself. That's the only person you ever need." He paused. "I'm just here for your entertainment—but you only rely on yourself. You're strong enough to take care of yourself without anyone's help. I know you are."

Lucy gave him a nod, understanding.

Once she had completely finished crying and they were both sick of being sad and sitting on the floor, they got up. They went to their rooftop. Once they got up there, they were surprised to find it raining.

Not snowing, like it should be. _Raining_. Pouring, actually.

The rain had fallen so hard it cleared the snow off of the roof.

Lucy turned to Natsu, holding out her hand. "Shall we?"

"What?" He asked, laughing.

"Let's dance, dummy!"

And so, they did. They twirled and spun in the rain, getting soaked instantly; the air was still relatively cold, and so they shivered the whole time. But they kept dancing, kept twirling, kept smiling.

Because they were going to be alright. Lucy was going to rely only on herself—she didn't need her father, she didn't need her dad's approval. She didn't need anything from him. She just needed herself and the urge to be happy, and that's what would keep her going. She would be okay.

And Natsu would be fine, too. He'd keep moving, keep growing. He'd get used to the pain from the fire. He'd learn to deal with the memories, with the loneliness. He'd cope. And he'd get over his fear of death. He'd get over his fear of getting close to people. He was already on that path, with Lucy.

They danced, and he'd never been so happy. She'd never smiled so big.

Because they were on the path together. The road to being happy.

And all of the pain they had, well, it washed away with the rain.


	29. Chapter 29

Lucy had always loved to write. As a kid, everything played out like a novel in her mind; her descriptions of her surroundings were detailed and thorough, as if she were explaining it to an audience. Every person she'd met would be characterized and described, and she'd try to play out their actions and motives and try to figure out their back story. Every detail of her life had been methodically thought through, worked over and over until it made sense in a written form. Her mind was a story writer, and that's the only thing she knew.

So, when she finally remembered she was supposed to do a creative report for Juvia, she settled on writing. Everyone had to complete an assignment, but it was completely open to interpretation; some people drew pictures, took photos, sang a song. It didn't matter, as long as it was meaningful to you.

And so, Lucy began to write. She'd asked Juvia for paper and pen, but the counsellor had gone the extra mile and secured some old ass laptop for Lucy to type on—she was overjoyed.

She sat in the library every day, tapping away on the keys, letting her mind guide her. Some days, she'd reread what she'd written the day before and erase it completely; other days, she wrote pages and pages, fingers flying over the keys. Outside, it was getting warm; spring had officially arrived, and the snow was nearly melted away.

Natsu sat with her every single day, across the table, watching her type. He was supposed to be completing his own creative assignment, but he was stumped. So, he just watched Lucy. He'd grab the walkman, put his headphones in, and rock out to his sappy 80's tunes; sometimes he'd get so into it that he'd whip out an air guitar, or start drumming.

Both of them, happily sitting together, doing their own thing. It was comforting.

He'd look at her sometimes and watch her type. He'd snort at her face, the way her expression twisted when she typed as quickly as she could. Her eyebrows would pull down and she'd chomp on her lip and her big brown eyes would look so concerned, and he'd think she was just about the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

At first, Lucy hadn't known what to write. Her entire life, she'd never been at a loss for what to write about, but _here_ , now, she was completely stuck. She'd asked Natsu. He'd shrugged and mumbled, 'I don't know. What you've seen'. And so, she did.

She wrote about her life before coming to the facility. She wrote about her mother, about the memories they'd made. She wrote about being with her mother when she passed, seeing her take her last breath. She wrote about her father's depression, his abandonment. She wrote about the long, lonely nights in the big house, not a soul to talk to.

She wrote about having no friends.

Lucy went into how she started cutting, how bad it got. How she'd relied on it so much to take the pain away, to numb her senses to the point where she wasn't even aware of how lonely she was. She talked about how much she'd needed that rush. The rush was the only thing that kept her going, kept her alive. If she didn't have it, she probably wouldn't have lived this long.

Then, she talked about coming to the facility. She wrote about how scared she'd been—not in the typical sense, but scared that she wouldn't be able to cut. She talked about how it was hard, how her mind focused on the addiction to cutting, on how she couldn't go three seconds without missing the sting of open flesh.

Lucy wrote about the people she met. Erza, Laxus, Gajeel, Mira, Natsu. She talked about what they'd all taught her, individually.

Erza taught her to care for people. Right from the start, Erza took care of Lucy—on Lucy's first day at the facility, Erza showed her the ropes, introduced her to everyone, explained the entire system. And when they shared a room, that bond grew even further. Hearing Erza scream and cry at night, hearing her relive her accident...well, that made Lucy's heart ache—and she'd never really felt that before.

Laxus and Gajeel taught Lucy that you had to _want_ to get better before you actually had the opportunity to. Both of them, they'd both checked themselves into the facility simply because they'd wanted to get over their issues. For Laxus, it had taken him nearly killing a boy and permanently destroying that kid's life to realize he had a problem—and so, he wanted to fix it. He didn't want to hurt people anymore. He knew he had severe anger issues. So, he brought himself to Tranquil Pines. Gajeel was nearly the same, except he'd nearly killed himself before noticing he had a problem. He'd nearly overdosed, nearly lost himself all due to an addiction, and that's when he checked himself in. They both refused to leave, both too afraid to fall prey to their illnesses again. They'd told Lucy that she had to want to get better, because if she didn't, all of this meant nothing. Her stay at the facility would be worthless. She would get back out and cut herself to bits. They'd showed her that motivation was key.

Mira, well, she'd shown Lucy the ugly side to mental illness. She showed Lucy that being sick wasn't romantic and that it wasn't all artsy pictures on tumblr of too-skinny girls with bony wrists and knobby knees—no, being sick was liver failure and vomit breath and the inability to digest your own food, because your body didn't know how to process it anymore. Being sick was being attached to a thousand tubes and having wires connected to your heart to keep it pumping right. Being sick was laying in an ugly hospital bed, too weak to sit up, breathing your last breath all alone. Being sick wasn't cute. It wasn't beautiful. It wasn't a pretty photoset of scars or thigh gap or whatever. Being sick was fucking ugly. Being sick was dying.

And Natsu...well, he'd taught that hurting herself only hurt others. That the pain she was escaping by slicing and dicing only projected onto everyone around her. He'd taught her the value of life, that being alive was absolutely precious. He'd taught her that her body was important, that her body and her soul and her livelihood were the most important thing she had. He'd taught her that she needed to take care of herself, that she needed to rely on herself. He'd taught her that she was strong on her own, that she could do things, that she didn't need someone else to carry her or hold her up. He'd taught her what it was like to lose everything. He'd shown that it was possible to lose every single thing you loved and still be okay, still make it through. He'd taught her how to be strong. He'd taught her how to love.

She'd learned a lot since her first day at the facility. Lessons she would never forget from people she would never forget. And one day, when they were all graduated from the facility and had gone their separate ways, she'd miss them all.

Lucy wrote about dealing with Mira's death, about all of the pain and regret and guilt she'd felt in the days following her passing. She wrote about dealing with her father, and how she finally understood that she didn't need a family to rely on when she had herself and her friends.

Finally, Lucy wrote about how far she'd come. About how she understood how poorly she'd coped with stress and pain, about how she'd only hurt those around her. She wrote about how she was still growing, still struggling with her addiction, but that she was getting better. She still thought about it constantly, the images of cuts and blood often flashing through her mind—but she didn't let it influence her. She acknowledged it, and moved on. She wasn't weak—she was strong and she was in control. She didn't need to rely on physical pain to cope. She didn't need to rely on anything or anyone but herself.

She wrote about how she was glad she'd come here. She'd met incredible people, learned incredible lessons, overcame her issues. She was on the path to getting better. It would be a long road—a lifelong journey—but she wasn't going to be controlled by an illness. She'd seen the nasty side of mental illness, seen what it did to her friends, and she refused to fall that far.

She would learn from them and improve.

Lucy wrote about where she was headed, where she wanted to go. She said she wasn't sure when exactly she would be out of the facility, when her graduation would be, but that she wasn't worried. She'd get out eventually, when the time was right. And that was okay. She didn't know where she'd go, she didn't know what she'd do...but that was okay, too.

The mystery of her future was fine—all she knew was that she wanted to be beside Natsu.

And so, she wrote that final line of her assignment, and glanced up at the boy in front of her.

He was still rocking out hard. Music blasting from his headphones, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead. He would play the air guitar for a minute, miming out a solo, and then break into a drum solo. His eyes were closed and he was grinning as he played, joy absolutely radiating from every fibre of his being.

There was no more hesitation, no more fear. She wanted him—forever. She couldn't imagine being without him. He made her happy.

"Natsu?" Lucy asked, brown eyes watching him carefully.

He perked up, hearing her voice dimly over his music. His eyes snapped open and he pulled his headphones out. "Huh?"

She had a small smile on her lips. "Do you wanna go out?"

The pink haired boy blinked. "Go... _out?_ "

"Yeah. Like, date."

His eyes narrowed. "Like...boyfriend and girlfriend?"

 _No shit._ "Yes."

He seemed stunned. "I thought we were."

Really? This whole time she'd been stressing about whether they were just friends or hooking up or more than that, and he'd figured they were just straight out dating?

Lucy frowned. "You never asked me."

"I'm supposed to _ask?_ "

"Are you kidding me?" Lucy snapped. "Yes, you're supposed to ask, Natsu!"

There was a couple seconds of silence, and then his deep voice broke through. "Hey, Lucy, do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"You're a jackass. And yes."

"Cool."

He put his headphones back in, then blasted his music. Lucy could hear it—it was that sappy rock song he loved. _Can't Fight This Feeling_. He started to sing it, motioning to Lucy as he sang out of key; at one point, he stood up, kicked his chair away from him, and started to dance. He belted out the lyrics, pointing to Lucy as he serenaded her.

She was smiling so hard her cheeks hurt. And finally, Lucy was able to see a future where she was totally and completely happy.


	30. Chapter 30

_**A/N:**_ _ **Hi, everyone! So, this chapter is a little mature...if you don't like things getting hot and heavy, don't read it. Or just skim it. Just a warning! Please review :)**_

Natsu had never been good with change—in fact, he hated it. As a kid, it was the small changes he didn't like—he refused to eat if his mother changed up the breakfast cereal supply in the house, he refused to walk if she bought him new, uncomfortable shoes when his perfectly good old ones (which were torn to shit) were still available. As he'd grown older, though, he'd begun to hate change even more. Partially because he was just a stubborn brat, partially because he'd had a life altering change that stole all of his loved ones away from him. Either way, he absolutely hated it.

But here he was, immersing himself in change. In such a short span, his whole world was going to flip again—tomorrow, in fact.

It was graduation, and Juvia had notified him that he was a graduate. After all this time, he was leaving the facility, the only place he could call home. She'd told him that he was ready, that he'd gotten over that last wall. _He'd made friends_. He was on the road to recovery, and she believed he was able to go out into the real world.

Of course, since he had no family to pick him up and introduce him to the real world, Juvia was heading out with him for a couple days. They'd find him a place to live and get him a job—she had contacts and had found several companies willing to give a recovering person a full-time job—and settle him in before she returned to the facility.

And he'd have to restart, adjust, deal with it. Fear was bubbling up in his stomach and his chest was tight, like he couldn't breathe, and the unknown started to creep him out. So, he ignored it, focusing on the task at hand.

He had a piece of paper and a lighter.

This entire year, he'd pushed off his creative assignment. He'd forgotten it was a task he had to complete, until Lucy worked on hers, completing it. So, he figured he'd better do the same.

Except Natsu sure as hell wasn't a writer, and he wasn't good at drawing. Natsu wasn't particularly good at anything, really. So he picked something to show how far he'd come, how much stronger he was. He wanted to prove himself one last time before he left the facility.

He pulled back on the lighter, and a small flame erupted from it. The heat waved over his fingers, and he nearly dropped the thing and ran off, but he managed to keep his cool. He stared at the flame, noticing how it waved about in the warm summer breeze. His lungs were tight with fear, but he continued on with his plan, calming down with every second that passed.

He held the flame to the paper—not enough to set it on fire, but just enough to stain it, burn it with dark smoke. Then, he moved his hand carefully, in smooth, sweeping gestures; the soft black lines followed behind.

He was drawing Lucy with the smoke. Now, he was no artist, so she sort of looked like a horse, but it was as good as he could get it. So, he added some last touches—the flick of her nose, the sparkle in her eyes—then blew out the flame. He headed back to the facility—he'd been in the parking lot—with his new smoke painting in tow.

When he gave it to Juvia, she didn't say a word for the first few minutes. She just looked at it, eyes creeping over its design, staring at it intensely. And then, her eyes welled up.

Natsu, sitting in the seat opposite her desk, frowned. "You okay?"

Juvia swallowed, the lump in her throat getting large. Her eyes were very wet. "I'm—um, yeah. Just...I'm proud of you, Natsu."

The pink haired boy smirked. "Don't get all weepy on me, Juvia. It's not goodbye yet."

"I know," The counsellor responded, waving her hands to try and dry her eyes out. "We've got a few more days. I'm just so proud—you've come so far. Do you remember what you were like your first day here?"

Natsu leaned back, a little small sprouting on his lips. _His first day._ He'd been so little, so young, so terrified. Scared of everything. Afraid to talk to anyone, even Juvia. He'd sat in her office while she tried to evaluate him, not saying a single word. Back then, he'd have nightmares about the fire—bad ones. He'd get glimpses of it even in the daylight. Random panic attacks, where his lungs felt like they were filled with smoke and he couldn't breathe and he could smell burnt hair and melting skin. He'd been totally shut off, totally incapable of friendship.

Slowly, he'd changed. He would still have the same nightmares, but he wouldn't awaken screaming and sweaty; now, he'd wake up sobbing, broken hearted. He'd talk to people, not _totally_ shut them out, but still lay in bed, lonely and afraid, at night.

And he'd still get those bad days, where the memories hit him hard and the panic attacks came back and it felt like no time had passed whatsoever. And he'd miss breakfast and lunch and dinner and he wouldn't go to his scheduled activities, and Juvia would be fine with it, because she knew he was in rough shape.

And he'd been fine with it. He'd figured that's what his life was, now. That's as good as it would get.

And then Lucy came, and he thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Because right from the start, she looked at him like she was _studying_ him and she gave him this look like _he_ was the special one and she didn't put up with shit, not even from the start. And she was struggling with stuff too. She'd lost someone important to her, just like he had. And she'd sat with him every time, just like he'd asked her to, no questions. And they talked so easily, like they'd known each other for years, and that had meant so much to him because for so long he hadn't talked to _anybody_ and he was all alone. But now he had Lucy. And...they were perfect.

"Yeah," Natsu replied, moments later. "Yeah, I remember. Come a long way."

"You really have." Juvia smiled. "What's Lucy think of all this, of you graduating?"

Natsu shrugged. "She's a little sad I'm leaving, but she's happy for me. She thinks I've been in here too long to stay sane."

"You have." Juvia laughed. "Well, you can always call her. And someday soon, she'll graduate, too. Maybe you can live near each other, or move in together, or something."

"Yeah."

"So, today's your last day. How's it feel?"

Natsu gave her a smile, but it was tinted with sadness. "A little miserable, actually."

"Oh, Natsu. You'll adjust. I promise. And maybe I'll make that the next weekly activity—visiting Natsu in his rad new apartment."

He laughed. "Sounds good to me."

"You better go see her, you know. I'll bet she's a little sad," Juvia spoke, her voice soft. "Watching you leave won't be easy for her."

Natsu stood, giving Juvia a nod. "Gotcha. Seeya tomorrow?" His voice twisted up at the end, framing it as a question.

Juvia smiled. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

And with that, Natsu began to trudge through the halls, the fear beginning to rise up in his throat. He looked for Lucy everywhere—her room, the library, the kitchen—until he realized where she was waiting for him.

Their rooftop.

So he ran up the stairs, desperate to see his girl. He busted through the door, dashing out onto the rooftop. And there she was, sitting on the roof, wrapped up in blankets like a burrito, smiling at him. And the fear in his chest evaporated—absolutely obliterated. And he felt calm, not afraid of tomorrow or next year or even ten years from now, because he knew he would always have Lucy.

"Took you long enough!" She cried, voice muffled by the burrito-blanket. "I've been waiting for you for like an hour."

"Sorry Luce—I was talking to Juvia."

Lucy smiled. "She's pretty choked about you graduating, huh?"

"Yeah." Natsu took a seat beside Lucy; she opened up her burrito blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders. Two person burrito. "She cried."

"Aw, how sweet." There was a pause that spanned a few moments, as the two looked out and watched the sunset. It was getting late, now, and the pinks and oranges in the sky were dimming into dark blues and blacks. When Lucy spoke again, her voice was shaky. "I'm so happy for you, Natsu."

Natsu glanced over at the girl, eyes widening in surprise when he noticed a tear slowly making its way down her cheek. His face crumbled into an expression of pain, sadness. "Luce..."

"No—don't," She spat, shaking her head. "Don't get sad, or try to comfort me. Because I _am_ happy for you, Natsu. I'm overjoyed. You're finally leaving, finally getting out there, getting to live your life. I've never been so happy."

He watched her carefully, eyes narrowing in pain. "But?"

" _But_ ," Lucy continued, huffing out a heavy breath, "It hurts my heart to watch you leave."

Natsu watched her, his lips twisting into a smirk after a few seconds. "I know. But just think about it! You'll graduate, and I'll come and pick you up, and then I can help you adjust. And we'll be together."

She was crying, now. Hard. "I know."

"Aw, Luce, you know I'll call you every day."

Her brown eyes were focused on the ground; she looked...sheepish. "But..." She hesitated, only continuing her sentence once Natsu nudged her with his elbow. "What if you get new friends? And you start to love them, and you forget about me?"

Her words hung above them, heavy.

And then, Natsu burst out laughing. He laughed so hard he leaned forward, big hands holding himself up on the concrete.

Lucy crossed her arms, eyes still full of tears. " _What?_ "

He was practically crying from laughing so hard. "Lucy, you don't have to worry about me forgetting you!" He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, hugging her close to him; she squeaked when he squeezed her. "How could I ever forget my beautiful girlfriend?"

Lucy blushed. They'd been officially a couple for a few months now, but the word _girlfriend_ still set her veins on fire with adrenaline. "I don't know. Maybe you'll meet a new girl, and—"

Natsu clamped his hand down over her mouth. "Shut up, Luce. You know you're the only girl I care about."

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise!" He stuck his finger out; she wrapped her pinky around his. "You don't ever have to worry about that one. You're my girl."

"Better think about me every day. That's an order."

Natsu saluted her. "Yes, sir." He gave her a wink, wiggling his eyebrows. "Every night, when I'm lying in bed all alone— _naked_."

Lucy couldn't help but grin. "Pervert."

He continued on, voice low and raspy. "And I'll touch myself, thinking about your face. And your body— _my god, that body_."

Lucy was practically turning purple, now. "You're silly."

Natsu smiled to himself. "You think I'm joking? Luce, I already touch myself thinking about your body."

She smacked him. "That's so creepy."

"What, you've never touched yourself thinking of me?" His tone was so casual, as though this was normal conversation.

Lucy's cheeks beamed red; her eyes dropped to her hands, which instantly began to fiddle with the fabric of her shirt. "I—uh, _no_!"

The pink haired boy burst out laughing again. "You're a horrible liar, Luce."

"Knock it off!" She looked at the boy, noticing a faint hint of pink in his cheeks, which only sent her blood into an even larger frenzy.

He laughed, then grabbed her hand and pressed his lips to it, kissing the back of it softly. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. "You have no idea how much I'm going to miss you."

The seriousness of the situation seemed to dawn on them: they would be apart. Natsu was leaving, and who knows how long Lucy would be here? They wouldn't see each other every day, there wouldn't be anymore rooftop visits.

Lucy would miss him so much, but she knew this was what needed to happen. Natsu needed to go out into the world, start living again. They'd be together eventually. They'd call. Everything would be fine.

They both were on their way to being happy.

So, they snuggled on the rooftop all night. They chatted, they joked, they kissed. They didn't go back to their rooms that night, instead opting to stay on the roof together. The summer night was relatively warm—Lucy was still cold, how typical—and they snuggled under their blanket.

Lucy was happy, here with Natsu. This would be the last time they'd see each other for a while—who knew how long it would be until he visited, or she graduated? So, when he kissed her sweetly, she kissed him back. And when his kisses got more pronounced, more passionate, she gave it right back to him. And when he'd flipped them, placing her on top of him, straddling him, she'd pushed him back and kissed him hard.

And she'd grind down on him, watching him carefully as he tipped his head back, eyes closed, mouth a little open. She'd smiled when he'd let out a low groan, his hands still holding her hips tightly, keeping her where she was.

And when she'd tugged off her shirt, revealing her chest, only covered in a fairly skimpy bra, all he could do was stare. He'd stared for so long that Lucy had blushed and covered his eyes, telling him to quit being weird. He'd gone completely red, too, knowing that she was letting him see her like this. She was letting him in, letting him see her in her most vulnerable state. And that meant something.

She'd pulled off his shirt, running her hands down his chest, over his stomach. Her heart was hammering in her chest so much that her ribs began to ache; she'd never been so nervous before. Nervous, but excited.

He'd reached up behind her, unclasping her bra, kissing her arms as he did so. She'd held him close, running her hands through his hair. The bra slipped off, falling to the ground, and he'd kissed her breasts gently. His big hands reached up and touched them so softly, as though she was made of glass and he didn't want to shatter her.

They'd moved together, bodies close, breathing each other in.

She tugged at his pants, giving him an intense look; he raised his eyebrows, asking permission.

"You sure?"

Lucy nodded, yearning for something more. "Absolutely."

So, he tugged off his pants, leaving him in just his boxers; Lucy pulled off her bottoms, revealing some dainty panties that matched her bra. They kissed, lips feverish against one another; the tension to press on, the urge for more only grew. The fire between the two was palpable.

Lucy pulled off her panties, then, revealing her naked body to Natsu. She peeked up at him, embarrassed.

His mouth was open, eyes half-lidded; she could see his shoulders moving as he breathed heavily, totally in shock and awe. Then, he shoved his own underwear down, revealing himself.

Lucy's eyes dropped down, then flickered back up immediately; her face burnt hot, cheeks as red as flames.

Natsu gave her a look, his own cheeks burning red as tomatoes, checking to see her reaction. Hell, he didn't know what she'd think—too small, not enough circumference? _Girth?_ He wasn't exactly sure what was normal and how his junk compared.

Her lips were twisted up into a smile that she was desperately trying to hide, her cheeks on fire. Safe to say, she wasn't disappointed. Afraid, yes. Very afraid.

But she wanted this. He wanted this. So, they met, kissing and holding each other close, the heat rolling off of each other's naked bodies and meeting in the middle. Lucy wrapped around him, hands tangling in his hair; she lifted her leg, throwing it over his thigh. His big hands wrapped around her waist, one hand dropping lower and touching her bottom softly; the other hands twisted up, playing with her breast.

They'd laid down, lips never breaking apart. The tension grew, only making things more fiery; every touch was hot as flame, passionate as hell. He'd break apart and kiss down her throat, pressing his lips to the hollow of her neck, her collarbones, everywhere. He'd made his way down, down to her very core, and kissed it softly; she'd let out a gasp, heat exploding between her legs. He kissed her thighs, making his way back to her centre, and swiped his tongue out. Lucy bit her lip, letting out a moan, and he'd continued.

Lucy had never experienced anything like this before. The pleasure was overwhelming and she never wanted it to stop; slowly, the heat between her legs grew, spreading out to her toes and her finger tips.

Natsu went slowly, flicking his tongue and swirling it against her. He loved the sounds she made, the way she squirmed beneath him—it made it hard to focus. He was getting fairly excited himself, and several times a minute he had to remind himself to take it slow, to be patient. It was her turn—this was about her.

She started to get louder, started to breathe heavily, and Natsu continued, picking up the pace. He added a finger in, slowly sliding it inside of her, and she increased a couple decibels; she started to murmur his name, repeating it over and over.

Natsu was pretty it was his favorite sound.

And when she reached the edge, her body shaking and lurching forwards, she called his name loader, dragging it out. She moaned his name, adding in a couple more groans, until she fell back, breathing heavily, a smile on her face.

Natsu popped up, grin on his face. "How's _that?_ "

Lucy didn't open her eyes, but she pushed her arms out, beckoning him to her. "Mmm," She whispered, "C'mere, you."

Natsu smiled, eyes going soft as he watched her; he dipped forwards, crawling up to her through the gap between her legs, pressing his warm body against hers. He kissed the tip of her nose happily. "Tired?"

"No." She didn't open her eyes. "Just...amazed."

"That good, huh?"

"Oh, yeah."

Natsu pressed his lips to her shoulder, propping himself above her using his elbows. She opened her eyes, pressing herself up to kiss his lips; they molded together perfectly, like two puzzle pieces. Each kiss was slow, passionate and loving.

The yearning in the pit of Lucy's stomach only grew.

Was this what it was like? Was this what sex was? An insatiable thirst, one that never lessened? Would she ever not want him, now? Because she'd just come and now she wanted more, way more. She wanted him, as much as she could get.

Natsu seemed to understand, by the ferocity of her kisses; he lowered himself down, chest on her breasts, arms taut as he held himself up. He kissed her lips, her cheek, her earlobes. When he was near her ear, he whispered, "We don't have to do this, Luce, not if you don't want to."

She reached up and grabbed his chin, pulling him so that he was forced to look into her eyes. "Natsu...I _want_ to." She swallowed, heart feeling as though it would burst. "I want you."

Natsu's eyes melted looking at her like that, and he didn't have the heart to ask if she was sure—he could tell she was determined. So he dropped his head, kissed her chest, and aligned himself down below.

He paused at her entrance, holding himself against her. "You sure?"

Lucy couldn't wait any longer, the urge was too strong. She let out a whine. " _Natsu_."

"Okay," He laughed, snorting. "Down, girl."

"Shut up and make love to me."

"Right. Sorry."

He teased her slightly, rubbing against her entrance; Lucy closed her eyes, hands balled up into fists. Then, figuring he'd tortured her enough, he pushed into her; Lucy let out a moan, her hunger finally satisfied.

Natsu moved slowly, carefully, for Lucy's sake. He could've gone to town, pounded the shit out of her, but he held back. Each movement, each thrust was careful and calculated, only a percentage of what he _truly_ wanted to do. He didn't want to hurt her, make her uncomfortable.

The feeling, for him, was incredible. His eyes were closed as he moved along with her, leaning over top of her naked body; he let out little grunts, little groans.

His sounds only made her more excited—and quite honestly, she wanted even more. This slow game was a nice introduction, but it wasn't enough; she wanted all of him _—now_.

So, being the impatient person she was, she didn't want or ask for permission. Lucy wrapped her arms around the boy, hugging him tightly, and used all of her strength to flip them; now, she was on top and Natsu was on the bottom.

"Jesus!" He sputtered, his bare ass on the cold concrete of the roof.

Lucy grinned, giving him a kiss; then, she ground down into him, moving at her own pace, one that was much faster than the one Natsu had been giving her. Natsu's eyes widened, and he watched her carefully; Lucy had her eyes closed as she rode him, moans escaping her lips. Natsu held her hips, bucking into her, the pleasure incredibly overwhelming him.

This was better, Lucy thought. Faster, harder, exactly what she'd wanted. This satisfied that hunger in her gut, the one that craved Natsu entirely. His body slamming into hers, the passion a heavy force...

The wave of pleasure rode up inside of her and Lucy started to cry out, knowing she was near the edge. Natsu slammed into her harder, faster, close to finishing himself; Lucy let out a cry, her entire body tingling.

When she reached that edge, she belted out his name, crying out that she loved him as she rode her high.

Natsu finished near after, groaning out her name as he pushed her up, pulling out of her before he exploded.

They cleaned up, wiping each other up with the blanket, and then snuggled. They fell asleep, only waking up when the morning sun hit their faces. Even then, they didn't leave their rooftop—they grinned at each other, joy rushing through their veins.

They stayed on the roof as long as possible, then got up only when they knew they had to, because the graduation ceremony was starting soon.

They tugged their clothes on, then they headed down to their rooms, showering and cleaning up. They put some nice clothes on—everyone was getting dressed up for the grad—and headed down to the library, holding hands when they met up.

The ceremony went quickly, since there was only three grads: Natsu, Gajeel and Laxus. Gajeel and Laxus' parents came up for the ceremony, and sat in the chairs alongside the rest of the group. Juvia called the three boys up, giving a speech about growth and progress. She mentioned some funny moments about each of the boys, the antics they got up to. Then, she talked about how they would be missed, how the place wouldn't be the same without them. By the end, Juvia, Lucy and Gajeel's mother were sniffling. It was a nice ceremony.

After the speeches, everyone had lunch. A buffet had been laid out with various cheeses, meats and fruits, and everyone filled up—especially Natsu, who Lucy had to restrain from eating the whole spread.

Slowly, people trickled out as the party died down. Gajeel and his parents left, and everyone waved goodbye as they left the room; Laxus and his family followed soon after, and everyone shouted goodbyes. Then, as the night came to an end, Juvia asked Natsu if he was ready to go.

He said no—he'd never want to leave, not when Lucy was here—but that they'd better go soon, before he locked himself in a janitor's closet and refused to leave.

Everyone surrounded the boy and gave him hugs, or pats on the back, and gave him their goodbyes. He said goodbye to everyone, and then asked for a minute alone with Lucy; he pulled her out to the hallway so they could have some privacy.

Natsu kissed her, holding her hand tightly, and told her he loved her. He said he'd always love her, that he'd call every day three times a day if he had to, he didn't care. He said he'd miss her so much, that everything already hurt because he wouldn't be able to see her on that rooftop.

Lucy said she'd miss him too, acutely aware of how badly his hands were shaking; she promised they'd call as much as possible and that she'd get better as fast as she could so she could graduate and they could be together.

He said he'd visit, if he could. She said she'd hold him to that promise.

And then, Lucy broke down into tears.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do without you," She whispered shakily, "You're my best friend."

Natsu hugged her tight, kissing the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

And then Juvia came out, asking if he was ready to go; Natsu gave her a nod, his own eyes a little wet, his hands still shaking. Lucy walked them to the front door, where Juvia's car was parked, waiting for them.

Natsu kissed Lucy one last time.

"Seeya, buddy," He'd said with a smirk, and got in the car.

Of course he'd said that, as his last words to her. Typical Natsu.

Lucy waved goodbye, heart aching, a smile on her face until they'd driven out of sight. Then, she broke down into tears, glumly making her way up to the rooftop.

There, she wrapped herself in the blanket, making herself a burrito, and sobbed the entire night. It began to rain, but she didn't care.

She was so incredibly happy for him. He deserved this. He'd made it so far.

But she was going to miss him terribly.


	31. Chapter 31

The days flew by once Natsu was gone. Months whisked by in what felt like a week; before Lucy knew it, it had been six months since Natsu had graduated and left her back at the facility.

He'd made good on his promises—he called once, sometimes even twice, a day. And he'd come up to visit as often as possible. Lucy always asked if he'd forgotten about her yet, and he always responded the same way: _how could I forget my best friend?_

Juvia had gotten Natsu and Gajeel settled in the same city, whereas Laxus went back to his home town. The city was pretty nice, according to Natsu; it was a beach town right near the mountains, and it was really hot, so there were lots of wineries. Natsu and Gajeel actually got a job at the same place; they worked for the city, in the parks department. They spent their days mowing grass or weed whacking. Most of their time was spent down at the beach, raking the sand or going in a boat and netting the water to pick up garbage. Natsu had called one day and said they'd been tasked with chasing geese off of the beach, because the birds kept shitting on beach-goers; he said he'd gotten completely covered in goose shit, and that he and Gajeel had to take the train home like that. People had stared.

Natsu and Gajeel had gotten apartments in the same building—Juvia had said it was so they had someone they could call a friend nearby—and they spent every night together, hanging out and watching movies. Natsu picked action thrillers, filled with car chases and shoot outs, while Gajeel was attempting to educate Natsu on the history of romantic comedies. The two boys had gotten fairly close and become really good friends in their time out in the real world.

And when they had their bad days—which they did—where their past came back to haunt them, the other guy was just down the hall, ready to help and distract from the pain.

Lucy was glad Natsu had a friend, that he wasn't totally alone. And she was overjoyed that he liked his apartment and had fun with his job and was out in the real world for the first time since the fire. She was so proud of him for coming this far, for making it out.

And she had set her own goal in mind: she was going to graduate _soon_. That's why the days flew by so fast—she was so focused on getting better, on keeping herself busy, on improving. She'd done lots, since she didn't have Natsu to mess around with.

Lucy had gotten Juvia's permission to set up a garden for the facility. It was incredibly large—the group had dug it up themselves—and Lucy was in charge of it. She'd been in control of what was planted, who would be scheduled to water it, etc. The garden was totally under her responsibility—something that Juvia felt she was ready for.

The garden had loads of vegetables and fruit trees, and all produce coming from them went straight to the facility's kitchen, to help improve healthy meals within the organization. There were also garden beds, and flowers were taken and used to decorate the facility and cheer it up a bit.

Lucy was also talking to Juvia, and they were in the planning stages of having a small farm on the facility: cows, goats, chickens, you name it would be included. Kids could go out and work with the animals, feed them, pet them, groom them and keep them healthy to improve mental stimulation, while the produce would go to the kitchens. It was a costly endeavor, and the idea would need to be approved by the facility's council, but Lucy was incredibly excited.

She found that she enjoyed helping other people cope with their mental illnesses. Juvia said that Lucy had a knack for it, that she should look into becoming a therapist herself once she left the facility, since she had come up with so many great coping tactics already.

Lucy liked that idea.

Time flew by fast, and before Lucy was even aware, it had been six months since Natsu had left. Her garden was in full force, the farm was finally being built—the feed bins were already standing, and the barn was the last thing left—and everything was going well.

Lucy even ran a club at the facility to help younger children with therapy. There were several groups of young children at the facility—kids with developmental issues, depression, anxiety, etc—that didn't respond well to face-to-face therapy, like the older teens did. So, Lucy worked alongside Juvia in order to create a group that would benefit the younger kids. She'd gotten in contact with a local humane society, the local pound. She'd set it up so the humane society would bring in several animals—dogs, cats, rabbits, and more—every Wednesday and Friday for the youngsters to play with. Lucy was well aware that young children were more comfortable with animals than adults, and that there was research showing that being with animals could reduce depression and anxiety. The kids loved it, and the animals from the pound loved it as well. Juvia had congratulated Lucy on work well done.

Before she knew it, Juvia was telling Lucy that she was graduating, that she'd made it and she'd overcome her demons well enough to head back out into the real world. It was shocking to Lucy the amount of progress she'd made ever since coming to the facility: she hadn't cut since that day in kitchen after Mira had collapsed, and she rarely had time to even think about it now that she had such a busy schedule.

Of course, there were times when it haunted her, the urge to see her own blood. But she knew how to cope with it. She knew her mind was playing tricks on her, manipulating her. Lucy knew she was stronger than the urge to cut, and she knew she didn't need to cut to be happy.

Lucy passed on all of her responsibilities at the facility—the kids club, the garden, the farm—onto Erza, who was really beginning to take on a leadership role at the place.

Erza was improving, too—she no longer screamed through the night about her car crash. She was getting better, learning to cope with the stress and the memories. Still, she had a ways to go, and Lucy knew that Erza was capable of dealing with the responsibilities she'd passed on.

When Lucy graduated, she was the only group member to be doing so. They threw a party for her; Juvia did another loving speech, and even Lucy was crying at the end of it. They all had a big supper and Erza had even baked a cake.

One the party was over, Lucy made her way to the front door, where she expected Juvia to be waiting for her, to drive her away from the facility—but there was another body standing outside, leaning against a car.

Natsu.

Lucy ran towards him, grinning; he opened his arms and she flew into them. They spun, kissing happily. They chatted a bit and then took off, heading out into the real world together.

Lucy moved in with Natsu, into his tiny little apartment. She thought it was cute. Quaint. Every night, Gajeel came up for a movie night; he and Lucy pressured Natsu into watching romantic comedies.

Lucy looked into going to school to become a therapist. She applied, but didn't tell Natsu—she wasn't sure there was even a point to getting her hopes up. Besides, her transcripts contained her stay at Tranquil Pines. What kind of university would allow a previously depressed girl to become a therapist? She didn't think much about it.

Until one day, she came home with groceries, and found Natsu glaring at her.

Lucy set down the groceries on the countertop. "What?" She asked, unsure why he was giving her such a funny look.

Natsu held up his hand, a thick envelope laying in his palm. "You never told me you applied to school."

Lucy frowned, confused. She'd forgotten about applying completely—it had been months since she'd done it. Her eyes lit up. "I got a letter? Did you open it?"

"'Course not, it's _yours_. I can't spoil that." He paused. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Lucy blushed, shrugging. "I just...I didn't think I'd even be considered, and I didn't want to get my hopes up..."

Natsu gave her that 10000 watt smile and shook his head. "Well, come on, open it!"

And so, she did. And she'd gotten accepted. It was a school right there in the city, not even that far away. Lucy could take the train to school every day. Natsu was overjoyed; they celebrated all night. When Gajeel came over for a movie, they told him; he gave Lucy a big hug—which enabled him to receive a dark look from Natsu.

Right from the first day of school, Lucy knew she loved it. All of her classes, all of the people she met...she loved it. She could tell instantly that this was what she was born to do—help people. Her experiences, her own problems that she'd dealt with...that only enabled her to help others more. She was a survivor.

Time continued on. Lucy had finished her first year of university, and Natsu was getting promoted for his good work. He was a higher up level, one that got to correlate directly with management. He helped plan community events within the parks and recreation sector, but still got to do the fun stuff he loved, like chasing birds away from the beach.

One night, in bed, Natsu rolled over to Lucy, a funny look on his face.

Lucy looked at him, frowning. "What's wrong?"

He looked at her as if she were the sun and he were completely dazzled by her. "We should get a dog."

And that's all he needed to say. The next day, they headed out to the animal pound. They perused the dog kennels for an hour, unable to locate a dog that they deemed _perfect_ for them; they passed by small wire dogs, big german shepherds. Just about every time of dog was there, but nothing...fit.

Until they heard a screeching meow coming from the next room over, where the cats were located. Natsu looked at Lucy, eyes wide and intrigued.

"He sounds like fun."

Lucy's lips spread into a little grin. "Let's go see."

They found that the cat making that horrendous meow was a little gray cat; his fur was soft. In the sun, his coat looked blue. Rather than make that terrible noise he'd been making before, he purred heavily as soon as Natsu walked up to him. Natsu stuck his fingers in the crate, and the little cat rubbed up against him, licking him.

Natsu turned to Lucy. " _Luce_ , I gotta have him."

She just laughed. "Sure. What should we name him?"

Natsu turned back to the little kitty, who was still licking his finger tips. He hesitated for a moment, then murmured, "Let's name him...Happy."

"Happy? How'd you pick that one?"

The pink haired boy shrugged. "I always knew that if I was with you, we'd find Happy." He looked up at the girl. "And now, we have."

Lucy couldn't argue with that. They brought the little cat home that night; he ate just about three times his body weight in cat food. Natsu was incredibly proud.

Life continued on, and Lucy and Natsu found that their once quaint little apartment was now becoming a bit _too_ small. They went to the bank and got pre-approved for some money, and then headed over to the real estate agent. The agent showed them several houses—they wanted a house, not an apartment—but nothing seemed to work.

Until the real estate agent brought them to a little house nestled onto the side of the beach. There were lots of trees around it, making it almost hidden from anyone who didn't know it was there. The house itself was adorable—not small, but not incredibly large—and it had a cute little porch on the front, overlooking the beach that lay just before it. The inside was nice—some things they could improve upon, but overall a nice place.

They didn't hesitate, and bought the place. Gajeel helped them move in, helping Natsu lift their heavy couch in from the trailer they'd rented.

As they were moving in, their new neighbor came in to greet them. She had blue hair and was small; she had a lovely smile.

"Hi, my name's Levy—I live right next door."

Lucy had smiled back, already taking a liking to this girl. "I'm Lucy! Nice to meet you."

Natsu and Gajeel were carrying in the couch; they rounded the corner into the room where the two girls were standing. Gajeel froze, eyes landing on Levy; he dropped his side of the couch. Natsu, who was still holding the other side and attempting to walk, let out a cry.

"Ack—what the hell, Gajeel!" The couch was too heavy for him, and he dropped it on his foot. Natsu hopped around, swearing for a bit.

Levy turned to look at Gajeel; he turned red, blushing and looked at his feet.

"Uh, sorry, Natsu."

Levy was blushing slightly, too, laughing shyly. Lucy made a mental note that she should introduce the two properly, thinking they might make a cute couple.

Time passed. They'd been living in the house for eight months when Lucy came home to a message on their machine from her father, saying he'd contacted the facility and heard this was her last address. He said he wanted to see her, that he was sorry. He said he wanted her to meet his family.

Lucy had been furious—he wanted her to meet his _new_ family? As if!—but Natsu had calmed her down, tried to cheer her up. Natsu had said she should see her dad at least, even if she didn't want to meet his new family. He'd said that it wasn't worth it to stay mad, that maybe her father had changed, maybe he _was_ sorry. Lucy said she doubted it. Natsu urged her, saying that it was better to see him and find out rather than ignore her father and regret being so cold to him once he was gone.

Lucy knew Natsu was right.

So, she'd invited her father over to their house one Saturday afternoon. She'd made coffee and cookies earlier that day, and spent the entire time pacing before he arrived. Natsu rubbed her shoulders, telling her that it was going to be okay.

When her father arrived, Lucy was cold; she invited him in. Her dad was awkward; he sat on the couch plainly, holding his jacket to his chest. He said it was nice to see Lucy, that she looked well; she thanked him, said she _was_ well, that she was happy. Not much was said after that, for a while, and Lucy excused herself to the washroom, leaving Natsu and her father alone in the livingroom. She went to the bathroom and splashed water on her face, anxiety and stress making her feel exhausted.

When she left the bathroom, she could hear the two men talking. She snuck closer, staying hidden so she could hear what they were talking about.

"She's very happy, isn't she?" Lucy's father, Jude, said, voice a little sad.

By the sound of Natsu's voice, she could tell he was smiling. "Yeah. Really happy."

"And you love her?"

"I really do. She saved me, sir."

A moment of silence. "You're the boy that yelled at me on visiting day, aren't you?"

Lucy cringed; she suspected Natsu was doing the same.

"Uhh, yes. Sorry about that. I just...I'm very protective of Lucy, and if anyone makes her cry, I get very...upset." Natsu swallowed loudly. "Sorry. Sir."

Jude chuckled. "Don't be sorry. You were right. I was quite horrible to her."

"So, you've changed, then?"

"I have. My wife—my _new_ wife—she's changed me. She was the one that urged me to go to visiting day, and she was furious with me when I got back. I've always wanted to see Lucy again, but I just..." He trailed off. "She pushed me, told me to do it even though I was afraid. She makes me better."

More silent pauses. "I know she doesn't act like it, but I think Lucy's happy to see you."

"Really?"

"Of course. You're the only family she has left. She loves you, deep down."

"That's..." He let out a little breath of air, almost like he was relieved. "Thank you, Natsu."

Lucy coughed, walking back into the room. Sure, hearing that...maybe it softened her heart a little bit. Her dad missed her, but was scared to see her. She didn't doubt it, after last time. And his wife...well, she sounded sweet. Maybe Lucy would try to be a _little_ nice.

"Would you like some coffee, dad?"

Jude eyes widened, and he seemed surprised that she'd called him _dad_. When he'd first arrived, she'd greeted him by his first name. After a moment, he collected himself. "Yes, sure, please. One milk, two sugar."

Lucy gave him a small smile. "Okay."

Natsu was proud of her. She was a stubborn girl, one that didn't like to give in no matter what—so seeing her even smile at her father was incredible. She'd come so far. Far enough to invite her father over, despite what he'd done to her in the past. She was growing.

And he was so, _so_ proud of her. He always would be.

After that day, Lucy stayed in contact with her father. They made up slowly, and they even talked about the past once they were comfortable enough with each other; Jude apologized for deserting her, saying that it was difficult after the loss of her mother. After all, Lucy looked just like her, and seeing a miniature version of your wife slit her wrists wasn't easy...Lucy understood. She didn't fight it. She said she was sorry, sorry she was so depressed as a kid and sorry she'd hurt him by hurting herself. They'd hugged.

She called him once a week, and they caught up. After a while, Lucy and Natsu made the trek down and even met Jude's new family. His wife was as lovely as Lucy could've imagined, and her two children were young and sweet. They got along well.

All of Lucy and Natsu's friends graduated from the facility, and they all came to visit before they went on their way to create their lives. Everyone kept in contact, and Lucy texted Erza often. Natsu texted Laxus and gray regularly, and Gajeel still visited their house several times a week (although, Lucy suspected it was more because of Levy, their neighbor, now).

Time pressed forward, and soon, Lucy was graduating from school with a bachelor's degree. Everything was going so perfectly: she loved her house, her school, her classes, her friends—particularly Levy; they'd gotten extremely close—and especially her boyfriend.

Lucy's father and his family came up for her graduation from University. Everyone from their group at the facility made it up, except for Erza—she had joined the military and had recently been shipped out across the world. It was a happy occasion.

Natsu had gotten several promotions over the years, and now he was the head of the parks and recreation department; he had complete control over every event that happened within the city, and he'd won awards for doing such a good job. He planned fun community events constantly, and the city awarded him a bonus; apparently, his events had made the city a great tourist attraction. He'd planned several annual festivities—the Hanami Festival, a fall Harvest Festival, a huge carnival and even a community-wide bonfire. His job was all about making people happy, and he loved it.

Lucy got a job in a therapy clinic right on the outskirts of town. She enjoyed the work she did, but fully intended to make her own therapy clinic one day, one where she was in control and could everyone as much as possible as directly as possible. She tucked that thought into the back of her mind, focusing on her current job instead.

Gajeel and Levy finally began officially dating after years of attempting to be subtle with their flirting (which they weren't). Natsu was happy—most of the time, Gajeel stayed at Levy's place, meaning Natsu got to see his friend more often. Lucy was happy, too; she'd never seen Levy smile so wide.

It was Lucy's birthday, and Natsu planned a special dinner at a fancy restaurant. They ate until they were stuffed, and then headed home; rather than go inside, Natsu hauled Lucy out to the beach. They waded into water, ignoring that they were wearing fancy clothes, and watched the moon reflect over the water.

It reminded Lucy of that night on the beach, when Natsu told her he'd loved her. The nostalgia totally enveloped her, until Natsu turned to her and spoke.

"Don't ever leave, okay?" He said, copying himself word for word from that night on the beach so long ago.

Lucy cocked her head to the side, turning to look at him. "I'm not gonna leave, Natsu. I promise."

"I love you," He said, a funny tone in his voice.

Lucy didn't understand. "I love you too, baby."

And then, he got down on one knee, the waves soaking his suit. His hair was whipping around in the wind, the rosy color even brighter in the glow of the moon; he reached into his pocket, pulling out a little box.

Lucy's eyes widened, hands flying up to cover her mouth.

He opened the box; inside of it was the most beautiful ring. The band itself twisted out in spots, almost looking like a twig from a tree, except made of silver; there was a beautiful diamond in the centre, with two rose-gold jewels on either side. The smaller jewels matched Natsu's hair perfectly, as if the ring were a piece of him.

"I love you, Lucy, and I have ever since that first day I saw you. I knew I needed you and I knew you'd change my whole world, and you really did. You kept me safe, made me a better person, helped me grow." He took a shaky breath; he seemed nervous. "You're my best friend, Luce. Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Lucy cried, and Natsu put the ring on her finger. Then, she flung herself at him, sending them both flying into the salty water—but she didn't care. They kissed, soaking wet, for hours. When they went inside, they kissed more, heading directly to the bedroom. Later that night, Lucy let Happy sniff the wedding ring, proudly showing it off. Then, she'd called Levy and Erza, and all of the friends she'd made at work and at school and from the facility.

The wedding was in the fall, when the forests were bright orange and red, mimicking the color of flames. Everyone came—everyone from the facility, even Juvia—to celebrate Lucy and Natsu's wedding. Lucy's dress was beautiful and Natsu looked handsome in his suit, and the food was delicious. Everyone had a great time, dancing the night away. At the end of the night, everyone went out into the crisp evening air, and watched some fireworks go off.

Natsu hugged Lucy from behind, placing a kiss on her cheek and whispering, "I love you so much."

And everything was perfect.

Five months later, Lucy was abruptly awoken by intense nausea. She'd ran to the bathroom and puked her guts out; when she was finished, she realized Natsu was sitting on the edge of the tub, glass of water for her in hand.

"Food poisoning?" He'd asked.

Lucy gagged over the toilet, taking a sip from the cup. "I think so—last night's chicken."

He'd frowned. "I'm not sick."

"You have a stomach of steel—I have the digestive system of a baby bird, remember?"

Natsu made a face. "That's true."

She'd brushed her teeth and they'd gone back to bed. And, when she'd awoken the next morning about to vomit again, she hadn't thought much about it. That damn chicken, she'd said. Next time, she'd char her meat, just to avoid the food poisoning.

But when she had to interrupt a meeting at work to dash to the garbage can and throw up violently, she started to question whether it was food poisoning at all. But the thought slipped her mind, and she went on with life.

And a week later when she didn't get her period, it hit her. She skipped lunch to dash to the drugstore. She picked up three pregnancy tests and stuffed them into her purse, intending to take the tests that night. She was nervous the whole day, off her game. When she got home—she'd beaten Natsu—she ran to the washroom, hurriedly following the instructions of the test.

She'd done both of them, placing them face down on the countertop, and stared at them. Two minutes, she had to wait. Two minutes was a long time.

Natsu came home, flowers in hand. It wasn't anything special, but he figured buying flowers and chocolate was a sweet act to cheer up his sick wife. After all, she'd barely gotten any sleep this past week due to her incessant vomiting—he could tell she was drained, and he wanted to make it better for her.

He set his stuff on the counter, and called out for Lucy. She responded, a funny twang in her voice, and he asked if she was okay. She asked him to come to the bathroom.

Natsu, concerned that she'd gotten sick again, made it to the washroom quickly. He froze in the doorway, unsure.

Lucy was leaning over the sink, staring down.

"Luce?"

She turned to look at him, something _odd_ in her eyes. Fear, happiness, anxiety...it all washed over her face in phases, making her impossible to read. "Natsu..."

"You okay?" He was worried, now.

Lucy bit her lip, nervous. "I'm...something."

Natsu reached out and grabbed her hands. "Luce."

She pulled out a drawer, reached down and grabbed something; then, she held her hand out, for Natsu to see. Confused, his eyebrows pulled over his eyes; he glanced down. Three sticks in her hand, all with little plus symbols on them. He looked back up at his wife. Then back down. Then back up.

Natsu made a face. "Wha?"

Lucy sighed, setting the sticks on the counter. "I'm pregnant, Natsu."

A long, silent moment passed by. Then, another. Lucy stared at Natsu; his face was completely blank. Like, _completely_. There wasn't a single thought in that man's head.

And then, his lips spread into a huge grin, wider and brighter than any smile Lucy had ever seen on Natsu before, and he rushed forward, wrapping his arms around her. He picked her up and twirled her, nuzzling his head into her neck once he'd set her back down.

"We're having a baby?" He asked, voice happy and excited and nervous. His eyes sparkled, and he gave her _that_ smile, and her heart melted. "You're pregnant! We're having a baby!"

Lucy grinned in response, relieved by his reaction. She'd been worried he'd be scared, nervous that they couldn't afford a baby, or something. She hadn't known he was this excited to be a father, but here he was, dancing in the bathroom and singing REO Speedwagon to Lucy's stomach.

By June, Lucy's stomach was massive. She was big, her doctors had said. Most girls were getting large at this stage, but not heavily protruding like Lucy was. It didn't help that it was a hot summer; Lucy was sweating nonstop and peeing nonstop, thanks to this little twerp dancing on her bladder inside of her gut.

But, it was a happy time: Levy and Gajeel were getting married. They'd announced it a while ago, and the date had finally arrived. Lucy was the maid of honor, and Natsu was the best man. It was smoking hot outside, making Lucy absolutely die—they brought her a seat to sit on during the ceremony, rather than stand like the rest of the bridal group. She left immediately after the ceremony was done to go pee. Her feet were swollen, she was dying of heat, her dress was riding up in places that she could no longer reach...

But, she was absolutely happy. She was severely pregnant—they didn't know the sex of the baby yet, they wanted to keep it a secret—but she was overjoyed to see two of her closest friends get married. Everyone came up for their wedding, too, and it was a nice reunion. Everyone wished Lucy and Natsu congrats on their upcoming baby.

Lucy went into labour October 30th, and the baby was born October 31st at 3:13 in the morning. Natsu had laughed—a Halloween baby. Lucy thought it was sort of cute. A little girl. The doctor's cleaned her off, then handed her to Natsu.

He broke down into tears as he stared at his daughter.

They named her Viola. She had Natsu's rosy hair and Lucy's nose.

Natsu would carry her around the house on his shoulders, and she would squeal; he'd tickle her, kissing her cheeks as he changed her diaper. The older she got, the more Natsu loved her—she was a daddy's girl. By the time she could speak, she had Natsu wrapped around her little finger, and he loved it.

They were a perfect family: Natsu, Lucy, Viola and Happy.

And then, Lucy got pregnant again, when Viola was two. And, by the time the family was invited to Erza's wedding to her longtime love Jellal, Lucy was huge again. Luckily, this time, she was just a bridesmaid, not the maid of honor—but it was still a struggle in the heat.

"Why am I always pregnant when my friends get married?" Lucy had asked as she walked down the aisle, Natsu by her side. He was a groomsmen—Erza had asked him to; Jellal didn't have a lot of friends, and the wedding party was pretty empty, so Natsu had obliged.

"Because," Natsu whispered back, waving to little Viola in the crowd, who was sitting on Juvia's lap, "You can't get enough of me in the sack."

"Idiot," Lucy whispered in response, having no other comeback. He was right—clearly, they couldn't get enough.

The wedding was beautiful. Afterwards, at the dinner, Levy and Gajeel came up to Lucy. They asked her if she wanted to know a secret, if she wouldn't tell anyone because they didn't want to ruin Erza's big day; Lucy had agreed.

Gajeel and Levy were having a baby. Lucy was overjoyed—finally, someone to play with Viola and the baby on the way. Now, Lucy and Natsu weren't the only couple this far along, being married and having babies.

Lucy had twin baby boys a couple months later; they named them Logan and Odin. He had blonde hair, taking after mom—but it was spiky, just like dad's.

Levy and Gajeel had a little boy, and they named it Lawrence.

The boys were attached more to Lucy—momma's boys—while little Viola was incredibly in love with Natsu. They shared a special bond; he'd have tea with her, in her room, wearing a tutu every Thursday night. He'd carry her around like he was a horse, and she was the rider. In fact, he rarely called her by her name—instead of Viola, she was simply _princess_.

The boys loved Natsu, too, though. They'd wrestle on the livingroom floor, roaring and growling as if they were a pack of wild animals. And Lucy would watch, Viola on her lap, giggling at their antics. Her family was silly, but she loved them to death.

And sometimes, her mind would flicker back upon her life, and she'd think back to when she was in the facility. She'd think back to when her mind was obsessed with the idea of destroying her, when she couldn't go two minutes without thinking about slitting her wrists. She remembered how hopeless she'd felt, how she'd felt she had no purpose anywhere. She'd thought there was nothing for her in the world, and so she'd taken all of the pain out on herself.

She looked back at her children, all three of them doggy piling on her handsome husband, who was pretending to be knocked out by the weight of the kids. Her heart surged. How had she ever done that to herself? How had she ever felt like she had no future?

Her children, her husband, her friends...all the love in her life that simply saturated her...that was what she had been willing to give up when she was younger. Lucy had only been cutting herself, but who knows where that would've lead had she not stopped? Would she have tried to kill herself? Most likely.

But she had stopped. She'd learned from her friends, she'd seen their mistakes. Mira had helped her, taught her the ugly truth about mental illness. Lucy had learned that she had to _want_ to get better to actually improve. You couldn't force it, you couldn't fake it. You had to want it.

And she had. She'd gotten better, faced her demons. Sure, if things ever got bad, the thought would cross her mind, but she never let it get a hold on her. Lucy was strong—she always had been. She just hadn't let herself realize it when she was younger.

But now, looking at her babies and her soul mate, Lucy knew she'd made the right choice. She'd had faith in herself. She was strong, and she'd overcome her mental illness.

And she was so glad she did. Because this was what life was for—for happy moments. For those moments when you look at your boyfriend and realize _holy shit, I want to marry this man someday_. Or for that moment when you're at the alter, saying your vows. Or for that moment when you look at the pregnancy test and start to dance in the bathroom. Or for the moments when you make up with your family, when you close the gap and forget the past and just share the love.

Or, for that moment when you realize that everything you've got is perfect, that you love your family and that you are so lucky to have your husband, and you realize you wouldn't trade it for the world.

Lucy had come so far, grown so much.

And she and Natsu had found happy.

 _ **A/N**_ _ **: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading my story. I know this chapter was WAY long, but I had no idea how else to end this story without showing Lucy and Natsu's future. I hope you like it, I know I do! Please comment, review, whatever :)**_

 _ **If anyone has any suggestions or ideas for future stories that you would like me to write, feel free to message me! I have zero plans and I do not live a busy life, so I will be writing all summer. Unfortunately, it takes me a while to come up with ideas. So let me know!**_

 _ **Also, I urge anyone who struggles with mental illness of any kind (depression, anorexia, bulimia, axniety, etc) to please get in contact with a help line or a health representative. Getting help is the best thing you can do for yourself!**_

 _ **I hope you all liked the story, and I'm sorry if this ending seems abrupt to you, but I just felt like it was at the right pace and location to close. Love you all!**_


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